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So, she has a date

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 12:23 PM
  • 16 Replies

Some of you may know of the challenges my daughter has had and is struggling with.

Currently, she is only taking one college class this summer and applying for jobs. She has always felt she had tons of skills and could easily get a job. She has not been called to interview at all so reality check. But I think this is her best course of action for now.

The other day she was saying that she might get back in the honors program and that the paper work "wasn't that much." That is a sea change in thinking for her over the past year. It's possible she is getting better and that a new med is helping. I HOPE so.

Today she posted she had a date on facebook. Her first date in four years. Now first of all I don't think it's her first in four years. She often distorts memory and time. Secondly, this scares the you know what out of me. Just when she is maybe getting back on track, starting to date someone could easily throw her way off again.


I just hope she has a casual date and doesn't lose track.

*crossing fingers*

On the plus side this could help her want to be more independant. Something I would like.

by on May. 29, 2013 at 12:23 PM
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by on May. 29, 2013 at 12:25 PM
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I hope all goes well....  I know how it is when you have a child that has stuff going on and everything is great and then just  1 trigger and your back to square 1.   

Prayers for you...


by Mary Ann on May. 29, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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Here is hoping that this is the start of good things to come for her.  At least she is starting to plan and that is a good thing.  Jobs are certainly not easy to come by these days, but just the act of applying is a good thing.  And if she can't find a paying job, how about maybe doing some volunteering? 

by Lisa on May. 29, 2013 at 1:02 PM
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I hope she stays on course and this does not throw her off.

by Barb on May. 29, 2013 at 4:54 PM
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I hope it goes well. :)

by Esme on May. 29, 2013 at 7:18 PM
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Maybe this will help motivate her. 

by on May. 29, 2013 at 10:24 PM
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 I don't think I would encourage her to go for the honors classes. That is so much extra stress you know?

by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 10:47 PM

I wouldn't encourage that. However, her GPA still qualifies her to be in her honor's group which was also a support group of sorts for her.

What is a happy surprise is that after a year of giving up on the honors group, and various other things because "it's too much paper work" her now saying the paper work is manageable is a very hopeful sign.

Quoting Shellness:

 I don't think I would encourage her to go for the honors classes. That is so much extra stress you know?

by Group Admin on May. 29, 2013 at 10:54 PM
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It sounds like she is being more positive about things. I hope she is being realistic and this date doesn't distract her too much. Just what you need - another thing to worry about. Hoping it works out well - college and dating!

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by on May. 30, 2013 at 12:20 AM
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Hoping ll goes well,
Let us know please :)

by Gold Member on Jun. 4, 2013 at 12:42 PM

The date went so so.

I'm going to have to teach my girl how to date. She is doing it all wrong. She has no standards or self respect it seems. I'm working on getting her to set standards and demand respect and good treatment or drop anyone who can't do that for her.

Get this. She thinks she is better than everyone else because she doesn't go by initial attraction.

She and her date didn't have any chemistry. So I said, "Well just tell her that and maybe y'all can be friends."

She says, "I am never attracted to anyone at first. I don't go by superficial things like looks. After I get to know them I might become attracted."

Earlier this year she was invited into a threesome (She thinks poly is where it is at, I think poly is just more trouble because it involves more people, LOL), by two people who she wasn't attracted to but did that stop her? No. She got drunk and went for it anyway.

I've warned her any further drinking or drug taking (later they tried morning glory seeds and she was sick for days) and I will cancel her apartment lease and bring her home. There she will do little since she doesn't drive. Fortunately, those people turned on her and she no longer hangs with them. But the chaos it caused her for was pretty damaging at the time.

I will not allow her to make these destructive choices. If she wants to do that (drinking and non prescription drug use, her prescriptions do not work with alcohol) she will have to move out on her own and figure out a way to get around on her own.

Upon further talk with her brother and me, it comes out she doesn't feel those she is attracted to are people who would date her. In other words she feels she is isn't good enough. We didn't like that. We encouraged her to think she is good enough and to go for what she really wants rather than settle.

Also I told her that initial attraction thing is very important. If she has to talk herself into it, the relationship is probably not going to work. Plus it's not all about looks. There are things we don't logically or concretely understand that go into the initial attraction thing. That first instinct is not just superficial but important and something to listen to.

She said, "Well I didn't have that with X." Her first gf. I said, "Look how that turned out. She mistreated you and was insane. Do not talk yourself into being attracted. When you don't follow your first instinct it can hurt you. It almost always has hurt me. When I try to be fair and logical rather than follow that inner wisdom."

So, for now, I'm not worried about this girl. She lives, it turns out, about an hour and twenty minutes away. So even if there was an attraction should keep things from going too fast. Whew!

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