I don't even know where to begin so if anyone has additional questions I'll be happy to answer. DH and I have been married almost 18 yrs. we both had full custody of our 3 kids which we raised in our home. When we met, our kids were, 9bs, 12ss, 14sd. They're adults now and our middle, my ss is married with 2 children.
Ss and I never got along. The older he got the less he wanted to do with me. For years I begged DH to get him help, to no avail. Ss grew to be disrespectful, extremely self absorbed and very angry. We put all three of our kids thru college, even though ss received tuition reimbursement from his reservist position. In SS's first yr of college, he told dh since he (ss) saved him so much money for his college tuition, ss should be reimbursed for the savings. DH and ss decided $600 a month would be 'fair' compensation for his college contribution. DH told me that he was doing this w/o discussing it with me. Ss pocketed the money for a year bf he dropped out his 2nd year. It became that DH and I could not have a civil conversation about my ss w/o fighting. DH refused to see things as they were and would continuously defend him, his attitude and allow his disrespect to continue.
I grew up in a verbally abusive home. It has taken me years to try to reverse the effects of this abuse. I refused to allow the people that abused me and my siblings do the same to MY family so i decided i had to break away from them. Up until that point in my life that was the most difficult thing I ever did. I saw that same type of verbal abuse come back with my ss. If he didn't get his way, ss became belligerent, would name call, manipulate, pull others into the argument, not let us see our gbabies, and so on. After doing so much to get rid of the abuse in my life, ss was bringing it back and DH was ok with it. last year I decided that I had enough with ss behavior and his ultimatums. I never accepted that behavior from my other two, nor would I put up with it from my ss. Bc of this we were not allowed to see our gbabies for their birthdays last yr, Thanksgiving or Christmas. It's been heartbreaking for us not seeing them. The only way we will be allowed to see the gbabies again, according to my ss, is if we once again give into one of his ultimatums! Needless to say, DH and I have been arguing about ss again. This is an 18 year argument! I really need advice and a reality check. I am soo hurt that DH doesn't even see what this is doing to me, or if he does, doesn't care enough. I've dedicated my life to my family and now I feel it's all for nothing. How can I continue to live a life with someone who's primary concern is to defend his adult son over me? PLEASE am I being unreasonable? Is DH? Is ss?
Any advice is welcome!
on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:17 PM