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Feeling Sad and Drained

Posted by on May. 9, 2013 at 6:21 PM
  • 49 Replies

Cassidy is in her room crying right now.   She is leaving for her au pair job in northern Italy tomorrow.  At the beginning of September she has taken a similar position in England, she says for at least a year.   

As she is going, and won't be here for Mother's Day, the three of us had planned to go out for dinner tonight.  Last night,  she was at a going away party at her best friend's house, and came  home just before 3:00 AM.   She told me that after our dinner tonight, she wants to go and spend time with her friend AGAIN.   

As this is the last day that her dad and I could spend with her for who knows how long, I had hoped that we could all do something together today.   However, even though I have been tellling her for two months to clean her room, get rid of stuff she doesn't need, so it will be easier to pack, she has ignored me, and done other things with her spare time.   Now there is no family time left, except going out for dinner.   

This is how her room usually looks, and typically is even worse.  Often, you couldn't walk in there for all the clothes and other crap on the floor, and I don't know how she was able to get ot her bed.  I keep the rest of the house very tidy, and work hard doing that, so this has been frustrating for years. 

When she told me that she wants to go out after dinner, I was so pissed off, I told my husband to just cancel the dinner, or they could go.  So Cassidy and I ended up having a fight, and she says she is so stressed about going, and that I don't care.  I tried to convince her that she is stressed because she is not prepared.    Iain asked me two hours ago about getting Cassidy's travel insurance organized.  Did I mention she is leaving tomorrow?  I also have pointed out to Iain many times that under no circumstances are we funding this trip, but I also know she has a Mastercard tied to ours, and that she will do what she wants.  Iain will do anything to look good in her eyes, but he sure doesn't do that for me.

Cassidy is my only child, and I love her to bits, but we all know how difficult mother and daughter relationships can be sometimes.  Interestingly, we got on really well last week when we were in Mexico.  

 I don't often share personal problems, and when I have a few times before, I have been "bashed" by some, like I have no right to complain about my life.  Please don't bash, I am just feeling too unhappy right now to deal with any other emotions.  

by on May. 9, 2013 at 6:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Group Admin on May. 9, 2013 at 6:55 PM

I can understand how you feel. I have had my kids, when they visit, make other choices rather than spending time with me - like spending time with friends or sleeping almost all day knowing I have to work the next day and our time is limited. Mine never left the country, but the hurt is the same. We are adults and we know they live their own lives, but - come on. It doesn't take that much to make us happy. One consolation - as they get older they are getting better about it. I hope yours "comes to her senses" soon, too. 

by Louann on May. 9, 2013 at 7:03 PM bashing from me Lynda!!  I know how you feel.  Sometimes they just don't think or care when they should!!  One day she will be different probably.  Hugs to you.  I'd have hurt feeling and be ticked off too.  Hugs to you.  Vent all you need to girl!!   Oh....and as for dh...if he were my dh he could look good all he wanted to as long as he didn't do anything behind my back.  You know what I mean.....with large amounts of money etc...

by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2013 at 7:31 PM

(((HUGS)))  Sometimes our kids get so wrapped up in their own worlds they forget the feelings of others around them.  I hope for you and her both that things are cleared up before she leaves. Maybe after you both calm down you can work it out. She is probablly just feeling scared and unsure of herself right now,shes takinga big step.  

I wish you luck and her too,shes a brave girl going to a different country and new job.

by Rose on May. 9, 2013 at 8:24 PM

Sounds very familar...whenever my daughter's are home they trash their rooms. They don't even live here and they still do this.

Sounds like she doesn't want to say good-bye to you because it makes it all the more real.

(hugs) to you and your daughter.

by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2013 at 8:30 PM

Will you be able to take a trip to visit her while she's away?

by Gold Member on May. 9, 2013 at 8:33 PM

 Lynda - I know that hurts!!!  I have not seen my youngest daughter  since her birthday in February.  She turns down our family get-together to hang out with her friends.  I doubt I will hear from her on mother's day.  It does hurt.  I hope that things work out before your daughter leaves tomorrow.  I do not understand why daughters have to be so difficult sometimes.  I think they just do not get it until they have the full responsibilities of life and children of their own.  Hugs!!!  You may find that physical distance will push her into adulthood and make you closer.

by Jeanine on May. 9, 2013 at 8:37 PM

 I would be very hurt if my dd didn't want to spend her last day with me!  I'm so sorry you had a fight :(  I hope everything goes well for her in Italy.  Keep us posted.


by on May. 9, 2013 at 9:25 PM
Hey my 23 ds moved 1300 miles away for a job with $500 in his pocket. Talk about unprepared! The job never told him he needed license which required original birth certificate etc.. It's the age, their frontal lobe hasn't developed gah! I have been an emotional mess. My granddaughter will be moving too! And my youngest ds is going to college soon and my fav gf neighbor moved this week. (((Hugs))) Momma this too shall pass
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by on May. 9, 2013 at 10:48 PM

Big hugs to you hon,
I can understand how you feel.
How did your evening go?
Hoping tomorrow is ok :)

by Louann on May. 9, 2013 at 11:16 PM

Hey Lynda....hoping you feel all the love and caring wishes from all these women.  Hugs to you   :)

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