This Group Spoils Me!!! Some Changes Going on in Life, too....LONG
It just seems that you guys respond to posts much more than other groups. I get frustrated at times when I post in another group and get little or no response. Let's just say you validate me and make me feel loved, LOL!!
My family and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving even though it was just my oldest DD, grandson, oldest DS, and me. My 20 yo DD is in jail (long story-let's just say she won't leave court without first seeing a judge ever again- it's considered failure to appear!!!), so I decided that I wasn't cooking for just us. A friend of mine invited us to her house and it was wonderful. Her extended family and lots of friends were there and everyone was so warm and inviting. We really enjoyed ourselves. And of course, I enjoyed showing off my grandbaby!!
Jessica is my oldest DD and Mason's mom. She hasn't lived in my home since 2009 when she went off to school. Since then, she has been in a serious relationship (with tons of ups and downs), had a baby, and finished school. Her and her boyfriend recently moved back to the Dallas from about 2 hours away. They were staying at his father's house and then went to live at his cousin's house. This was to be temporary until they got their own apartment. Unfortunately her BF lost his job and money has been tight for them and they hadn't saved any money. Jessica says that she hasn't been comfortable at his family's home and asked if she and Mason could come and stay with me for a bit. I told her they could, but to remember that they are not on my lease, so they couldn't be there indefinitely. Here is my quandary...
Jessica is VERY hesitant about putting Mason in daycare. She is a little over-protective and is scared that he could be mistreated or hurt and wouldn't be able to tell her because he can't talk. The problem with this is the fact that her and her BF are both very young and not financially stable. They both just got out of trade college and while BF does have a job in his field again, he does not make much money yet. Jessica is having a hard time finding a job in her field because everyone is asking for 2 years experience and bilingual speaking techs. Well, she has neither the experience nor the ability to speak another language. Her BF has worked his tail off to support them. He works wherever he can find a job. He has worked at Taco Bell, Toy R Us, Kohl's, etc. to provide for them. He has asked her to please find a job and help and she is basically refusing because she wants to be home with Mason. I feel that it took a lot for him to ask for help and that if he is vocalizing to her that he wants her to help, she should do that. He called me and asked me to talk to her about it because whenever they get into the discussion, she cuts him off and refuses to talk any more about it with him. I REALLY don't want to get involved with their relationship, but I feel like he is trying and she is being a little immature about it. He is right- they are not financially in a place for her to be a SAHM right now.
So, when I went to pick her up on Wednesday to move them to my place, I brought up the subject and explained that to her. I asked her to look at the situation from a different point of view and to understand that she also has to put the work into a better life instead of just expecting him to work hard to get them there. I also explained that daycare for Mason would be a good opportunity for him to learn social skills and other things as well. We had a really good talk and she seemed like she realized that she had been selfish to an extent.
I really felt close to her and that she actually listened to what I had to say. Instead of yelling or carrying on or trying to control her actions, I explained it simply and with love. I felt like an actual adult, LOL! I guess it is how you say something and not what you say, but for so many years this girl would just roll her eyes at me and act like I was stupid. I felt like she respected me and my opinion on something very important.
With all the said, I'm really quite worried about them living there. I'm not used to having a little one around (my youngest is 18!) and I'm afraid I will get crabby. I love Mason to bits, but he is at the age where he is just into EVERYTHING!! I explained to both her and her BF (he's not staying at my place, tho) that they need to get their sh*t together quickly and get their own place. I'm just afraid that we will butt heads living together and we are just now getting to a good place in our relationship...
This is long enough! I will wrap it up by letting you ladies know that I am very thankful and grateful to have found this group. Your posts have made me laugh, they've made me cry, and they've even gotten me fired up, but I am so glad to have such good women to lean on and learn from...you guys may not always tell me what I want to hear, but you certainly tell me what I need to hear. Thank you for that.