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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Things I have read on here about moms helping out their adult children, or criticisms on certain things....I am feeling.

I know my 24 year old daughter is going through a tough time because of the hurt she is experiencing.  We've sent them to a marriage retreat to help jump start a direction in this healing process and we were happy to do so.

While I recognize this has to be tough on her, I'm noticing her "shutting down" as it is reflecting her care for our grand daughter.  Now, these may come across as 'small' stuff and I'm the first to admit, I do not want to sweat the small stuff...however, I'd like some input on how to "tow the line" of boundaries to ensure I don't enable my son-in-law and his role as husband in their home and the work he needs to do in the healing process.  As well as, keep my mouth shut when my daughter brings my grand daughter over for my Wednesday watching her while her parents work. (Today, she came in saturated diaper as my daughter slept until the last minute, threw the baby in the car and brought her over)  Nora had a pretty red bottom from sitting in the diaper for so long.

Also, my daughter posted a pic of her baby sleeping and all I could see in the picture was dried pee spots all around my grand baby as her mom hadn't changed the sheets in what appeared "a long time."  

I am Trying to keep my mouth shut, my opinions to myself, and not be critical in my thoughts....but I have to admit, I am struggling.

I changed Nora, went to feed her (baby food as she is 6 months old), and my daughter brought one jar of veggies ...enough for lunch feeding.  Nora is usually here through dinner feeding.  My daughter was not this much of an air head in her parenting before...and it seems as if she's just too lazy to take the time and spoon feed her baby food...she'd rather just give her a bottle of formula...

Because she is my daughter, I can tell she is 'shutting down'...again, while I can have grace on what she is going through, I would hope she could see that this is not their babies fault and she is an innocent bystander of the circumstance.  

I, on the other hand need the strength to "stay out of it" and let them find their way.  I KNOW this, but I sure feel the temptation to punch my son in law, and scream at my daughter...neither are in my character, but I am sure thinking those tempting thoughts.  

In addition, she wants to come over here every time she is home alone.  Now I get that leaving her to her own thoughts could be a double edge sword...but I honestly don't want her here all the time.  I watch their baby on Wed. every week, and I don't mind that one day...but that is all I am willing to do, otherwise they need to hire a sitter.  Sundays, her husband works and she spends the entire day here with us...which is fine because our other kids come and hang out on Sundays....then, on my only day to myself (Tuesdays) she is texting as early as 7:30am.  Yesterday, I held her off until 3 pm...but my goodness, I am thrilled she wants to come over (and NO, I will not take over when she comes over...that is Her baby...I just coo and goo...but leave the care taking to her), but she needs to do things for her family...not check out at my place, that will Not help their marriage.

What are your thoughts?

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Replies (31-33):
JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 1:24 PM

With everything she has gone through, she surley is depressed. It's probably taking everything she has just to get through the day. I bet she feels so much comfort when she's with you. It's going to take some time. Everyone handles these thing differently. Maybe you could just tell her that you're a little worried because you've noticed that she hasn't been taking care of the  baby like she used, and you know how much she loves her baby and wouldn't be carring for her this way normally. Does she have any other friends with kids? Do you think they'll stay together?

momma-t42
by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:29 PM


Quoting JenniferW67:

With everything she has gone through, she surley is depressed. It's probably taking everything she has just to get through the day. I bet she feels so much comfort when she's with you. It's going to take some time. Everyone handles these thing differently. Maybe you could just tell her that you're a little worried because you've noticed that she hasn't been taking care of the  baby like she used, and you know how much she loves her baby and wouldn't be carring for her this way normally. Does she have any other friends with kids? Do you think they'll stay together?

She has one other friend with a baby about the same age.  I know this is hard on her and my heart hurts for her going through this.  We did chat a bit last night and she was receptive to my concern.

I am not sure if they will stay together.  My heart wants to believe in my SIL as I'm sure my daughter also wants to believe in him as well.  Just a big blow to the head being 24 and have Never been hurt by a man.  So, I'm sure it makes it all so much more alarming for her.  She has such a tender heart and believes good in each person.

Time will tell I suppose. 

Thanks for you words and thoughts :)

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 3:03 PM

I'll pray for strength, comfort, peace and guidance for her and the mending of her marriage.

Quoting momma-t42:


Quoting JenniferW67:

With everything she has gone through, she surley is depressed. It's probably taking everything she has just to get through the day. I bet she feels so much comfort when she's with you. It's going to take some time. Everyone handles these thing differently. Maybe you could just tell her that you're a little worried because you've noticed that she hasn't been taking care of the  baby like she used, and you know how much she loves her baby and wouldn't be carring for her this way normally. Does she have any other friends with kids? Do you think they'll stay together?

She has one other friend with a baby about the same age.  I know this is hard on her and my heart hurts for her going through this.  We did chat a bit last night and she was receptive to my concern.

I am not sure if they will stay together.  My heart wants to believe in my SIL as I'm sure my daughter also wants to believe in him as well.  Just a big blow to the head being 24 and have Never been hurt by a man.  So, I'm sure it makes it all so much more alarming for her.  She has such a tender heart and believes good in each person.

Time will tell I suppose. 

Thanks for you words and thoughts :)


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