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My old high school friends DD27 died.

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 She called me last Thursday to let me know. I have know Lilly since 10th grade and we have kept in contact throughout the years. (33 years)  Her DD27 died on the 5th of March due to Sepsis.  She had Cystic Fibrosis and was in intensive care. 

  Lilly invited me to her DD's memorial on Thursday.  She said it was going to be a potluck to bring something if I want but if I cant thats okay too.  Im going to take a green salad since I have to drive 2 hours to get there. She says they will be celebrating her Dd's life. HerDD was cremated, not sure if they will be spreading her ashes that day but I am assuming they will be.

I have never been through this before. I have never had a friend who lost someone like this, I have really never lost anyone that I was close to except my grandpa, grandpa.    Is there something I need to do for her?  Something extra special, a card, flowers?  Or do you think just being there for the memorial will be enough to show my love and support? 

sad 

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:26 PM
Replies (31-39):
rosebud727
by Rose on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:38 AM

Sneaky? Naw. Actually a good friend's father passed away a few months ago. He's elder and for me it's really just a given to bring food that the family can have later on down the road.

I'm really far away so I ordered a dinner from the Honey Baked Ham website. My girlfriends family is big and they loved this, having something they could put away but all they had to do was thaw and reheat later.

Quoting Esmrlda:

Nice sneaky touch Rose. It's at a park at the beach in Cambria.

Quoting rosebud727:

Going to the memorial is a wonderful way of saying I care. I always (this is just me though) bring a card and something to stuff in the freezer if you happen to be going to the house. If not, the card is enough.

I'm really sorry for your loss.


cherylam
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:09 PM

I am so sorry for her loss... yes, a card would be nice.  Another thing that I learned when I lost my loved ones... call her every few days, and don't stop for the first 6-8 months.  Mourners peel off like fighter jets returning to base and your friend will feel very alone within  a couple months.  It's like she's radioactive.  She needs to know people still care, and ask her how she's eating, sleeping, etc.  Don't be afraid to be nosy.  My former in-laws dropped me like a hot potato when DH died.  My cousins came over, started asking pointed questions after a couple months, and I finally broke down and wept like a child.  That's when the true healing of grief started.  This something she will never 'get over', she will have to learn to live with grief, and it's a hard, long journey.

LEK19
by Platinum Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:53 PM

It is always so difficult to lose someone so young.  So many good suggestions I really don't know what else to add. 

Be there. Ask if there is a way to help. Check in with her in the future. 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:01 PM

 Thats a great idea. Thats a very good company.

Oh somehow I got the impression you snuck something in the freezer for later without them knowing.  Duh, dont ask. LOL

Quoting rosebud727:

Sneaky? Naw. Actually a good friend's father passed away a few months ago. He's elder and for me it's really just a given to bring food that the family can have later on down the road.

I'm really far away so I ordered a dinner from the Honey Baked Ham website. My girlfriends family is big and they loved this, having something they could put away but all they had to do was thaw and reheat later.

Quoting Esmrlda:

Nice sneaky touch Rose. It's at a park at the beach in Cambria.

Quoting rosebud727:

Going to the memorial is a wonderful way of saying I care. I always (this is just me though) bring a card and something to stuff in the freezer if you happen to be going to the house. If not, the card is enough.

I'm really sorry for your loss.


 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:08 PM

 Thank you for your advice, Im so sorry for the loss of your dh and Im sorry that his family dropped you like a hot potato. You must of felt so alone, that was so inconsiderate of them considering you are family.

 Im a little worried about my friend.  She is a recovering alchoholic so it is important that she not touch that bottle and I think something like this may push her over the edge.  I think Im going to call her today and check in on her. Thank you so much.

Quoting cherylam:

I am so sorry for her loss... yes, a card would be nice.  Another thing that I learned when I lost my loved ones... call her every few days, and don't stop for the first 6-8 months.  Mourners peel off like fighter jets returning to base and your friend will feel very alone within  a couple months.  It's like she's radioactive.  She needs to know people still care, and ask her how she's eating, sleeping, etc.  Don't be afraid to be nosy.  My former in-laws dropped me like a hot potato when DH died.  My cousins came over, started asking pointed questions after a couple months, and I finally broke down and wept like a child.  That's when the true healing of grief started.  This something she will never 'get over', she will have to learn to live with grief, and it's a hard, long journey.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:09 PM

 Yes, she mentioned coming up to visit and meeting my husband, they have never met. Plans just didnt work out in the past and seeing our new house.  That could be a good getaway for her.

Quoting LEK19:

It is always so difficult to lose someone so young.  So many good suggestions I really don't know what else to add. 

Be there. Ask if there is a way to help. Check in with her in the future. 

 

kuntrylady56
by Gold Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

So sorry to hear of your friends loss. Its really hard when you loose a child no matter what the cause. All the ladies have given wonderful and thoughtful advice. Like they say the best and most appreciative will you being there now and later. 

When one of my best friends lost her beloved grandmother after a long illness I just let her talk,cry and share her memories. I was lucky enough to of gotten close to the sweet lady myself so we had some memories we could share. And made sure I had plenty of tissues. :)

Try to stay in contact with her and maybe go see her if you can,maybe getting her out to do things and get her mind off of what shes going through for just a little bit. But she'll want to talk of her daughter and thats normal.Just let her.

((((HUGS))) 

caro100
by Carol on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I think being there for her would be enough, however... since it is a celebration of DD life, it would mean alot to this Mom if you could come up with a story or two about her DD and how her dd affected you and what you liked about her, or something funny she did that made you smile.

rosebud727
by Rose on Mar. 19, 2013 at 4:08 PM

I wasn't sure where you were going with the comment but I knew it was meant in a positive way, lol.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 Thats a great idea. Thats a very good company.

Oh somehow I got the impression you snuck something in the freezer for later without them knowing.  Duh, dont ask. LOL

Quoting rosebud727:

Sneaky? Naw. Actually a good friend's father passed away a few months ago. He's elder and for me it's really just a given to bring food that the family can have later on down the road.

I'm really far away so I ordered a dinner from the Honey Baked Ham website. My girlfriends family is big and they loved this, having something they could put away but all they had to do was thaw and reheat later.

Quoting Esmrlda:

Nice sneaky touch Rose. It's at a park at the beach in Cambria.

Quoting rosebud727:

Going to the memorial is a wonderful way of saying I care. I always (this is just me though) bring a card and something to stuff in the freezer if you happen to be going to the house. If not, the card is enough.

I'm really sorry for your loss.


 


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