I would love some advice on how to be supportive and yet keep some distance for my own sanity re:my daughter's (experimental?) stage+++
Is a freshman in college and has become a vegan, came out to a few people, me include as bi, broke up with her really nice bf of almost 2 yrs. (first bf she slept with), joined an online dating site and met up with a girl she met on there. She is very bright academically.
She has had nonstop romantic relationships all through high school. She has never been single for more than 2 weeks if that. Each breakup involved much sadness and some self loathing. She want to therapy for a while, but has since told me it doesn't really help. After this last breakup said she was lonely, sighed and also said "I guess I will have to deal with things on my own."
I don't really care if she's gay, straight, bi or whatever (might have to do some soul searching if she wanted to change genders), just expressed we want her to be successful, and get a good education (she needs to work to make this happen as we are of modest means) and have always said that her sex life is her own and is private. We don't let any bfs of gfs hang out here alone or encourage a lot of pdas within our home. No bf/gf sleepovers.
((We have a 14 yr old son as well. He is an all around different kid...plays in the band (jazz as well), plays amazing baseball, is funny, extremely bright and likeable, and negative things roll off his back. He has had a few very casual gfs for a couple months, but from what we can see, doesn't go for the drama. )) He doesn't let it bother him if a girl isn't interested in him, nd has no problem breaking it off if he feels he and a girl have nothing in common. Refreshing to us and in sharp contrast to our daughter!!
At this point, I find myself wanting to draw away from discussing dd's romantic relationships because I feel tapped out and exhausted at the mere thought of having to entertain one more love interest here at our house. I cannot count the times I have had boyfriends over for dinner, bbqs, for swimming, movie nights, game nights, taken them to movies, mall, park, hiking, for ice cream...you get the picture. I did it with the enthusiasm (mostly) of a parent that wants to stay involved and help establish boundaries for healthy relationships.
Perhaps where she is now will also change and next year she will be dating men and eating everything...?? We have been going with "the flow" all along.
She is 18 now and will have her own car to commute next year, and to go out when and where she wants, as long as she works, pays car insurance and her for own fun stuff, and keeps her grades up. Is it unreasonable of me to discourage meeting and perhaps entertaining love interests (male or female) at this point without seeming as if I am unsupportive? I love her, but have my own concerns, about meeting people online, and taking a "dating break" which I lightly voiced ever so delicately...but she said "I keep hearing you say 'my thought is'..." OK, then let's not discuss!
Time to keep "my thoughts" to myself....?
I would love to hear your thoughts!