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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

I need to know what works best for you....piog

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:36 PM
  • 8 Replies

 I babysit my 3 grandkids in the evenings.  6, 5 and 3.  the 6y/o is fine.. he'll pretty much do anything I ask him to do without a whole lot of problems.  My issues are with the GD whos 5 and the way she is affecting her younger brother (the 3 y/o). 

I have done the time outs over and over again, to no avail.  She gets out of the time out, and goes right back to the negative behavior.  She tells (screams) that she hates me, and anytime I ask her to do something, the response is "NO" or "Never!"  

It's been a while since my kids were raised, and yeah we had our moments, but we were always able to get around them.  This however is throwing me for a loop.  and is making her little brother a brat......

any suggestions?

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:36 PM
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Replies (1-8):
mac1940
by Mary Ann on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:23 PM
2 moms liked this

Are these the children of your daughter that is experiencing the problems with her husband?  If so, I would guess that all the turmoil there may be the underlying culprit.  And sometimes just being the middle child adds to misbehavior.  And finding the right answer is going to take time and probably a lot of patience.  I would start by trying to create some sort of special bond with her, paying special attention to her in a positive way like a special grandmother/grandchild story time, baking cookies time or whatever.  Maybe just 15 minutes of you and her and some little talks about how special she is and what and how big sisters should treat little brothers.

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:42 PM

Cafe Mom is great to ask stuff like this.  As for me, I am short on patience and deal with my DGD with direct honesty and very firmly - perhaps a little smoke coming out my ears too.    I think the 'special time'  suggested by Mary Ann is a better place to start!  I remember as a mom trying different things to get their behaviour in line.  I guess now that we are grandparents we will have to go through this again with our grandchildren!  Good luck.

jabs54
by Jeanine on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:22 PM

 Yikes!  Does she resent her mom working at night?  Seems kind of "over the top" behavior to me.

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:27 PM

She sounds really angry to me. Is there something else going on at home? I wonder if she's not getting any one on one time with mom.

nybor48
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:55 PM

 Yeah, I felt the same way.  I know that it's hard for her mom to do one on one with two other kids, but she does try...  and my dh and i take one kid on friday night and one on saturday.  We rotate between the three. 

We did the whole time out thing again tonite about 3 times.  Right now however she is in her bed and has not come out....lol either her fit throwing tonite has tuckered her out, or my telling her that she will have to do time out again tomorrow if she gets up like normal...

Quoting JenniferW67:

She sounds really angry to me. Is there something else going on at home? I wonder if she's not getting any one on one time with mom.

 

nybor48
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:00 AM

 yes... same ones.  I try to be patient with her because I know that she's "daddys princess", and he hasn't been around for about 2-1/2 weeks.  And since now that he HAS to find a job, I don't see him coming around any time soon... 

Quoting mac1940:

Are these the children of your daughter that is experiencing the problems with her husband?  If so, I would guess that all the turmoil there may be the underlying culprit.  And sometimes just being the middle child adds to misbehavior.  And finding the right answer is going to take time and probably a lot of patience.  I would start by trying to create some sort of special bond with her, paying special attention to her in a positive way like a special grandmother/grandchild story time, baking cookies time or whatever.  Maybe just 15 minutes of you and her and some little talks about how special she is and what and how big sisters should treat little brothers.

 

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by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:06 AM

I love this idea .. think it would help/work ?

Quoting mac1940:

Are these the children of your daughter that is experiencing the problems with her husband?  If so, I would guess that all the turmoil there may be the underlying culprit.  And sometimes just being the middle child adds to misbehavior.  And finding the right answer is going to take time and probably a lot of patience.  I would start by trying to create some sort of special bond with her, paying special attention to her in a positive way like a special grandmother/grandchild story time, baking cookies time or whatever.  Maybe just 15 minutes of you and her and some little talks about how special she is and what and how big sisters should treat little brothers.


LEK19
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Notice and comment on the good things she does. Be sincere. Kids can tell when you're not.

Time outs the way you are doing them evidently are not working and you need to find another way to use them or discipline.

She may be angry or acting out because of her home life. Who knows what she is thinking but many kids think it is their fault there is trouble at home. "Dad doesn't love me anymore." She may just be testing to see if everyone else still does. It is not a conscious thing on her part.

Ignore what you can, focusing on the good behavior. You still need to be firm about her behavior and her brother's if it is unacceptable. Give her ways and chances to calm down - deep breath is one I liked to use and worked with my kids. Once she is calmed down then talk to her. You can't when she is in a rage. Be honest. Tell her you do not like it. Remind her that you love her.

Hopefully this anger stage will pass. It may take some time. She is looking to you for guidance when she falls apart and is trusting that you will be there for her.

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