Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

So I am probably the worst wife ever....

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:23 PM
  • 25 Replies

 My hubby just had surgery last Monday.  Back in September he had a mass in his intestine that he had removed (non cancerous thank God)  anyway, because of that surgery, he ended up with an Ostomy bag.  Last Monday he had that surgery reversed so he no longer has the bag. 

Well, I know he's in pain.  I am just so so so tired of his constant moaning and groaning and his constant act that he's incapable of doing anything...  Lifting I totally understand, that's a big no no right now, I don't mind taking care of that kind of stuff. But come on, he cant even put the dressing over the surgical site???  a piece of guaze and tape?  And then the getting up off the recliner.  I understand that he's on pain meds and it can make a person act differently, but I am really tired of being snapped at for everything I do.  It doesn't matter, everything I do is wrong.  We have two dogs, At night they go into the shop, and i turn the heater on for them.  Apparently on Saturday, 6pm was too late for me to do this (I usually do it at 8pm)  because it was soooo cold outside.  (the dogs have constant access to the shop, just not the heater until nightime.)  He started ragging on me about that. 

I just don't know that after he is done if I really want to stay with him any longer.  I think I'm at that point that I really just don't care about him anymore.  He's constantly putting me down.  He can go out and buy whatever he feels like, but if I even want to eat lunch out (like Wendys), I'm told we don't have any money and we need to make the housepayment.  I tell him I need gas for my car so I can get back and forth to work, and he has a cow.  He knows I need gas, but he'll tell me we don't have alot of money, so I don't fill the tank up, then he gets pissed when I tell him I need gas again..  This morning for my lunch today I put a Zatarans Blacken chicken alfredo and two yoplait peach yougurts in my bag.  His comment..... You eat alot.  I love going to work after i've been crying makes for a wonderful day. 

What should I do?   This is the same man that purchased a hand gun and a rifle and has them both in the house, even though I voiced my opinion on guns and how much I do not like them and didn't want them in the house,  He just went and got them anyway not even considering my feelings or even discussing it further.. 

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
EireLass
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:49 PM
6 moms liked this

If I were you, I'd take the 2 guns and sell them.....serves 2 purposes. You get to have them out of your house, and you have gas money for quite awhile.

jabs54
by Jeanine on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:59 PM

 I can understand being annoyed at him.  "A certain male" in my family is horrible when he is sick.

 I would change the way you handle money.  It's not ok for someone to have to "ask" for money for gas.  There should be an allotment every weel/month for each of you for gas and also incidentals.

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:04 PM
2 moms liked this

ohh you don't want me saying what I think. I will behave and keep my mouth shut.

kuntrylady56
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:20 PM
2 moms liked this

I would be telling him hes a big boy and he can take care of himself!  And if you're working and making your own money then I'd be damned if I would be asking him for permission to do anything!  Take your money and go out to lunch and whatever he spent on those guns,spend that much money on yourself! 

I never understand woman that have to ask permission to spend money on theirselves or go somewhere with their friends,especially if you're working too. Hes your HUSBAND,not your Daddy or Lord and Master.  You ever heard the saying,"Whats good for the Goose is Good for the Gander!" 

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership based on love and respect for each other. You're not living in the stone age anymore. He needs to respect you and your feelings. And if he dosen't want to do that then you need to find someone who will.  

DesignGirl450
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:38 PM

Sorry, this sounds like a very one sided relationship with a very controlling and self-centered man.  Makes me wonder if you were the one in need of care, how "caring" he would be.  How long have you been married?

Esmrlda
by Esme on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:44 PM

 I would not put up with that treatment and only you know the answer on what you need to do. He sounds very chauvinist and from what I know of you, you dont need a keeper.

nana9106
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. You should not have to ask for gas or to eat lunch. That should be a given

Quoting jabs54:

 I can understand being annoyed at him.  "A certain male" in my family is horrible when he is sick.


 I would change the way you handle money.  It's not ok for someone to have to "ask" for money for gas.  There should be an allotment every weel/month for each of you for gas and also incidentals.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
nuts4scouts
by Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 5:06 PM

Was he like this before his surgery in September?


Maddie24
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:01 PM

That is HORRIBLE!  Men are not known for being good with pain, but it sounds like your husband is terribly self absorbed.  You should never be put down by your spouse.  The fact that you have to ask permission to get gasoline for work and then get ridiculed over it sounds terribly abusive.  I would not put up with it.  I am so sorry, it is not right for a man that is supposed to cherish you to treat you so badly when you are trying to care for him and keep up a work schedule.  I am not sure if this is just because of the illness or if he has always been this way - but either way - you need to have a serious talk with him. 

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Pain can do a lot of strange things to people and he is probably having problems coping with not only it, but the months of colostomy necessity.  If this behavior is new and not his norm I would wait and see if he reverts to his normal self when the healing process is finished.  If this is his norm and he is always so self centered then I would be having a serious discussion with him about how things should and are going to be.  If you are working, I would hold back some of my paycheck so that I would have money for gas and lunches and whatever incidentals I need.  The rest could go in the joint account for bill paying.   It may be that some counseling is in order here.  He is tired of not feeling good and you are just plain tired of doing everything, nurse maiding, pet tending, housework and a job to boot. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)