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What would say about living together?

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:07 PM
  • 32 Replies

My daughter is 21, very responsible, putting herself through college and is working.  She wants to be a lawyer.  In order to help pay for law school she has decided to work a year between graduating from college this spring and going to law school. 


Her boyfriend of a year and a half is 25, good job and buying a condomminium.  My daughter asked what I thought about her living with him next year instead of living at home.  He wouldn't charge her rent so the savings are the same as living at home.  I know they already spend nights and weekends together and she says she isn't planning to get married until after law school, the bar exam and finding a job.


She knows we are not morally opposed, it's just I think it's a bad plan.  It will be very hard to go off to school after "playing house".  And, 21 is very young.


So, what do you think?  What would you say to her if she were yours?

by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EireLass
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:43 PM

Is law school local, or will she move away to go to law school? If it's local, no big deal. If it's away, does the boyfriend understand that? Does he understand that she'll be gone, and he'll be home alone....hopefully faithful. I guess I don't know what I would say. My kids didn't really get into serious relationships until school was done....probably for this very reason.....it muddy's the waters.

caro100
by Carol on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:36 AM

I would lay out those arguements to her, but if she's determined, I'm sure it will do no good.  It just gives you "I told you so" ammo.  She just wants an excuse and hopefully she will keep her goal in mind and save her pennnies.  There's no saying she would save her money if she was living with you.  My son is supposed to be saving for a car and is asking to not pay his rent so that he can save his money more.  Basically he makes 150.00 more every two weeks than he did every month, but still doesn't live within his means.  Hmmm!!!  She's an adult, and at this time you have to let her make her own mistakes.

sabrtooth1
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 1:48 AM

What we told our dds was -- We would prefer that you stay home, even after you finish your education, and save money.  But if you feel you must move out, YOU'LL NEED TO SUPPORT YOURSELF.  We don't pay for you to play house.  The door is always open for you to come home, but while you are out, you're out.

Both kids stayed home till they got jobs that required them to move out.  Older dd and her bf moved an hour away when she was 25, because both needed to live in the city where they had found jobs.  Younger dd moved 900 miles away when she was 21.  She had developed a relationship with a kid in the Navy during his leaves home.  They got engaged and she decided to move in with him before the wedding.  She secured a decent job in his town before moving there, and they were married a year later.  

Fast forward 8 years.  NEITHER girl is with the guy they first moved out with.  Older and wiser, both have moved back to within 15 minutes of home.  

CoeyG
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 2:12 AM

She is an adult, she doesn't need your permission to do anything and I would tell my daughter just that.  But I'm curious who is paying for her education?  If you and her father ar, you could pull that, being an adult and "on her own" she should be able to take care of her education since she isn't going to be paying rent, that's what responsible adults do.  

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:38 AM
My 21 yo moved in with her boyfriend in August. We don't like it because it is throwing money away she could be saving. Otherwise we are ok with it. Have to admit she has grown up a lot. Become frugal which is a good thing.
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atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:41 AM
Wow, our dd saved $14,000 in 3 years working part time and living at home. We pushed saving on our girls at a young age. Having no debt etc.


Quoting caro100:

I would lay out those arguements to her, but if she's determined, I'm sure it will do no good.  It just gives you "I told you so" ammo.  She just wants an excuse and hopefully she will keep her goal in mind and save her pennnies.  There's no saying she would save her money if she was living with you.  My son is supposed to be saving for a car and is asking to not pay his rent so that he can save his money more.  Basically he makes 150.00 more every two weeks than he did every month, but still doesn't live within his means.  Hmmm!!!  She's an adult, and at this time you have to let her make her own mistakes.


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Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:59 AM

Level headed girls can get "caught up" in playing house, as you say and lose their way. I'd be against it for that reason only.

gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 10:13 AM

 If she is ready for that step,I would say okay. 

gmadiane
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 2:50 PM

I would be honest and tell her how you feel and why but she is an adult so if she does go just give her moral support

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 3:16 PM

If you are afraid that living with her boyfriend will deter her plans - I highly doubt that it will.  She has high ambitions and it would be very odd to cast that aside.  I lived with my future husband while I was in college.  I even went on to complete my master's degree while putting him through engineering school.  Can be done.

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