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Christmas Family Problems

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:13 PM
  • 17 Replies

Let me start by saying that family is number 1 in my book. I have 2 children ages 20 & 23. I have been remarried for 2 years now to a wonderful man that treats my two children like his own. This being said the holiday season is my favorite time of years it provides an opportunity to spend some quality time with my kids along with the fact all of our family lives within a decent short driving time of each others homes. I am very fortunate for this as I cherish each family member. However I am one who likes to plan ahead as a lot of people to accommodate the schedules that envelope us with a blended family. We have my parents, 3 brothers and their families along with my husbands parents and two siblings and their families along with my children's fathers family they spend time with to work out coordinating schedules. My family along with my husbands families have both celebrated Christmas eve each for as long as we both remember so this poses the reasoning for pre planning schedules. Problem is when I approached my mother first with the topic of the Christmas scheduling a few days after thanksgiving she thought it was too early to plan. She is one that I find becomes overwhelmed when something needs to be scheduled or planned ahead. I offered to take this over to make things easier but she did not want that. She said she would talk to everyone and see what schedules looked like as some work retail. In meantime my husbands family wanted to coordinate timing of Christmas eve as they have in laws to visit also on this night. We went ahead and planned a time for my in laws house as the majority there could make it at a certain time and we did not have plans yet on my side. Then today my mom gives me the time she decided on for our side and it is within an hour of my husbands families. When I told her my dilemma of working out a plan she basically bit my head off and said some very nasty things to me. My feelings are so deeply hurt yet I asked her why she was acting that way to me she asked me if I was having PMS. This was not the case and I am always nothing but respectful to my mother so I do not know what is going on. She hung up on me and then proceeded to send me a text to just worry about ourselves and made me feel selfish even though I am trying to work out a plan for that day especially since the drive between the families is not too far. HELP! I have tried to basically apologize for something I didn't do to keep peace but I do not feel I did anything wrong. She said she feels as though I put the other family first when frankly I was asking her first and still trying to coordinate both. Any thoughts on how to remedy as i want to enjoy the holidays!

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CoeyG
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:06 AM

I don't get why you are hurt.  Obviously when you spoke with your mother she wasn't ready to plan for Christmas at that moment, but she was later on. 

hugss
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:13 AM

I think you need tro plan what works out best for everyone,
Not sure why your MOm was hurt/upset.
You can only do your best as far as pleasing everyone.
Remember its what works best for all :)

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:46 AM
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Ick and yuck, what an icky situation! I'm glad I'm not you, but if I were, I would wait a couple days and call her. I would remind her that you had asked her about scheduling and she wanted to wait. I would remind her that the family dynamics have changed and there are lots more people to consider now. Explain your side as far as scheduling and then ask her if she can come up with a solution. If she gets nasty again, I would apologize that things have become more complicated, and maybe it would be best to skip getting together this year and let her know that your hurt that she won't compromise. Good luck! Does she like your husband?

Picktownmom
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:57 AM

My mom loves my husband. And actually with this situation made the comment that I was making her look like an idiot to my husband and his family. My husband is easygoing but just doesn't want to see anyone upset especially now. After talking with my brother he feels that I am my moms "safe" one being the only girl out of 4 kids. Her and I have been close but I feel lately I have to watch what I talk about to her. I know she is worried about my 94 year old grandmother and tat is probably weighting on her. 

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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:45 AM

Let us know what's going on then :)

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:42 PM
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This time of year is so tough, everyone has their expectations and are so often disappointed. I hope this all works out for you and your family and you can enjoy Christmas together.

Quoting Picktownmom:

My mom loves my husband. And actually with this situation made the comment that I was making her look like an idiot to my husband and his family. My husband is easygoing but just doesn't want to see anyone upset especially now. After talking with my brother he feels that I am my moms "safe" one being the only girl out of 4 kids. Her and I have been close but I feel lately I have to watch what I talk about to her. I know she is worried about my 94 year old grandmother and tat is probably weighting on her. 


Picktownmom
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:22 PM

Thanks for all your concerns and supports. I know things will work out. I guess I have been very fortunate to have a close relationship with my mom and since things aren't going as normal I feel out of whack. 

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:44 PM

Believe me, I know what you mean. My mom (she's 80) and I have always been close and I'm not sure why, but over the last few years we have had our issues. I HATE it! I know how much we love each other and its so stupid to let things things get overblown.

Quoting Picktownmom:

Thanks for all your concerns and supports. I know things will work out. I guess I have been very fortunate to have a close relationship with my mom and since things aren't going as normal I feel out of whack. 


GoBabs
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:55 PM

Maybe you could stop in at her place earlier and visit before everybody gets there.  It could be quieter and more intimate until the masses come. 

jabs54
by Jeanine on Dec. 11, 2012 at 3:06 PM

 I'm sorry she was so rude to you!  Since both families celebrate on the same day why don't you go there every other holiday.  That's what we do in our family.

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