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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Our son has dropped out of college. It's kind of heartbreaking because we know life is going to be harder for him now but I'm not mad at him. He was miserable and academics is just not his thing.

Here is what I wanted to talk about, my BIL says that we should not take him on trips and he should pay rent and so on.

Well we always told the kids they'd have to get a job and pay rent. We've already told him how much rent he will have to pay and when he will start.

We enjoy our son. We want him to go on trips with us generally unless they are romantic ones for two.

We do not have a hate on over his "throwing away his future" and I just can't understand how or why parents think this way.

Ugh.

Anyway, what would you do if your kids moved back home? What rules would you have?

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:53 PM
Replies (21-30):
Missy5326
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:33 AM
Our son 25 just moved home after college. It took 4 months for him to find a decent job. He pays room and board has to cook a family dinner two nights a week and has to clean up after himself sothere isnt a lot of extra work for me. Also because we work he has to stay downstairs after 10. He has a living room, bedroom and half bath down there so every thing works out for us.
terri-553
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:19 PM

Same rules,pay rent,feed yourself,I am cooking but if you don;t eat then cook your own.When we go somewhere look after the house pets,do your own laundry.Clean up after yourself.And you have 6months to a year to move out,we;ve already done all of that

campingmomof4
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:12 PM

 We have a family vacation every year.  We pay for it.  I pick where we are going.  If the kids want to come they can.   They are all adults and can go on there own vacations once they graduate from high school.  All other trips that we go on they can pay there own way. 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:23 PM

 I think having a job and contributing to the household is important. Having specific chores to do and paying a share of the rent or a utility bill. School isnt for everyone.  Maybe he will find something else he likes to do and excel at it.

kam013
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:02 PM


Quoting Esmrlda:

 I think having a job and contributing to the household is important. Having specific chores to do and paying a share of the rent or a utility bill. School isnt for everyone.  Maybe he will find something else he likes to do and excel at it.

Esme, off topic, but how is your daughter doing?  Did you get to spend some time with your FS over the holidays?  Hope you are feeling well these days.  I haven't been on much, so I miss a lot.  K

homeskoolmama
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:58 PM
2 moms liked this

My 21 yo son lives at home. He works full time and pays his own cell phone, gas, car insurance, student loans, gym membership and buys his own clothes, personal products and some food. Rules, respect our home, let me know where you are and when you'll be here. No drinking and driving. No girls in the house. When we go to dinner, he goes if he is off work. We pay. He is our child, 21 or not. We love him and enjoy having him around. he is not paying rent because he is saving up for his own place and trying to pay off his loans. I don't agree with everyone on making them pay and not living at home.

IF he were not being responsible I might make different rules.

gonecrazi
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:03 PM
1 mom liked this

 Same as you. Pay rent,get a job,and respect the rules of the house.

CoeyG
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:25 PM
1 mom liked this

The roof I provided over my daughter's head was never her roof.  As her mother (and father) we provided for her but as an able bodied adult she was able to rent her own place and when I moved out I moved to a place for me a one bedroom and if she wanted to move with me she would have to share and if she wanted a bedroom she would have to pay for it out of her own money because even though she had CS until she was 21 that didn't cover the  entire rent, half of all of the utlities she would use up plus groceries, cable, and internet as well as doctor visitis, for her and vehicle insurance.  and she moved in knowing the rules of my home.  No adults live in my home as mooches

twistandshout
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this

 Good Luck with guiding your son, maybe into a tech school. My Son just graduated with a degree in nuclear science and is doing very well. He is 21 and stays home with me. We share expenses and haveboy kissing mom  great respect for each other. Something will work out for your son, he just has to find his niche in life. Please do not let anyone tell you how to treat your Son. All will be ok.

Esmrlda
by Esme on Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting kam013:


Quoting Esmrlda:

 I think having a job and contributing to the household is important. Having specific chores to do and paying a share of the rent or a utility bill. School isnt for everyone.  Maybe he will find something else he likes to do and excel at it.

Esme, off topic, but how is your daughter doing?  Did you get to spend some time with your FS over the holidays?  Hope you are feeling well these days.  I haven't been on much, so I miss a lot.  K

 I did, we had him for five days over the holiday.  It was wonderful, all the kids were home and my dad came out for a week and a half. He was well behaved and a joy to have at the house.  I think he is finally growing up.  My dd is good except for the maybe torn ACL. So we will see what happens with that. I have good weeks and bad weeks as in really tired. Otherwise I am doing well.  Thank you for asking!  I miss having you in the group but am happy to see that you have checked in.  How were your holidays?  Did you go on that vacation you wanted too last year?

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