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DJ-mother with difficult adult married daughter(she is 21)

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:02 PM
  • 24 Replies

Hello all,

i am DJ, been dealing with a daughter that treats me like a means to an end. She is off living her life but still finds ways to be hurtful. 

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
marchantmom06
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Stop putting up with her. Ignore her calls, text, emails, Facebook messages. In a few months of her asking why you won't talk to her, then explain in detail how she makes you feel and that you will no longer tolerate her behavior.
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sabrtooth1
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:21 PM

Well, how did she get that way? 

hugss
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by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:11 AM

Welcome to the group,
Sorry you have to deal with this.
Maybe less communication with her would help.
Or sit down & have a heart to heart with her!
You don't have to put up with it.
Is she living with you ?
Good luck hon & let us know how it goes :)

Mxblond
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:53 AM
Im not sure how she got this way. I spent 20 years in the military and always demanded she show respect. When she turned 18 she began to assert that i cant tell her what to do anymore
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Cindy18
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 6:18 AM

Well, at 18, you can't tell her what to do anymore. BUT you don't have to put up with her hurting you.

I would cut her out of your life until she can act like an adult. "Cut her out" is a harsh.... if she starts to be disrespectful then you can say "Until you can talk to me like an adult talks to another adult then I am ending this phone call" or something that isn't so harsh.

Quoting Mxblond:

Im not sure how she got this way. I spent 20 years in the military and always demanded she show respect. When she turned 18 she began to assert that i cant tell her what to do anymore


suzeebloch
by Ronna on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:43 AM

Yes, your daughter is correct; however, on the flip side, your legal responsibiity to her also ended when she turned 18. 

I would like a little more info about how you went about demanding she show respect ... and what you mean when you say she is being "hurtful."   IMO something, getting something that is demanded is less rewarding than something that is given freely ... just my 2ยข

 

Quoting Mxblond:

Im not sure how she got this way. I spent 20 years in the military and always demanded she show respect. When she turned 18 she began to assert that i cant tell her what to do anymore



Mxblond
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:01 AM
When i say demanded respect, i mean i taught her to say please and thank you, yes sir, no sir, yes ma'am no ma'am, common courtesy and respect. As a member of the family you clean up after yourself, dont create work for others, and return what you borrow after first asking to use it...etc. apparently all that went out the window when she turned 18, because when i would reference having common courtesy and respect she would say respect is earned not given...What?!?!? She would say i was treating her like a child by expecting her to clean up after herself and to help out around the house. I mean she worked part time, i gave her a car, i was paying for college, and paid for the wedding...yet i have a 4 page letter where she claims that i should have done more and since she is my only daughter money should have been no object... I cut off the college funding and all contact. It is hard, she is pregnant now and i know she will use manipulation in order for me to see my grandchild...
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LEK19
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:54 AM

In my opinion, respect is earned not demanded. Having guidelines and rules for behavior is another thing, especially if they make sense to all involved. If she is at home then you both need to review house rules. You need to be firm about how you want to be treated as the Mom and as an adult. All kids go through a rebellious period in one form or another. Maybe she is just starting hers and this is how it is going to go. Choose your battles but stand firm with basic expectations of her behavior. One should be learning to pull her own weight and another is, yes, to live her own life. 

busygramma4
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:39 AM

Hi DJ welcome to the group! Sorry you're goinf through this. Maybe a little less contact would be good at this point and when she has this little one, she may see she needs mom a little more than she realized.


                                                                     

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Your daughter treats you that way because you allow it.
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