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Daughter in law may be pregnant. Got the information from a third party. How long do I wait before asking son and daughter in law about the rumor?

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:33 PM
  • 24 Replies

My son is 20 and my daughter in law is 19. They already have two kids. My daughter in law works for Walmart and at the same store my sister and brother in law work at. However they are in different departments and on different shifts. My sister texted me last night and asked me if I knew that my daughter in law was pregnant. I told her no. Apparently my sister heard this information from someone who works in the store, possibly one of my daughter in law's co workers in her department. We (my husband and I nor my sister) have not been told this information directly by the kids. I don't have any information such as when this possible pregnancy was announced to her co workers or when she might be due. Nor do I know if her parents know. It really angers me that they didn't tell us first before telling her co workers especially when my sister, his aunt, works at Walmart. Surely they would realize that everyone knows that daughter in law's "aunt" works at the same store and that information would probably get back to her.

This will be their third child if she actually is pregnant. She is the only one working and is only working part time. They need another child like they need a hole in their heads. They can't even afford diapers and formula right now for two kids. How are they going to afford three kids in diapers? AND allegedly my son is even having an affair with his best friend's wife (they are separated) and my daughter in law knows about it. At this point I don't see daughter in law leaving our son because she barely takes care of the kids as it is. She sure wouldn't take care of them on her own. Our son does much more parenting than she does. (She learned this from her mother who my son once told me said, "I got pregnant so I didn't have to do any work." They were cleaning or something at her parent's house at the time and her mother was pregnant with her youngest who is only four months older than our oldest grandson.)

I told my sister that if they don't get their crap straight soon they won't be raising any of those kids. I won't get into the details but they have been hotlined at least three times in the past two years for neglect.

How long should I wait before I ask them about it or should I say anything at all? Should I ask her mother if she has heard anything about it? My husband would probably say wait but what if they forget to tell us or they think they did already (even though we actually do but shouldn't have gotten the information the way we did)?

One thing I forgot to mention was that they were staying with us for a couple of months after they had a fire in the house they were renting. I found a receipt from somewhere on the floor in the living room and it was for a pregnancy test. My husband finally asked them and they said that the test was negative. That was a couple of months ago.


ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

We just saw them this evening and they said nothing. They wanted a little time alone so we watched the kids.

The grandsons are 2 1/2 and 7 months. They were 17 and not even Seniors in high school yet when the oldest was born.

Someone didn't know what hotlined means. Just to clarify... That means someone has called Child Services saying you are abusing or neglecting your child. In one example, my son and daughter in law were doing some young parent mentoring and would constantly bring the oldest one in in dirty clothes. They thought it was okay to just leave him in the same thing all day (and even multiple days) even though he dropped all kinds of food on it. We had reminded them multiple times that they needed to change his clothes if they are dirty. It doesn't matter whether you just put him in the outfit or not. Oh and they were always dressing him inappropriate for the weather too. Most of the time he had no shoes or socks on. Which I had told them they needed to do from the day the first child was born. It's funny how the exact same things Mom and Dad and the mentoring staff were telling them that they needed to correct didn't sink in until a state child services worker told them the same darn thing.

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lovemyshadows
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:57 PM
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I'd wait for another week or so.  It could just be a rumor.  If they don't say any thing just tell them that Aunt heard a rumor and you'd like to know if it's true.  I'd be calm and not get upset.

Bmat
by Barb on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:00 AM

If you can casually, nothing special, call or email or invite them for a meal- something that you would do anyway, then you might be able to find out the information without asking. Otherwise don't say anything unless you really really want to know. If so, then keep it light and say that you'd heard this and was curious.

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:08 AM
4 moms liked this

As long as you are not supporting them, or raising the children, what difference does it make if you know first, last or not at all?  And short of paying for your son & his wife to get their tubes tied, what EXACTLY would you do to remedy the situation?  

atlmom2
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:21 AM
Given their ages, I would ask. What are they thinking? How old were they with the other 2? Do they know what BC is? Neglect charges? Why do kids think they can raise kids?
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by Hugs on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:28 AM

I would wait a bit in hopes if it is true that they would tell you,
Not sure what *hotlined* means ::blush::
Good luck & let us know what happens :)

Shellness
by Michell on Jan. 29, 2013 at 4:10 AM

 rather than sit and worry about it I would be honest and tell them about the rumor I heard and ask them if it was true!

DieselsMom
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 4:20 AM

Just ask.....why make a big thing out of it? Maybe they aren't telling you because they already know how you will feel?

Cindy18
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:19 AM
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I think you need to keep your nose out of it. They don't live with you do they?


nana9106
by Darlene on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:37 AM
Wait until they come to you...they will have to give up that info eventually
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by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:10 AM

I would just ask them! Tell them your Aunt heard some store gossip and you want to know if it is true.

I hope any intervention works with them. Parenting can be difficult for some young parents. 

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