With a little bit of tough love thrown in there. (long post again)
DD20, DDF and I went to late lunch last week. Was pretty uneventful. Light conversation, looking at the wedding/bridal magazines I brought, the usual and customary.
Came back to my place and had DD17 come out to the front porch (she had just dyed her hair and outside lighting is best). We all 4 were standing there talking for a bit when I summoned DDF around the corner.
I told him how incredibly upset I was that he didn't see fit to check on me the last day they were living in my house and that I was IRATE when he used 1/2 the data for the month & never uttered an apology or offer to rectify. Although I did appreciate that he didn't just sling the words around (and told him so). I made it clear to him that I expect honesty & respect at all times. If he disagrees with me on an issue, he's more than welcome to discuss it with me in a respectful manner. Actions are the definitive assessment and I expect to see it. He replied with a "Yes Ma'am" and that was the end of it.
The next day I went with DD20 & DD17 to the bridal shop. She found her dress and bought it. I paid for her veil & tiara. We also got the MOH dress.
Biggest news: HE GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!! However, it's night shift and DD20 has been calling me in tears every night for the past 3 nights. I finally decided to stop coddling her and told her last night she is acting like a 3 year old and most certainly not befitting of someone mature enough to get married. I reminded her she needed to support him working whatever shift it is. She called me a short while later telling me she told him (on his break) that she will work on providing better support to him & that she doesn't want him to quit because of her (he has said that he hates the night shift as well). Well...he quit. Not because of her, but because his knee hurt (didn't do anything to it, it just 'hurt) and they put him on light duty. He didn't want to file papers all night, so he quit. After she told me this, I said "Okay, so you are BOTH 3 years old & no where near mature enough to get married, perhaps a second/third/more discussion needs to take place before you have a wedding in 4 months." She didn't like it but, agreed they were not acting very mature.
Progress. Slow, but steady.