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Afraid things are going the wrong way.

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:26 AM
  • 27 Replies

Well, my daughter had an interview early last week but she did not get the job. Her efforts in finding a job have dramatically decreased. Yesterday she was still in her pajamas at 2 pm and she did one application online and that is it.

I told her that my husband and I had talked and that we would give her 1 month to get a job, if she did not manage to find something in that time she was going to need to move out. I also told her that if she continued to sleep half the day and not look for a job or be productive then it would be 2 weeks that she would have to move out.

She tried pulling a guilt trip on me saying "great mom, that would be a good idea, so I will end up homeless again and become an alcoholic!" I told her that what she does is her choice, that she doesn't have to choose to drink. I tried to remind her that our obligation to support her ended when she graduated last year and that we are doing her a favor by letting her stay here. Why does she not get that this is her life????? 

Her attitude is good overall, but the bad attitude is sneaking in a little more and more, with snide comments and sharp retorts. I just want her to be okay.

I am afraid to let her go out as I am so scared she will drink. We let her go out one night last weekend and told her to be home by 1130, she came home at 1100 and my husband swore he thought she was tipsy. It wasn't obvious to me, but I was in denial because I had told her that if she drank she would have to move out and I didn't want to have to kick her out. It seems so ridiculous to put such strict rules on an 18 year old, but if she is to live in my house, I am going to impose rules!

She posted something about vodka last night on facebook. The funny thing is she was home all night, or so I think, so I am not sure if she was just looking for her friends to react or me. 

Anyway, this is kind of a rant/update. Thanks for listening.

by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:26 AM
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by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:35 AM

Good for yopu on setting those rules as she is in your house,
Keep doing it & make sure she follows them.
She is underage to drink yes ?
That all by itself is another can of worms.
Hope she keeps looking for a job & good luck to you both :)

nana9106
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:16 PM

 Good for you!

Stand your ground

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Dec. 12, 2012 at 1:06 PM

Tough love is never easy.  Be sure to follow through should it become necessary.

gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 1:12 PM

 I agree 

Quoting nana9106:

 Good for you!

Stand your ground

 

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 12, 2012 at 1:57 PM
Her attitude sucks. If she is not awake by 9am she would get a pitcher of ice water thrown on her. My girls never ever sleep all day,ever, no matter what age. Sounds very lazy.
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Shellness
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:07 PM
3 moms liked this

Its a test, living with these young adults and trying to make them grow into productive adults. A test to see how strong we are mentally because they are enough to make us completely insane.

nursejulieanne
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:16 PM


Quoting atlmom2:

Her attitude sucks. If she is not awake by 9am she would get a pitcher of ice water thrown on her. My girls never ever sleep all day,ever, no matter what age. Sounds very lazy.

The thing is, I shouldn't have to! I am so tired of micro managing her. Besides not letting her go out, she should be doing this on her own! She told us she couldn't find a job before because she didn't have a steady place to live, but we have given her that again and except for the first few days she is still NOT looking. There is no excuse now. I think I just had to give her another chance for my own peace of mind. But really, if this keeps up, 2 weeks and she is gone. I just wish she would quit blaming me and take responsibility for herself.

I guess if I took your advice she might actually leave of her own will! =)


DesignGirl450
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:20 PM

I am a big fan of the "my house, my rules"  way of dealing with young adult kids living at home.   Has your daughter had a job before?  Is she depressed do you think?   Is she intimidated that she doesn't have much to offer an employer so is holding back and seriously looking?   Tell her to go to the malls and apply at every store as they all use extra staff just before Christmas and she might be a temporary position, which would at least give her some work experience. 

jabs54
by Jeanine on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:23 PM

 Does she have plans to go to school?  How will she support herself without an education?  Why did she say she would end up homeless AGAIN and an alcoholic?  Sounds like she has problems that goes beyond not finding a job.

CoeyG
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 4:28 PM
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I will say this, at this time of year companies are less likely to hire, retailers have got their quota of holiday help filled and while they may hire for "on call" if you don't get called you don't get paid.  Other companies such as calling centers pare down this time of year as well because most orders coming in are only for Christmas and those calls/orders will e gone after Christmas.  Keep in mind that between after Christmas and February first some places do hire temp help but that would be for inventory purposes only and after Feruary that help will be let go as well.  Most businesses do not pick up until spring. 

That said, there are things your daughter can do to "get her foot in the door" She can volunteer at local charity thrift stores This time of year Salvation Army, Goodwill and even Hospice Thrift Stores are looking for someone to come in for a couple of hours to help out although they can't pay them.  Volunteer in local hospitals or nursing homes.  Sometimes in nursing homes volunteers are the only interaction those people get.  Families tend to "forget" about "grandma" once she winds up in a nursing home.  Volunteer in a coup kitchen, let her find out just how difficult life really is on the "outside" , let her see entire families sitting at one of the tables mother and father both out of work, no money with kids to feed and clothe let alone get Christmas gifts for.  Tell her to keep in mind that all of this volunteering will look very good on her Resume'.  That is how my daughter got her first paying job in retail, she spent 6 monhts as a volunteer for Hospice Thrift store and in a soup kitchen.  Now she Asst manages a lrge motel in Texas, has her own place whee everything is paid for including Wifi internet and the top of the line cable channels which include all the premiums plus she gets a decent wage,  two days off a week, medical and vision benfits Not bad. 

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