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I'm the evil step-mother.

Posted by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:06 PM
  • 23 Replies

I purposely did not invite my step-kids to my Mom's house this Thanksgiving.  I don't want to be around them I hate family gatherings when they attend because the step-daughter (age 25) is always just looking for a reason to be pissed off.  And the step- son (age 24) is so racist that everything is the "N" word.  My son who is 21 is expecting his first child,  when I mentioned what they are going to name her (Kenlee)  he said that sounded like a "N" name.  No one can say anything to him because he would probably knock you down.  When my step-daughter thought that her bio-brother had attended Thanksgiving with us, she called me up and started screaming at me.  I just handed the phone to her Dad.  This is not the 1st time this has happened.  I no longer prepare Christmas dinner because of their actions in the past.  But this year is my turn to host the family Christmas Eve get together and there is no way of getting out of it. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?  If I interact with them I will either piss off my step-daughter or get called a derogatory name by my step-son.  If I try to keep my distance I will be accused of ignoring them.  My husband is aware of how I feel, but he stil wants to see his kids and include them and I don't blame him.  He truly tries to keep the peace and takes up for me when he see's or hears this behavior.   They act like "night and day" around my husband so he doesn't always see or hear it first hand.  I guess I am doomed to have miserable holidays for the rest of my married life.

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
passionatebren
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:10 PM
3 moms liked this

The only thing I can offer is maybe your dh needs to talk to them and let them know they need to be on their best behavior or they will be asked to leave by him. Let him be the bad guy they are his kids and may respond better to it coming from him. I am a step parent too and when my 16 year old gets out of hand I let her dad deal with it. It saves my sanity and I don't get so upset!

HopesNDreams
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:13 PM
2 moms liked this
If they behave when DH is around, then you two should stick together 100% of the time during the events. Either that, or choose to not be present and let him have the holiday time with just them - maybe lunch with them and dinner with you?
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Mariagma3
by Silver Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 Could you text them or email them, explain that they are invited? Also explain, that if they make any filthy or rude remarks, they will be told to leave right there on the spot. Or have hub do it, they're his kids!

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like a good plan to me.

Quoting passionatebren:

The only thing I can offer is maybe your dh needs to talk to them and let them know they need to be on their best behavior or they will be asked to leave by him. Let him be the bad guy they are his kids and may respond better to it coming from him. I am a step parent too and when my 16 year old gets out of hand I let her dad deal with it. It saves my sanity and I don't get so upset!


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Esmrlda
by Esme on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 How miserable for you.  Im happy to hear that Dh sticks up for you. good  I agree the PP to have dh at your side at all times.

caro100
by Carol on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:43 PM
2 moms liked this

The stepkids are angry.  I still have problems with my stepdaughter age 27.    They see you, whether it is true or not the reason their father left their Mother.  My husbands exwife told their daughter that it was my fault, they split up.  We didn't even know each other when they split up and they had been seperated and gone to court once to divorce before we ever even met.  By the time we started dating they had gone to court twice and because of the exes shenanigans had had their case cintinued.  Anyway, my point is they will always feel hostility towards you and it is your husbands place and duty to give them the ground rules, be nice and polite, or ultimatum that they stay away, because he won't have you disrepected.  If he wants to see them for Christmas and they can't be mature, he needs to make seperate plans to see them away from the general celebration.  Good luck.

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Since they are good when your husband is around, I agree that sticking by his side is what you should do.  But I also agree that he should have a discussion with them letting them know that he would expect them to be on their good behavior with no racist remarks or innuendos as they are, afterall adults and should act like adults.  I too wish you good luck.

EireLass
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Have the big talk with your husband ahead of time. Set the rules for yourselves. He needs to talk to them in advance and tell them how they must behave in YOUR home, and how they are to treat YOU. And he also must tell them the first time they act out, they will be expected to leave.

Shellness
by Michell on Nov. 29, 2012 at 8:24 PM
1 mom liked this

You should be telling this to your husband and demand that he has a talk with them both before hand.

homeskoolmama
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:02 PM
1 mom liked this

He could become my second skin or have his time with them alone. So sorry!

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