Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Did I blow it with my son?

Posted by on May. 5, 2013 at 2:58 AM
  • 37 Replies

Hi.     I'm new here but also can't believe I'm up at 2:53AM.     My 25 year-old son still lives at home because his school work has taken longer to complete than expected.    Kinda long story.    Anyway, he left home to help a friend at 2PM and just got home about 40 minutes ago.    I woke up and realized I hadn't heard him come home and then started worrying.     When he did come home and I was watching TV he asked if I didn't feel well.    I told him no, that wasn't why I was up.    I said "It's 2AM and you weren't home and I worry.     You've been gone since 2PM and I worry about you when you aren't home.    But you're here now, go on to bed".    He didn't say anything else but just went on to his room.      Am I wrong in worrying?     Should I have just kept my mouth shut.    He doesn't take drugs that we are aware of, drinks moderately but I just absolutely hate it when he is out so late/early.     Have I put a barrier in our relationship by saying that to him?

by on May. 5, 2013 at 2:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
EireLass
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2013 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this

No. Common courtesy. My kids knew I was not a good sleeper. Once they were over 18, I loosed the reigns, but told them, out of fairness to me, to text or call if they WEREN'T coming home, so I'd know I could just sleep. And they had to do it by 10pm.

Cindy18
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2013 at 8:43 AM

Not at all. It's your house and he should be living by your rules. My rules are if you aren't going to be home by 10pm, then you have to call and let me know what's going on so I don't worry. If you can't be home by midnight, then you need to stay at a friend's house. You don't need to be coming in that late, making all the dogs bark and waking up the whole house. 

It's not fair to me to be up worrying about you all night when I have to get up and work in the morning. 

geezmom
by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:47 AM

Thanks EireLess.     That's the way I have felt.    He is not really good about communicating about several things -- even whether he is coming home for dinner or studying at school.    I have mentioned this to his father that he lacks common courtesy and that I somewhat feel it is disrespectful.      No confirmation from the hubby either that he supports my opinion or doesn't.     I have talked about not communicating with him when we aren't going to be home, if we have different plans, etc. just to let my son know how this feels.     My husband does speak up then and say that doing the same behavior doesn't necessarily teach him a lesson but reinforces what he is already doing which is a possibility.    If I hear him say today that he is tired I think I may go berserk.   He has a final at 10:15 tomorrow and he has not studied for it at all yet he was out until 1AM on Thursday night, midnight on Friday night and 2AM last night.      I just don't understand.

Anyway, thanks for your input.

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 5, 2013 at 8:49 AM
You need to stop worrying about a 25 yo. He should be on his own and you wouldn't know what he is doing. Parents of college kids don't wonder every night what time they are getting home at school. Can't live that way. I was at home till 23. My parents did not stay up till I got home, sometimes 2am. I was an adult and they knew that.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
geezmom
by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:52 AM

Cindy:

Thanks for your reply also.    It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.      I know he is going to say he's a big boy, which he is, but also bad things seem to happen in the early morning hours which may not be your fault but some other person out on the road.      But I know he won't see it that way.      I guess there may either be alot of silence between us today or some interest dialogue.      Thanks agian.

 

 

ms-superwoman
by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:58 AM

I think you're fine. Your house, your rules.

But I do think you should make him find his own place. he's 25... time to grow up.

Come join us!

  Butt 'N Gut


geezmom
by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:59 AM

Altmom2:

I realize he is an adult but he is living in my home.     Therefore, I think we deserve some respect and communication.     I know if he were living at college I woudn't know what he is doing but that isn't the case.    We do know what he is doing and just a small text "hey I know I'm going to be home late -- probably 2Am or later " -- is just a comfort.      He has had two friends die in tragic accidents and was in the emergency room one time at 3AM.     It wasn't until we checked on him that we knew that he was in the emergency room.     His two friends didn't know about their child until they got a call from the police.      I would prefer not having to go through that.    Just a little communicaiton would go a long way.  

geezmom
by on May. 5, 2013 at 9:02 AM

ms-supermom:

perhaps you missed my statement that he is still in college.      b/c we live in the town he originally said we shouldn't have to pay for dorm or apartment and honestly most of his close friends lived at home while in college.    some have recently graduated, gotten married and finally moved out.     he has this summer and then one final semester in the fall.     

jabs54
by Jeanine on May. 5, 2013 at 9:34 AM

 Maybe knowing he worried you he will be more considerate and let you know when he won't get home until the wee hours of the morning.

Bmat
by Barb on May. 5, 2013 at 10:06 AM

Welcome to the group!

I had something similar happen. My son came in at 3AM and was surprised to see me still up. I said I worried when he didn't come home when expected and I didn't hear from him. After that he called if he was going to be late. My son was younger- I'd say maybe 17-18.  For a 25 year old, he is an adult, but if the rules of the house are that he calls if he is going to be late, then he should do this.  It is just courtesy if nothing else. I don't think you were out of line in what you said. Maybe I'd say to him that if he'd just let you know that you wouldn't worry.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)