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Bad Mom!

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:31 PM
  • 18 Replies

I'm 61 yrs old, have two daughters and four granddaughters. My younger daughter has three of the four and has just informed me she is pregnant with another. I do not feel very happy about it at all and she is upset with me but I feel that she keeps making her life harder and harder and depending on me to help her out, she lives quite a ways from me and it is hard to get there all the time but she has no one else to turn to for help, her hubby works alot, and I feel like it is getting too much for me. I feel like the worst Mother and Grandmother of all time!!

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:31 PM
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by Louann on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:39 PM
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I'm sure you're not a bad mom and grandmother.  If she wants to have children that's fine but she should know it's hard work and HER responsibility.  Not yours.  I try to help with my grandkids too but to tell you the truth I do it when I want to.  I'm not going to be pushed into doing something I don't want to do, ya know?  I love them but they're not mine.  I've already been there and done that!  LOL 

by Jeanine on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:39 PM
1 mom liked this

 I hate that you feel like you have to help your dd raise her children.  I think people shouldn't have kids if they can't raise them themselves.  Your not a bad mom for not being happy!

by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:25 PM
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It is hard when they rely on you for help.  Your DD has a DH.  Not your responsibility.  Please do not let them put a guilt trip on you.  My DD had her daughter when she was 19.  They lived with me most of the last 8 years.  I love my girls better than anything and I am crazy about my DGD, BUT there is a limit on what I can do.  I honestly remember my DD saying that she was offended that 'I called it babysitting - that I should be honored to have the opportunity to take care of my DGD'.  Really.  HA!  Well, I do not think our dear children will ever understand age limitations until they get here.  Just love them and learn to say No thanks.  She will get over it.

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by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:10 AM
1 mom liked this

You are not a bad Mom/Grandma,
Those that have kids should be able to care for them without *us* but grateful if we can help.

Hugs to you & hope it all works itself out .. talk to her :)

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:14 AM
2 moms liked this

aw dont feel like this! she is a grown up and has her own life it is not your responsibity i know it is way easier said than done. but you cannot be so hard on yourself because you cannot keep up with all the deisions your daughter is making. you raised your children it is her turn now.

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:13 AM

 She is the one having those children. It is not your responsibility to be care giver. It's nice to help out when needed but in no way is it your problem that she has no help. If she lives far away that is also her problem if she always thinks good ol mom will drop her life and hustle over. It's your time now. Have fun with your grandkids and help when you can, but don't break your neck doing it. Do not feel obligated that you should always be the one to help out. How old are her kids?

by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:09 AM

No you are not a bad mom. It's hard to see your kids making things harder than they have to be.

Does she expect you to help or do you feel like you have to? Is she married or in a committed relationship?

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:20 AM
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Please don't feel guilty about saying no sometimes. 

When I had my kids (2 sons) and my sister had her 2 kids (also 2 sons) close to mine, my mother told both of us she was not their babysitter, or our nanny.  She was a grandma and would do only "Grandma - fun" things with her grandsons.  I was not happy with that decision, but it actually turned out really well.  She did not involve herself in how we were raising our sons UNLESS we asked for her opinion. 

My sister and I found ways to help each other and we survived! 

My brother & his wife have 4 kids and did ask my mom a lot for help.  She told them the same thing.  However, they knew that she would come visit them about twice a year for a 2 week period and she would help as much as possible at that time. 

So you should give your daughter specific times you are willing to help out, but that you are not on-call for her every need.

by Susie on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:26 AM
She has the kids. Don't help. You are enabling. This is happening too much now. The govt does it. Parents do it.
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:51 AM

 Don't feel bad... My dd has her 3 and my ds has 1...  by the end of the week, I am one tired grandma. (I watch all 4 3 nights a week, and just 3 on the other 2 nights.  It's hard, and there are days when I just want to run away.  Plus it's only going to be for another few weeks, but it's been going on for almost a year now.  If my dd has a SO I wouldnt be doing it at all..  he would be (but that's another long story)

I understand though.  you want to help because she is your dd. And we would do anything for our kids.  And our kids can sure lay on the guilt trip can't they?  She will understand, it may take a bit, but she will understand.  Good luck, don't beat yourself up over it.

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