*UP DATE*Irritated, confused, & want to be supportive(a little long)
Last Nov. after my osd wrecked her car (for the 2nd time, & DH was told it was totaled, tho he never saw it or pics,& osd never talked to him about it) His X and osd "elected" to call DH every time osd needed a ride to go some where. She was 19 btw, and DH has a full time job,and do a lot of over time. So I got "volunteered " I told DH I wasn't getting into this like last time, and osd just popping in and expecting me to drop everything (or change my schedule for her to get where she needed to go)
That is exactly what started to happen, @ first osd would call at night asking dh how she was getting to her classes or her dr appt or therapy, he would come to me. I told him, I'm not going thru this again! Finally we didn't hear from her, we figured she and her mom worked it out, well, I'm in bed with a throbbing migraine, and the dogs are barking like mad, I go to the living room and fuzzy eyed see "some one" coming in the back door, to realize it's osd! No call, or text! (we used to have a spare key hidden) I looked at her and said, Really? Don't u think this is inconsiderate, assuming I can take u where u need to be with no call or text?) Her mom dropped her off! (I then thought maybe she text DH and he got busy @ work, and didn't tell me) but I text him and he hadn't heard from her. He text her to ask me if I could take her, but she never did.
Now, THAT was the straw that broke the camels back. It was the last time I took her anywhere. I told her she needed to take responsibility for her actions, start to act like and adult and figure out her own problems. She and her mom need to remember I"m not a door mat, and her mom and dad are divorced. Maybe osd should get a job, so my gas could be reimbursed, because IF this had been my own DD, she would be paying me gas money(yes my dd had a job). I wasn't mean or rude, nor did I yell or cuss. We don't speak now.
My Dh's X has done quite the number on all the kids giving "her side" of the divorce, and putting horrible stories in their heads about me, none of which are true, she doesn't even know me, and DH and I met a yr after she and he split up. Osd, doesn't visit her dad. She won't return any of his texts, or his email.
This past Christmas, she said she was coming to stay and get her presents with the other 2 kids, and didn't come, her presents sat here for 3 months! In March, the X called my DH to tell him osd had some prescts.@ the pharmacy totalling a little over $700.oo and she isn't paying her% until he pays his. (his responsibility for that ended when osd turned 18) but before than he had been asking about her medical issues, and they both refused to tell him even tho she was a minor, & wouldn't seek second opinions. DH told osd come the first of the yr her presct, wouldn't be covered until the deductible was met. This is the reason why she doesn't speak to him. Her mom told her her father refused to pay for her medication. (not true) He wants information on her medical issues, drs input etc. Now that she is "an adult" they are using that.
Father's day I invited her to our celebration, she not only didn't come, she didn't call him, text him or send a card, same with his birthday the past 2 yrs. She also didn't get him any Christmas presents(tho that's not a biggie) He still keeps trying to reach out, for any tiny piece of "acceptance" from her, or what ever. He has actually gotten to take her for coffee 2 times(as long as he spends money on her,she will go) AND he is still paying child support for this now 20 yr old! (courts are so slow, it is supposed to end at 18!)She was invited to our family summer vacation, and said she would go, and then didn't show up with the other 2 kids(we paid extra for her)
I want to support him spending time w/her. I know she is his daughter. I also know, her mom has really, really alienated her from him. osd blames her anxiety on me, and her Chaos on me, He loves her. I don't like the "game " she is playing with him, I think she should be treated like the "adult" she thinks she is. I also think DH should put his foot down that I am his wife and be respected in our home, when she does come.(or if she is around me) He is going Tomorrow to pick her up at college, and he is going alone, he thinks that is best. I wonder what kind of message that sends? On the other hand, I know he wants to spend time with her, and this car ride will probably be the only time he gets to spend with her. (sorry this is so long)