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Who is supposed to buy it?

Posted by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:41 PM
  • 23 Replies

 We have been looking at headstones for my moms grave. We want to get a companion memorial (it would have both my moms and my dads name on it). So, my older brother and I think that we (the kids) shoud pay for it. Because we don't feel like my dad should have to purchase his own headstone. BUT...My younger brother thinks that my dad should pay for it. Well, flat out, my dad cannot afford it, lives on a very small fixed income, I have been really saving to help pay for it, as has my older brother, so we are ready to do our part, but my younger brother has put his foot down and refuses to pitch in. My older brother and I want to do it now because it would be our final gift to our mother. But without the contribution of my younger brothers part...we have to keep saving.

Short back story about my younger brother:

About 10 years or so ago, my younger brother came into ALOT of money (millions). It is a long story but there was a lawsuit settlement and he(and my SIL) and his son got about 3mil each. He invested it very well and still has the large sum - plus and is doing very well financially.


Ok back to my question. Who is SUPPOSED to buy it? What is the norm?

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:57 PM
I do not think there is a set rule. When my mom died my dad bought the stone it was for both or them. For my grandparents my brother and I bought them.
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:00 PM

No set rule, really.  Some people like to have all that taken care of before they die.  If it's something you and your sibs want, and dad can't afford it...I think it would be a wonderfully loving gesture if you kids purchased it.  =)

by Nancy on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:06 PM

When my father died my mother paid for the headstone that had both of them on it from an annuity she had to pay for the funeral.  They had bought the cemetary plots a long time ago.  I think that who buys it is who wants to pay for it.

by Silver Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:14 PM

 I would pay for it 

by Lisa on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:23 PM

I don't think there is a specific person who is supposed to purchase things like that. Some peoplelike to do it themselves so as to not "burden" their loved one's after they are gone. Some just don't have the money to do it themselves or as in your case, their children want to do it out of love. It is sad that your brother refuses to help. It seems to me, in many cases, the more money people have, the more selfish they tend to get.

Forget your younger brother and just keep saving or perhaps choose a less expensive companion stone. 

by Susie on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:26 PM
Insurance if you got it should cover it. Mom bought my Dads. The plaque was free to all veterans. Mom got a small stone it was mounted on with insurance. My mom had hers picked out and paid for.
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by Susie on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:28 PM
My inlaws bought cemetery plots years ago. They just prepaid their funerals last month.
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by Jeanine on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:41 PM

 My mom bought the grave stone when my dad died.  But since your dad can't afford it, it makes sense for you kids to do it.  I think it is horrible that your brother, who CAN afford it, won't chip in!

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:35 PM

I don't know.  Never had a headstone in our family.  All of my realtives have een cremated. and their ashes have een passed on to whomever they designated and disposed of how they designated.  

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:48 PM

It doesn't matter, My parents paid for theirs, but if Dad can't pay for it, you kids should.  If younger brother wasn't a selfish person, he should offer to pay for it himself, since he can most afford it, but there you are, every family has one slacker, and apparently your younger brother is the one.

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