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My son's girlfriend is tearing my family apart

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:20 PM
  • 25 Replies

My oldest son has been with his girlfriend for 3 1/2 years.  In that time she has cheated on him, threatened to distroy his career as well has his brothers, and been extremely disrespectful to me on many occasions.

My son has the family cell plan in his name, I wanted him to build credit when he turned 18.  It worked and has not been a problem til SHE stuck her nose into the situation.  He pays the bill for my youngest son and me and I pay his car insurance.  The cell bill he pays is 90 dollars, the insurance I pay is 110.  Last fall there was a billing mistake that added 80 dollars to the bill.  She called the company and caused problems by being a bitch,  I fixed the billing error and told my son I would not deal with her on similar issues again, I told him it was not good for my relationship with her.

She started again last weekend.  I texted my son I did not want to deal with her on finincail issues.  By  that afternoon I was subjected to texts and phone calls demanding I put all the lines but his in my name.  Triggered by another billing error on my youngest son's line of $1.99.  The rest of us want to change plans but need a bit of time to find the right one.  REQUEST denied.  She threatened to turn the lines off and did remove texting and data from mine.

It has come to the point where I am so broken hearted I have no idea what to do.  My son's latest text said he wanted to have a relationship with me but there had to be boundaries, I tried to set a boundary she would not honor it.  I have bent over backwards to make things easier for her all she does is make my life hell.  I love my son but have no idea how to get past the hurt this girl has caused him, my other sons and me.

Sorry this was so long, I didn't even scratch the surface.

HELP!

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry. *hugs*

I hope he wakes up soon. In the meantime have him pay his own bills and get your own phone plan separate from him and his gf who is causing these problems.

pam355
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:39 PM

Hi this is my first day and I hope what I have to say will be helpful. As much as I agree with you I know down the road you are the one who will be most hurt if you can't reconcile the situation. I have 3 DIL's and wrote the book mother-in-law daughter-in-law dilemma. I think for mil's it is new territory when their son takes a girlfriend or wife. Suddenly you must call before comeing to visit and basically refrain from giving advice. This is not just you but all of us who go through it. the tough thing is if you the mil don't fix it you have the loss of your son and possibly grandchildren. Dil's are young and quick to judge. (I point this out as advice for what dil's should not do) they want to be the boss of the man and feel threatened by you as the other woman. It is okay for their mom to stop but not the mil. Believe me you can work it out and get around all of this but with more effort or  most of the effort from you.

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Your son is perfectly capable of  building credit in his own name, on his own.  The FIRST thing you should do, is sever his phone line from yours and your younger son's lines.  The SECOND thing you should do, is make him pay his own auto insurance.  (Girlfriend or not, he should have been paying for his OWN phone, service and supporting his car since he was 16.  My kids did.  They were easily able to work enough hours to support their wants, while still keeping up their grades.) 

I don't know if he still lives with you, but it sounds like he does not.  When you son says he wants a relationship, but there have to be boundries--that means HE sets the boundries!!  That works if he has his own place, and is self supporting.  However if he lives in your house, then he needs to understand the one setting boundries, is YOU.   

It's time to let your son grow up.  He wants boundries.  Fine, let him have boundries.  Boundries means he's ON HIS OWN.  Hook, line and sinker.  If he still lives with you, tell him he has 8 weeks to find someplace to live.  In the meantime, do what I said in the first paragraph, and other than that, leave him alone.  Let him work out his relationship, and his life, on his own.  If he WANTS input from you, he will ask for it.  And on 8 weeks and 1 day, his stuff goes out on the front lawn.          

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:19 PM
I would never put a bill of mine in my kids name, never. He needs his own credit. He is an adult so he should be on his own if he isn't going by your rules. Let him sink or swim with his girlfriend.
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nana9106
by Darlene on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:27 PM
I agree with the others. It it time for him to do it on his own. You can transfer yours and your other sons cell numbers to a new account.
Tell your son that he needs to pay for his own car insurance, that you will be taking him off of your policy at the end of the billing cycle. Once everything is seperated then you should have wayyy less problems with the GF and possibly be able to form a cordial relationship with her.
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Cindy18
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:29 PM

IMHO, I think you need to get your own cell phone plan and leave them to themselves. 

How is she able to change things on his plan? No one will even talk to me at my cell phone carry because of a mix up with the billing names on the account. 

kuntrylady56
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:43 PM

Like all the other ladies have said. Tell him you're getting your own phone service for you and younger son. And after the end of the month he'll need to have his own car insurance.  I would say by now he has his own credit?  And if not its about ime he gets some.  

And I think by now you've gotten the idea that the girlfriend isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Let him grow up! No more hands on Mom's apron strings needed.

Shellness
by Michell on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:11 PM

I have nothing new to add but I just want to tell you that I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope it gets better soon.

CoeyG
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Nope you're blaming the wrong person.  What he allowws her to do isn't her fault, it is his fault.  You need to talk only with your son on thiese issues because you are the one wanting to keep them between you and he.  If he wants to  allow her in on them then you need to get on him for it and stop blaming her fot the choices that he makes.  If he is an adult then you need need to allow him to make the big boy choices regarding his life and put the responsiblity for whatever mistakes you see him making in hsi life back on thi his shoulders and stop blaming her for them.  You are making her as responsible for his choices and actions as a parent would be for a child, she isn't his mother...

jabs54
by Jeanine on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:18 PM

 I'm not sure how old he is but it sounds like you guys need to separate the bills.  I don't know how this girl changed your plan because our provider will not talk to anyone who is not authorized.  Anyway, your son is exhibiting bad judgement by being with someone like that but if you want to keep a relationship with your son you'll have to keep quiet.  Sorry, I hope things get better.

   (((hugs)))

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