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Need advice on my twenty yr old son with depression and social anxiety

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:00 AM
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My son has been dealing with depression and social anxiety since he was fourteen years old. I think there is something else going on, too, but no one can put their finger on it. He also has mood swings. One moment he's kind and docile then the next he's mean to me and using curse words. It's so frustrating.

I mention this to the doctor, but he says the mood swings are from the depression. The doctor put him on three different kinds of medications. They seem to be helping as far as him not having the crying jags like he was. But he still is afraid to get out and meet people or even try to find a job. He has no friends. It breaks my heart. Is there anyone who can give me some advice and even maybe have a son who could be friends with my son. We are in the Tampa Bay area of Florida?



by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:00 AM
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by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:27 PM

 Is he bipolar? He also may have some reclusive issue. I would suggest he get put on antidepresants. My son is bipolar, he should be taking his meds, but not. What works for my son is to find what makes him happiest. For my son, it's working; having a little cash and freedom, and being around his 4 y.o. son. Good luck to him!

by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:51 PM

Have you thought of getting your son into counseling or a support group?  My daughter was having depression,anxiety and she was also diagnosed bi-polar while in her senior year of high school.  The counselor at her high school gave us a list of counseling and support groups to check into.  While she was willing to go they were doing both of us good,because they had help for the parents also. It helped both of us understand better how to deal with her issues.

They may even have some one who is wiling to come out your home since your son has social anxieties.  Check on line for support groups and counseling in your area.

I wish you luck. :)

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:33 PM
Classic bipolar & or manic depressive behavior. He needs to have a second opinion on his mental illness. The sad fact is that its nearly impossible to heal the mind or the body without addressing ALL the issues. That being said, he should be on medicines and therapy in the form of a licensed therapist. Unfortunately many people with a form of mental illness don't feel worthy or don't trust others enough to be able to form or maintain friendship. If that is the case here...those things will fall into place naturally during the healing process. I will be praying for you and him. Wishing you love and happiness!
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by Jeanine on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:00 PM

 I am thinking maybe he needs to be assessed by a different psychiatrist???  A doctor should be able to "put their finger on it"...

by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:21 PM

 It sounds like you are on the right path.     I think for additional help,    I would help to eductae him.    If he understands what is going on, it might make him feel better about things.     He can then place the focus on helping himself.  

    Something to remember is that not everyone is like "us".   He is probably content being the way he is.   We can only relate their quality of life by what we enjoy.   Not everyone enjoys socializing and having alot of friends.    " All we need is love" and he has family- which is more important than friends....    He has what he needs so he just needs a little help.  


by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:53 PM

To help you... redirect your thoughts to gratitude.   When it comes to helping him,    get logical.      Emotions= reactions/ logic=action,    Try not to react and get overly emotional.      Focus on what is good.     Think of mothers who have lost their children.   They would go through these kinds of struggles with a great appreciation and not worry about things that we put so much power on.    Try to help minimize it all.   So he doesn't have friends ( right now)  and has some social and isolation challenges.    It could be so much worse.   He has the rest of his life to change. 

   Once he gets the right meds,   it will help him tremendously.    Hang in there until they get it right.    Take car of yourself.   Try not to let this eat away at you.   Humor helps to break through pain.      Make sure to laugh everyday...      " Strength comes not from hanging on, but by letting go  "       Hugs..      


by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:57 PM

I have 4 grown children. The advice you alreaady received was awesome. I think our society wants us to be the same, outgoing  and friendly. Having 3 sons I know how important it was to have a girlfriend. When it didn't happen right away one was crushed. My daughter dealt with it better but I think some things are like a right of passage. If it doesn't happen they become depressed and feel like a loser. It is difficult for them to talk about it. You need to find something your son enjoys and is good at or something he might like to do. The effort at first is going to be on you. The fire departments have places for young men to help out. This will make him feel worthier which is probably what he is needing at the moment. If it is a sport he likes find a rec program. He sounds as if he is afraid of failure. If you have another son perhaps he might help by engaging him in a building project or a community service. Your son needs support in his ventures until he can face it alone. He also may be bipolar in which case it is out of my area. I wish you the best as nothing is as hurtful or painful as when our child is hurting no matter what the age. 

by Lisa on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:33 PM

I am sorry your son is suffering. My husband has social anxiety and it is rough to deal with sometimes.  It sounds like your son has bi-polar disoder to me rather than depression.

by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:33 PM

If you and her are not getting what you need from his current doctors try other doctors and therapy. Cognative Behavioral Therapy could help too.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:29 PM

My oldest son has many of these symptoms. They started when he was around 13, so similar to your son. The doctor is right about the anxiety from what I know, that when you get the depression under control, the anxiety will get much better or go away. He needs to be seeing a psychiatrist though, not just a pediatrician. Does he? 

I live just North of Orlando. I can ask my psychiatrist if she knows a good one in your area if you want me to. I'm about 2 hours from you. A little less. How old is he now? 

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