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SO hurt!!!

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:12 PM
  • 11 Replies
I am so hurt and heartbroken over my son. He's just turned 21 and about 6 months ago he moved out of our home and in with his girlfriend. First, he and I had a really special relationship,(or so I thought). He home schooled his high school and was a big help to me the past five years or so, as my husband was gone driving truck most of the time. My son and I sort of leaned on each other while his dad was gone. Then, out of the blue, he brought home this girl he met on Facebook, and it seems like I lost him. He's so head over heals in love with this girl.(They are engaged now) he moved in with her, about 50 miles from us. He doesn't call or text much, he doesn't come to visit very often. I realize he is a grown man now and needs to find his life, but it seems like he doesn't care about us at all!! It has taken nearly 6 months for him to finally come and clean out his room. He left a huge mess in there--I told him that it really showed a lot of disrespect to leave that, as this is OUR home. He finally came to clean it up, but today I found a bunch of ww2 airplane models in the garbage that belong to my husband. My husband spent hours and hours building these, and our son didn't even talk to his dad before he threw then away!!! I am so hurt and feel so disrespected. The pain of this is almost more than I can take. He's our youngest and our only son. He has always been the apple of my eye. I just don't understand how he could show such a lack of care for us. :-(. He has gone from being a part of my day to day life, to just being gone. It feels like I've lost him. I miss bumping into him in the kitchen and talking over dinner. Everything reminds me of him. It feels like he died or something. It almost hurts more than that because he's alive but just doesn't care :-(. I don't know how to get over my grief.
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Cindy18
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugs, Momma!

It makes me sad that you are mourning a son you still have! Do you have a hobby or somewhere you could volunteer to help you with the extra time on your hands? You need to keep yourself busy and let him go. If you love someone set them free, ya know.

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:28 PM
1 mom liked this

 I am so sorry.  Adult children that are in love can be especially thoughtless of their parents.  I remember there was a time my parents were the last thing on my mind...as I got older they were one of the first things on my mind.  Your son will come around - eventually.  I had to 'insert' myself into one of my kid's life.  It takes an effort to get her to eat out with me, or go shopping with me.  Sometimes I will get her something and have her pick it up just so we can visit.  I know that is not the same as a daily relationship, but it can be an open door to building a new relationship with him as an adult.  It is natural for them to spread their wings and fly.  Adjusting to an empty nest can be helped by finding things you like to do.  He will come around, just try to build a relationship with him, as well as his GF.  Your relationship can get better.  In the mean time - get the airplanes out of the trash!!  Welcome to the CM group!!

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:37 PM
2 moms liked this

((((Hugs)))) "Welcome" to being "the other woman". He is in a new, exciting relationship and is head over heels in love. Most young adults do tend to shut out the rest of the world for a while when they are in love....the person they are in love with becomes their world. It does not mean that they no longer love their family.

Try learning something new that you have always wanted to try or re pick up a hobby that you previously did not have time for. Volunteer, join a book club.....there are lots of new and exciting things out there for you too, not just your son!

DesignGirl450
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this

So sorry.  I agree with what the others have said, and you have to try to move on and keep yourself occupied as this is a tough situation for you. 

njt320
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:35 PM
1 mom liked this
It happens with sons. That is why I wish I had a daughter!! Lol
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by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:10 AM

Aww hugs to you & so sorry,
Give hiom time & maybe he will learn how to have 2 women in his life ;)

robin1953
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I have sons and daughters and it is hard either way. He is, as others have said, head over heels over this girl and isn't thinking straight. Give him a little time and give yourself time, too. It is painful. Hugs Hugs Hugs

sunshine97325
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:49 AM

I understand very well how you are feeling. My son and I were close also but when he got with his now wife everything changed. It changed the way it should , he is focused on his wife. But, why can't he still find time to just say hi or stop by etc. Guys are not as thoughtful that way as girls I think. Also he has his wife now to do all the talking. I am hoping it gets better. Its been three years. It hasn't improved yet. They are having a baby in November maybe that will help him to connect again???

nana9106
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:56 AM
2 moms liked this

 I am so sorry :(

He will come around. Like the others said, just give him time.

Don't wait for him to make the first move. Send him texts (even if he doesnt respond). Call and invite he and his GF to dinner or lunch. Try to develop a new relationship with them as a couple.

(((HUGS))) good luck

emptynstr
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:53 AM

I have one boy and one girl and can say each is special in their own way.Having two women living under the same roof, to me, was much more difficult than having my son here. For my part I just do texing, some Facebook postings and emails to keep the lines of communication open. I don't always expect a response but I do like to make him feel informed and included about what the entire family is up to, then when we do talk he is aware of any major events.

He has moved across the country and as Mom I don't hear from him as much as I would like and it is even more sporadic when he has a girlfriend. We have made a point to welcome the girlfriends (only 3 that he has brought into the family over the years) as much as we can.

We get to meet the latest Love tomorrow, he is flying in from CA and She is coming from NJ for a big family event.


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