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Do You Hold Grudges?

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:50 AM
  • 14 Replies

I Finally Learned to Stop Holding Grudges & Let Things Go

by Kristen Chase 

Letting stuff go is good for your mental healthI used to believe that I just had a really good memory, and that was why I remembered all the crappy things people in my life did. Sure, there were awesome times, and I have wonderful memories of those too, but it's sort of ridiculous how well I can recall all the bad.

Now I realize it wasn't necessarily because I had a great memory, but because I was a grudge holder. Partially because some of the things were never resolved, and partially because I just couldn't let them go.

If I could go back, I wouldn't have wasted my time obsessing about those things. I would have moved on, resolution or not.

I believe at a certain point in time, you have to understand your own role in a situation, and then decide what you're going to do about it. That could mean you seek closure no matter what the cost. Or maybe it means you decide it was too hurtful and separate yourself completely.

But whatever choice you make, I feel strongly that you have to let whatever it is go once you've made your decision. Otherwise, you'll end up like me, holding onto stupid, painful memories that don't deserve your attention.

Of course, all this is easier said than done, but I'm pretty sure it made much more sense after I had kids and I didn't have the time or the energy to juggle everything in my head.

Those thoughts and feelings don't need to be taking up space in your brain when there are so many other things you DO want to remember and keep close to you.

I'd much rather remember my daughter's first words than the time I had to call the police on my dad.

Yes, it was a big deal. But it's not doing me any good having it sit and fester in my mind.

Everyone has a different way of letting things go, but I've found that actually writing those things down on a piece of paper and then tearing it up or burning it is super effective.

But once you do, I bet you'll find that you're a much happier person, with much more space in your head, your heart, and your life for the really important and amazing things that matter.

The one time that guy said that ridiculous thing to you. The moment your mother made you feel 10 inches tall.

Get annoyed. Get frustrated. Say what you need to say. And then let it go.

You'll be so glad you did.

Are you a grudge holder?

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Amy on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:05 AM

Nope.  I am quick to forgive.  I have had some resentments that I've had to move past from childhood and there are things that I don't forget, but I don't hold it against anyone, KWIM?  

by Lisa on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:22 AM

NO, life is too short to dwell on things from the past. I may not forgive (so I never make the same mistake twice) but I do forgive.

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:51 AM

I am finally learning these lessons. I am ashamed to admit it, but for many many years, I was a grudge holder. 

by Mary Ann on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:13 PM

I think way back when I was a grudge holder, but have gotten older and wiser and can say I no longer hold grudges.  I am quick to forgive these days and am much more content because of that.

by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:20 PM

I think some things are unforgivable. I also think even if you do forgive you should let the past inform you about the future. I don't hold grudges. I've forgiven my parents for how they raised me.  OTOH, it's pretty hard to get over behavior that is still ongoing.

by Louann on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:37 PM

No definitely not.  I think it takes a lot more energy to hold a grudge and be filled with all that resentment than it does to just let it go.  I didn't see I'd forget but I will forgive.  I also don't linger over remembering either.  You know I had a friend once who told me if I didn't forget then I didn't forgive but she was wrong!!  lol  I don't dwell on the wrong that was done to me but it is in the back of my mind, ya know?  I can't truly FORGET what happened.  lol

by Esme on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Not so much anymore.  But I dont forget!

by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:23 PM

Most of the time its just not worth the energy to hold a grudge against someone.If they hurt you that bad then just let it go and move on and be more careful the next time.

Right now our whole family is basically estranged from my older brother and his family because of the way he did my Mom and lies he told.(Long story.) But me and my sister both have told him we wanted our family to be whole again. What happend is water under the bridge and its been too long for us not to be family. But he feels that we did him wrong!! So he won't let it go and refuses to even speak to us!  So just because he wants to hold agrudge or to prideful to just say,"I'm sorry for what I did." to my Mom, we lost part of our family.

I try to forgive people but I won't forget to easily.  But I will not let one person ruin the way I live the rest of my life.There is to much out there to love and enjoy.

by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:43 PM

I suppose I do. I don't forgive, but I don't harp on something. I really sort of put it away, don't think much about it.

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:59 PM

I have held grudges when people have "done me wrong" in the past.  The experts say that forgiving is something you do to make yourself feel better, and I believe that to be true.  I am extremely cautious about letting someone back into my life who has mistreated me, as I know what they are capable of.  My favourite quote is from Maya Angelou:  "If someone shows who they are, believe them the first time."

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