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Operation Supportive Mom has begun...

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 7:30 PM
  • 21 Replies
1 mom liked this

With a little bit of tough love thrown in there. (long post again)

DD20, DDF and I went to late lunch last week. Was pretty uneventful. Light conversation, looking at the wedding/bridal magazines I brought, the usual and customary.

Came back to my place and had DD17 come out to the front porch (she had just dyed her hair and outside lighting is best). We all 4 were standing there talking for a bit when I summoned DDF around the corner.

I told him how incredibly upset I was that he didn't see fit to check on me the last day they were living in my house and that I was IRATE when he used 1/2 the data for the month & never uttered an apology or offer to rectify. Although I did appreciate that he didn't just sling the words around (and told him so). I made it clear to him that I expect honesty & respect at all times. If he disagrees with me on an issue, he's more than welcome to discuss it with me in a respectful manner. Actions are the definitive assessment and I expect to see it. He replied with a "Yes Ma'am" and that was the end of it.

The next day I went with DD20 & DD17 to the bridal shop. She found her dress and bought it. I paid for her veil & tiara. We also got the MOH dress.

Biggest news: HE GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!! However, it's night shift and DD20 has been calling me in tears every night for the past 3 nights. I finally decided to stop coddling her and told her last night she is acting like a 3 year old and most certainly not befitting of someone mature enough to get married. I reminded her she needed to support him working whatever shift it is. She called me a short while later telling me she told him (on his break) that she will work on providing better support to him & that she doesn't want him to quit because of her (he has said that he hates the night shift as well). Well...he quit. Not because of her, but because his knee hurt (didn't do anything to it, it just 'hurt) and they put him on light duty. He didn't want to file papers all night, so he quit. After she told me this, I said "Okay, so you are BOTH 3 years old & no where near mature enough to get married, perhaps a second/third/more discussion needs to take place before you have a wedding in 4 months." She didn't like it but, agreed they were not acting very mature.

Progress. Slow, but steady.

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 7:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jabs54
by Jeanine on Nov. 23, 2013 at 7:47 PM

 I don't remember, does she work?  How do they support themselves?

alwaysbelieve
by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 7:58 PM

She is a newly full time cake decorator at our local supermarket. She also gets a monthly anuity payment from her deceased brother's trust.

Quoting jabs54:

 I don't remember, does she work?  How do they support themselves?


Ambear72
by Amber on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:59 PM

 Im glad you told him how you feel.  Good Luck with it all.  I hope everything turns our alright for you and your not going to stress and worry to much about them. 

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:33 PM

Best of luck with this situation.   

hugss
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by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 12:04 AM

You're making progress,
Will they both be looking for work now?
Hugs to you :)

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Nov. 24, 2013 at 1:56 PM

It is said that slow and steady wins the race, so as long as some wee bit of progress is being made, it is a good sign.  I don't understand why with the job market being what it is that young people find it so easy to just up and quit for no good reason at all (at least I don't see not wanting to fill out papers a very good reason).  I am glad though that you had a talk with him and, at least on the surface he seemed to get the message.  Now to see if he adheres to it.  I do think you are right, neither of them seem to be ready for marriage.

gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 2:55 PM

 You are right...Slow, but steady

mamamiajk
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this

I must say I agree with you mom. In this economy there are people who would give their "eye" teeth to have a job...ANY job on any shift. They had better get their acts together BEFORE they get married lil lone bring a lil one into the picture. Good Luck....it looks like they are in bad need of it.hugs

alwaysbelieve
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 4:47 PM


Quoting hugss:

You're making progress,
Will they both be looking for work now?
Hugs to you :)

DD20 has a job but has been struggling with an asthma exacerbation...she was at the ER last night...So just as before, it will be her supporting him. As long as she is okay with that, all I can do is support her but...the fact that most of her 'support' comes by way of her brother's death, I remain twisted about it. I had adifficult time not mentioning that the other night and reminded her to "make it matter" as her brother's life did. 

alwaysbelieve
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 4:49 PM


Quoting Ambear72:

 Im glad you told him how you feel.  Good Luck with it all.  I hope everything turns our alright for you and your not going to stress and worry to much about them. 

All I can do is state my thoughts & offer advice. She is into this everything I say is a 'judgement' lately. I told her "I comment. Comments are not judgment. That is your perception of it and you are responsible for how you perceive it."

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