Give advice to your adult kids.. you can see where they may need it, or may be "over looking something" and might make a mistake.. but where do we stop or do we ever stop? We are their mom.
My oldest daughter is unfortunately going thru a divorce, one that, had she listened to my advice, she wouldn't be going thru now(but that has made her a stronger person) She herself told me, if she has listened to my advice to wait on marrying, until after she graduated college, she would have seen this wasn't a man she would have picked for a husband and father for her kids(they met,dated & married in 2 months) tho I didn't like I, I still supported her.
Now thru her divorce process, I'm trying to offer her suggestions, when she brings things up, I've been divorced ( twice) I also have step children. I've mentioned to her, be very careful, once those papers are filed, she is stuck with them until her youngest daughter is 18. The STBX all of a sudden is being sooo nice, he wants to pay for everything, as long as they do the paperwork together ( HELLO RED FLAG!) NO LAWYERS, (HELLO RED FLAG) When she met this guy he was over $8,000.oo in arrears in Child support, and he all ready had 2 ex wives, she found out about the 3rd one the day they went to get their marriage license, again I mentioned maybe just waiting a little longer until she gets to know this guy better, as he hasn't told her all of his "stuff" yet. He has 3 kids, (now 5 as they have 2)
He tricked his 2nd ex wive into no child support last yr when his son wanted to come live with "them" and had the lawyer put in as long as each parent had 1 child , no child support should be paid, he makes 3 times what she does.(she of course was also to blame for not reading the papers.
I have mentioned to have his child support put on wage deduction, considering where he was with his child support when she met him,(she said well they are on speaking terms, so she is going to let him pay it with out wage deduction) He tried to sneak getting custody of the girls in the papers, and he refuses to change diapers! They went to a paralegal and sat down and worked out things, (none of their bills from when they were living together were worked in this divorce,YES I told her they are to be split as he was there , and he ran up credit cards too etc) HE lied to the mortgagee, and left her with the mortgage 3 months behind, (the man is holding the mortgage and knew my moms phone number and called her, as he didn't have my daughters # & the STBX stopped calling him and wouldn' take the mans calls!) Thankfully he is willing to work with my daughter on this as she had no clue!(again, I said that needs to be put in the paper work for him to pay half of that debit)
They owe my parent several thousands of dollars for credit cards my parents let them use for house repairs, and my dd to put her college stuff on, (I told her that needed to be put in the papers) NONE of this stuff was. HE isn't even paying child support because they didn't use a lawyer, so no temporary hearing to get it started! They just filed the papers and wait for a court date to get divorced! YES I told her she needs to file for an emergency hearing to get the child support started!
I told her NOT to sign anything with out having an atty at least look over the stuff, most atty do free consultations! (deaf ears)
She is going to regret this, she all ready is, as he isn't paying the child support. She has no proof, because there is no court order for it. Just a date for when the filed the papers. NOW that HE has what he wanted, he is being a jack wagon, nasty mean, and half the time doesn't even pick up the girls, or will call the in the middle of the week drunk!
His GF has 3 kids, she doesn't have custody of, I'd be looking for her ex and seeing why! IF STBX takes the girls on his time, there is a total of 6 sometimes 7 kids in that home 3 bedrooms and 3 adults live there. The kids ages ranges are 2- 2 yr olds 3 yr old 5 yr old(once in a while a 12 yr) 13 yr 14 yr. I'm worried sick for my grand daughters, how does a father pay attention to and care for those babies with that in the house plus impress his new chick of the month?
Now I know my daughter has a good head on her shoulders (most of the time) but going thru a divorce is rough, and stressful.. I believe in court she is going to have the judge slap a wage deduction on his child support, he also works under the table she of course can't prove. Thankfully she has a good job. Right now she is skimmin by. I'm trying to be supportive, give advice when she seems receptive, but not pushy.