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On and on and on.....

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:14 PM
  • 14 Replies

I don't know why I even try to talk sense into my daughters head.  All that asshole of a so called boyfriend of hers does is set around and make excuses why he can't do this or do that. And gets drunk every damn day!  Maybe not shit faced mean drunk like he was that one day,but every day I see him,hes drunk!  They just came to pick up TJ to spend the night (Bad idea on my part) but Larry and I have an appointment in the morning out of town and can't take him with us. At least he's supposed to be going to help somebody move so he won't be there tonight.  And hes talking nonsense and slurring his words..and she says he's only had a couple beers!!  They can't afford to buy food for their table or pay their rent but somehow he has ways of getting beer?  I wish when hes shop lifting they would catch his ass.

TJ a four year old,even ask his Daddy if he was going to be mean to his Mommy again?  I hate getting in arguments with my daughter over him because to me he isn't worth the trouble.  But I try to put up with him for her,but its getting harder and harder for me to keep my mouth shut.  I'm at the point I'm ready to just unload on him!  But I honestly don't know if it would do any damn good.  But it might make me feel a lot better.lol  

Why is it they think we know nothing about anything? 


by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Maddie24
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:29 PM

 I agree - I don't think my daughter's really listen to me either.  I guess they have a dream in their head and they are determined to keep going down that road hoping it will magically change and appear.  Sometimes what we think is pretty obvious, is not so obvious to your kids.  You are wonderful grandparents to provide for, love and protect your grandchildren.  Not everyone can do that.  I hope you set boundaries that you can live with so you don't just blow-up one day at them at the wrong time.  I know this must be very stressful for you and your husband.  That is not good for your health.  I hope you are able to find that middle ground.  Hugs! 

dinc
by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:45 PM

I feel for you.  My children are grown and don't want to hear what I think.  I hope that someday they will.  YOung adults tend to think they know it all.  Maybe your daughter can't let herself admit that she is making mistakes.  I hope things resolve themselves.  Try not to stress too much.  It can really mess with your health.

hugss
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this

All we can do is keep suggesting,
One day she has to see him for what he really is right?
Might take her longer than you want but she will get it.
In the meantime .. keeping your gs & dd safe is what you want most of all.
Hang in there & tons of hugs to you :)

justme91755
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:15 AM
2 moms liked this

 Kill him with kindness and tell her you think he is the best thing since sliced bread.  She wants him because it upsets you,  I went through this with one of my girls,  everyone kept saying how awful he was and what a loser he was ( he did drugs, did not work and expected my daughter to pay for everything even if she had to work 2 jobs,  He was also physically abusive to her) I started complementing him on something every time I saw him ( not often cause he hated me) and when she would come and complain about him I said I thought he was a wonderful boy, she probably couldn't do better, he had a good family and managed to get by without working so he must be doing something right. He did come from a good family.  She slowly started to see his faults but I just let her complain and did not take sides or suggest she leave.  eventually she did and she told me she thought I was crazy for thinking there was anything good about him.  that's when I told her the truth.  She had " teenage brain" and mom is always wrong sI used reverse psychology on her ( just like when she was 5 and I wanted her to eat her vegetables and told her they were too expensive to feed to children, only adults could have them , couldn't keep them away from her)Half the time when they are choosing these guys they are picking the opposite of what you would like to be defiant and prove they have the right to make the choice.  I wish you luck

nana9106
by Darlene on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

 I agree...keep suggesting. Eventually she will hear you

Quoting hugss:

All we can do is keep suggesting,
One day she has to see him for what he really is right?
Might take her longer than you want but she will get it.
In the meantime .. keeping your gs & dd safe is what you want most of all.
Hang in there & tons of hugs to you :)

 

Bmat
by Barb on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:29 AM

It is frustrating.  I agree with the above replies about treat him very very well and don't say anything against him to her. Let her figure it out.

momma-t42
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:14 PM
1 mom liked this

First I'd like to start by saying how sorry I am that your daughter is dating some loser guy who would rather live a life tainted by alcohol, than enjoy the beautiful child they made together with his wits about him.  Second, I am sorry your daughter is hurting so that she can't see she is far more valuable than the situation she is in and deserves better for her and her son.

What I can say to you is to not take it personal when she doesn't listen to you as it isn't about you....it's about her, and her life, and her choices.  Don't let your voice be the voice that clouds her thinking though.  Be the one that just breaths life into your daughter.  Tell your daughter all the wonderful things you love about HER...about her being a good mom, loving her son, raising him, wanting the best for him.  Those praises will help her believe she is those great things (and she is) and then SHE, on her own will discover her worth.

You have to believe she will get through it.  It may not be in your perfect timing, but believe in the skills you taught her.  

Shellness
by Michell on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:21 PM

 It wouldn't do any good and believe me, your daughter knows and should be ashamed for allowing this to go on in her life.

LEK19
by Platinum Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree. Your daughter needs to realize her own self-worth before she will make that break from him. She gets a lot of negativity from him and it is the life she has become to know. On some level I am sure she is aware of it. Let her know when she shines and on those days it is not so bright notice those little things she is doing right. That does not mean you need to be untruthful about your opinion of her situation. Just don't go overboard. This will make her turn more to him because it is her life, you are her Mom and she feels she needs to deal with her own life choices. She is giving him more chances than he probably deserves but she needs to try. I know it hurts when you watch this all happen. She will realize it some day. 

Quoting momma-t42:

First I'd like to start by saying how sorry I am that your daughter is dating some loser guy who would rather live a life tainted by alcohol, than enjoy the beautiful child they made together with his wits about him.  Second, I am sorry your daughter is hurting so that she can't see she is far more valuable than the situation she is in and deserves better for her and her son.

What I can say to you is to not take it personal when she doesn't listen to you as it isn't about you....it's about her, and her life, and her choices.  Don't let your voice be the voice that clouds her thinking though.  Be the one that just breaths life into your daughter.  Tell your daughter all the wonderful things you love about HER...about her being a good mom, loving her son, raising him, wanting the best for him.  Those praises will help her believe she is those great things (and she is) and then SHE, on her own will discover her worth.

You have to believe she will get through it.  It may not be in your perfect timing, but believe in the skills you taught her.  

 

homeskoolmama
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like he needs someone to unload on him. Why not have dh take him out behind the woodshed! JK don't want dh to go to jail but seriously this kid needs an attitude adjustment.

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