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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

And stupidity rears its head.... Update**(in blue)

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:56 PM
  • 19 Replies

 As some here may know, my DD has an ex. 

He lives 4 hours away, rarely sees his kids, pays no child support etc... basic deadbeat.... well here in our great state, you get over $20,000 in arrears in cs, they will haul you to jail...  He's at $22,000.   He was contacted by the DA in his county letting him know that he will need to appear in court in 2/1, and to expect to spend 10 months in jail... they figure at $69.00 a day that will get him under a certain amount, and there will be no time off for good behavior...  So, he has decided that he is going to be down here until he has to go to court...  so he can spend time with his kids..  fine right?  ...... ummm no.  he has decided that only after 3 days he's stressed....  He watches the kids at night while she is doing her extern...

Here's where the stupidity kicks in... He tells her that he's decided that he is not going to go to court, because he doesn't feel that he should have to go to jail for money that is just going to go to her.....  WHAT?   She has been providing for 3 children all on her own for the last 3-1/2 years.  No financial help from him whatsoever.  He comes into town saying he's here to stay, wants to be with his kids, only to pick a fight with her 3 days later (this is NOT the first time he has done this) so that he doesn't need to be around, because she will tell him to just go, she really has no time to put up with it.  She kicks herself everytime, thinking maybe this time he will be serious.  My feeling.....  when he doesn't show up to court, they will issue a bench warrant... my dd lives right next to the police station... Imma think Imma gonna call,  just give them a little hint as to where he is (Which is not at my dd house) because when he fails at his parenting duties, I am the one that has to step up to help.  My dd is working full time, and working towards her carreer doing her extern.. I don't want his short comings to screw up her goals.

My dd tried to speak to him yesterday to find out if he was really not going to show up for court... He said NOPE...so my dd told him that he is not to come around her or the kids, if he does, she will be calling the police.  He tried to tell her she had no right to do that... Oh but she does.... he has outstanding warrants as is it on a couple other charges from things that are 5 and 3 years old that he has never taken care of,  Plus the fact that he couldn't piss clean even if he only drank water for an entire month.  And the fact that he says he will "punch all her teeth out"  And that he should "eat a bullet"  (All in front of the kids...)    I told her last night, that if he does come around again,  and she chickens out on the calling, I will be calling...  I'm done with his crap, and it's really affecting the kids. (which some here think that I am not thinking about)  But those kids are the most important, but my dd is also my kid, so she too is important to me, and what this jerk does to her just drives me nuts.  She wants him to be the stand up dad, but he wont... and yeah it was her choice to have kids with this man/child, but when they first started dating etc... he was not at all like this.  He had a job, his license a place to live, a car....  But he started getting in trouble with the law, and now he's just mean and spiteful towards her, and according to him, it's all her fault...he isn't to blame for any of this.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
nana9106
by Darlene on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:32 PM
Pretty dumb of him!! Wow!
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LEK19
by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:45 PM

He'll have a lot of time to think about what he is doing while he is in there. Hoping she stays strong! 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:05 PM

 So after he does  the time does that money get excused or does he still owe her the 22K?   Hes an idiot!

kuntrylady56
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:07 PM

Why does he think he shouldn't have to pay,those children are his responsibility just as much as your daughters.  He deserves to get a day for each dollar,not let him get off with nearly 70.00 a day. I have no sympathy for dead beat Dads or Moms for that matter. 

And its rediculous that they put them in jail to "work" this off. And the state is coughing up money to feed and clothe the a-hole while in jail. Free medical  and the state is putting up the 70.00 a day?  Dosen't seem like a punishement harsh enought to me,unless they're going to be working his ass hard to earn that 70.00 a day.  


Why123
by Nancy on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:09 PM

He's a real winner.

jabs54
by Jeanine on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:37 PM

 

Quoting kuntrylady56:

Why does he think he shouldn't have to pay,those children are his responsibility just as much as your daughters.  He deserves to get a day for each dollar,not let him get off with nearly 70.00 a day. I have no sympathy for dead beat Dads or Moms for that matter. 

And its rediculous that they put them in jail to "work" this off. And the state is coughing up money to feed and clothe the a-hole while in jail. Free medical  and the state is putting up the 70.00 a day?  Dosen't seem like a punishement harsh enought to me,unless they're going to be working his ass hard to earn that 70.00 a day.  

 

 Just what I was thinking.

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by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:15 AM

Um yes,
Please keep us updated on this ;)

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:21 AM

he is an idiot

caro100
by Carol on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:39 AM

Well, lots of guys think that way,Kirk's ex -brother inlaw was saying the same thing about his ex wife( we had to hear about it from my SD.  I told her that we could say the same thing about her mother, but we didn't because she still had to put food on  the table and clothes on child's back.  I then went on to say, but in your case we know that you live with grandpa and grandma and the money really does just go to your Mom and your grandparents support you.  I told her I didn't want to ever hear her talking bad about the ex wife of her uncle, that uncle was trying to be a deadbeat.

Hope he finds a nice"butt buddy" while he's enjoying his time in jail.

Cindy18
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:46 AM

Unfortunately, a lot of "men" think this way. There was one on Dr. Phil saying the same thing. He shouldn't have to pay for her apartment and car. PLEASE, where on earth do you think these kids are going to live!!

I don't know about where the OP lives, but here they charge the inmate per day. It gets billed but they will go after them for it. Not that that helps the moms any.


OP~~ I think your DD and YOU have to just come to terms with the fact that this jerk isn't going to help. PERIOD! She needs to stop letting him come back and "help". She needs to just write him off completely. Yes, I know the kids want their dad around, but really what is it doing to the kids when he comes for 3 days and picks a fight. The kids see all the drama.

If it was me.... I would tell him the next time he comes sniffing around that I didn't need his "help", that I had been just fine on my own and will continue to be fine without his drama.

Quoting kuntrylady56:

Why does he think he shouldn't have to pay,those children are his responsibility just as much as your daughters.  He deserves to get a day for each dollar,not let him get off with nearly 70.00 a day. I have no sympathy for dead beat Dads or Moms for that matter. 

And its rediculous that they put them in jail to "work" this off. And the state is coughing up money to feed and clothe the a-hole while in jail. Free medical  and the state is putting up the 70.00 a day?  Dosen't seem like a punishement harsh enought to me,unless they're going to be working his ass hard to earn that 70.00 a day.  



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