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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

when you visit your adult child, is this normal?

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:04 PM
  • 44 Replies

Everytime I come to visit my 21 yr old I bring my 19 yr old and 8 yr old. The 8 yr old stays on the computer while the other 2 stay in my daughters room with the door closed. Then there are times I come without the 19 yr old sister and the boyfriend comes over and they lay in my 21 yr olds bed all day. This really makes me feel I am wasting the time and effort it takes to drive 4 hours to visit. W

When she comes home she sits in the recliner and watches tv and does not hang out in her bedroom at home. Yes my kids still have bedrooms at home even if they don't live at home.

I'm don't know if I should pull out of my irritated bad mood and just put on a fake smile and take them out to lunch or something. But all they would do is talk to eachother and I'd be the ghost I am right now.

by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
wheresthewayout
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:05 PM

I am so fed up I feel like just saying "I have beter things to do I'll be back later"

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:07 PM

how often do you and your 21 year old get together?

CoeyG
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:26 PM

I would send the 19 year old to visit her sister and start redoing some bedrooms.  Make myself a "Mom cave" Turn one into a "guest room" for all guests, box up all their stuff at "home" since they have their own now.  

wheresthewayout
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:32 PM

A few times a month. but this is ridiculous, the girls make food for themselves, go back to the bedroom and I'm just a ghost apparently. If my 21 yr old was a real hostess she would say something like "hey mom lets make lunch together" but no they just walk by me ,do what they want.

Quoting suzeebloch:

how often do you and your 21 year old get together?


wheresthewayout
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:35 PM

another thing is the girls are leaving me here alone while they spend the day withg their dad, so today should be spent with me their mom, but they don't seem interested. I'm a fun mom but this type of stuff makes my fun side turn to a more of a quiet side.

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I guess I don't see the reason why you feel the need to see your 21 year old so often.  She's an adult and on her own.  If she wants to see her younger siblings, then let her do that, or ask you to bring them.  It sounds to me maybe mom needs to figure out how to cut the apron strings!  And your 21 year old is under no obligation "to be a hostess" (real or fake!) let alone spend the day with you.  You can still be a fun mom - you'll just have to figure out how to do that in a different way now, that's all. 

rosebud727
by Rose on Nov. 23, 2012 at 4:10 PM

So your saying they don't talk to you the entire time your there visiting? I would just visit less often. Sounds like they are all caught up with news they need to share with you.

My oldest is about the same distance away, but don't want to drive every other week to see her. I have so many other things that I want to do. Let you younger daughter figure out a way to go see her big sister, that's what my daughters do.

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Nov. 23, 2012 at 4:32 PM

I don't get to see my oldest very often although he only lives 2 hours away. Ususaly it is just when we take my oldest DD to the city he lives in for her appointments to brain tumor clinic. When we visit him he does stay in the living room with us and we watch TV together and chat. If I want something to drink I ask him to get me something and he does but that is pretty much as far as his "hosting" goes. Neither he nor I have a lot of money so we rarely do lunch or anything like that.

wheresthewayout
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 5:13 PM

Nope, I try talking but is it fruitless. I think this will be my last visit for a very long time. They have a 25 yr old cousin down the road whi is alot of fun! I just feel obligated to be here with my daughters and they don't care as much as me I guess ,so I think I'll just start staying with my nephew, he has a bigger place anyways.

Quoting rosebud727:

So your saying they don't talk to you the entire time your there visiting? I would just visit less often. Sounds like they are all caught up with news they need to share with you.

My oldest is about the same distance away, but don't want to drive every other week to see her. I have so many other things that I want to do. Let you younger daughter figure out a way to go see her big sister, that's what my daughters do.


Bmat
by Barb on Nov. 23, 2012 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

How rude of them.  I don't like family drama, but I think you would be well to let them  know that you are not happy with this behavior, and when you come to visit that's what it means, YOU have come to VISIT- not be ignored.  If it doesn't work, then go to your plan B and only get together for meals out.

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