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Did I blow it with my son?

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Hi.     I'm new here but also can't believe I'm up at 2:53AM.     My 25 year-old son still lives at home because his school work has taken longer to complete than expected.    Kinda long story.    Anyway, he left home to help a friend at 2PM and just got home about 40 minutes ago.    I woke up and realized I hadn't heard him come home and then started worrying.     When he did come home and I was watching TV he asked if I didn't feel well.    I told him no, that wasn't why I was up.    I said "It's 2AM and you weren't home and I worry.     You've been gone since 2PM and I worry about you when you aren't home.    But you're here now, go on to bed".    He didn't say anything else but just went on to his room.      Am I wrong in worrying?     Should I have just kept my mouth shut.    He doesn't take drugs that we are aware of, drinks moderately but I just absolutely hate it when he is out so late/early.     Have I put a barrier in our relationship by saying that to him?

by on May. 5, 2013 at 2:58 AM
Replies (31-37):
by on May. 6, 2013 at 11:58 AM
you are not wrong to worry, your son should have been more considerate and called when he realized he would be gone so long.
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2013 at 5:30 PM

No,nothing hurt,Stand your ground,He needs to call if he is going to be late/come in at all.

by on May. 6, 2013 at 6:40 PM

You didn't blow it at all,
We always worry about them  ..
Common courtesy he should let you know :)

by on May. 7, 2013 at 4:40 AM

My son is 37,he is a struggling filmaker.I understand how you feel.I have found if you find a way to talk to him in a non threating way you can find out whats going on with him.Instead of questions except this one What kind of night did you have?show him that you are listening.You would be surprised how much stuff they will tell you.Good Luck.PS you are not wrong in the way you feel.

by on May. 7, 2013 at 7:20 PM

How are things going now?

by on May. 7, 2013 at 8:38 PM

Ok.     I talked wtih him on Sunday and told him that I was sorry for the tone in my voice when I he came home but I did not apologize for worrying.     My husband and I have talked some and we are going to have a further conversation with him about being more courteous now that his exams and school is finished.    We are going to try and work out something that works for us but also does not make him feel boxed in -- i.e., just texting us to say he would be home late even if it is just being home late for dinner.      And we are going to try and approach it from a standpoint of how he should handle this for future relationships, work, all of his life.    Thanks for asking.

by on May. 7, 2013 at 8:48 PM

nope, its common courtesy.  A little background about me... my son lived at home while I was taking care of my chronically ill husband and parents.  He was literally my right arm... lifting DH onto the toilet and getting him back to bed, helping with laundry, helping with farm chores, etc.  When they alll died, I told him he needed to get a life... he, instead, got a WIFE. I'm so glad, because he needs to have his own woman in his life.  I moved out when I remarried, and he now lives in the house I own.

I really wantedd my kids to live close or with me... not because I wanted to control them, but because, over the years, they have become friends as well as my children. Very recently I realised that it would not be possible, especially for my daughter.  So I am hoping she can find a place relatively close, so I can at least see the grandkids.

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