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Tell me I did not just make a mistake...

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:28 PM
  • 49 Replies

Here is the situation. 

My 23 year old son is still living here.  He pays us a monthly rent and works full time and was attending school.  We have an agreement that he may live here as long as he is working and attending at least one college class each semester.  Last semester he took off due to not being able to get the class that he wanted to take.  He has been dragging his feet when it comes to attending classes this coming Spring semester.  Tensions have been running high between us due to the fact that he keeps telling me that he will do it tomorrow when he gets home from work.  Well he walked through the door and I greeted him and asked him again if he signed up for a college class.  He told me he was really tired and that he will do it this week.  Well ladies I just looked at him and asked him.  Steven do you like being able to live in this house with us?  He looked at me and told me yes.  I then told him that he either needs to go sign up for a class or he needs to find other living arrangements. 

Ladies please tell me that I did the right thing.  I am so tired of my husband screaming at me about our son and I am tired of my son putting things off and me being in the middle of it all. 

I am at the end of my rope here...

by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
gonecrazi
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:40 PM

 You did the right thing..

Esmrlda
by Esme on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:44 PM
2 moms liked this

You did the right thing, that was the agreement with him and he needs to hold up his end of the deal. Sometimes push needs to come to shove. 

Why does your dh yell at you about him, hehehe I would tell him to get off my back, stop yelling at me and yell at the kid! 

atlmom2
by Gold Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:47 PM
You did the right thing. He drops the class he has 30 days to find to living arrangements.
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my4kids274
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:53 PM

I just called my husband up at work and told him what I did and told him that he needs to speak next time.  :) 

Quoting Esmrlda:

You did the right thing, that was the agreement with him and he needs to hold up his end of the deal. Sometimes push needs to come to shove. 

Why does your dh yell at you about him, hehehe I would tell him to get off my back, stop yelling at me and yell at the kid! 


Esmrlda
by Esme on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:54 PM

clapping  Way to go mama!!    you rock

Quoting my4kids274:

I just called my husband up at work and told him what I did and told him that he needs to speak next time.  :) 

Quoting Esmrlda:

You did the right thing, that was the agreement with him and he needs to hold up his end of the deal. Sometimes push needs to come to shove. 

Why does your dh yell at you about him, hehehe I would tell him to get off my back, stop yelling at me and yell at the kid! 



my4kids274
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:55 PM
1 mom liked this

:)

Quoting Esmrlda:

clapping  Way to go mama!!    you rock

Quoting my4kids274:

I just called my husband up at work and told him what I did and told him that he needs to speak next time.  :) 

Quoting Esmrlda:

You did the right thing, that was the agreement with him and he needs to hold up his end of the deal. Sometimes push needs to come to shove. 

Why does your dh yell at you about him, hehehe I would tell him to get off my back, stop yelling at me and yell at the kid! 




alwaysbelieve
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:59 PM

Yes, yes, yes!!! (you did the right thing)

KittyGram
by Becky on Dec. 17, 2013 at 5:15 PM

In part, yes, you did the right thing.  But that's only the first half of it.  What are you going to do if he fails to sign up, and when is your deadline?  

The second half would of course be following thru with your ultimatum.  Speaking from my own experiences with my daughter, you HAVE to follow thru with the consequences, otherwise you may as well have not said anything at all about it.  And if you fail to follow thru, it will be that much easier next time for HIM not to follow thru, because he knows you won't follow thru.

Tough love.  Ugh.  It's so much harder on the giver than the receiver.  But the benefits for both far outweigh the difficulty in delivering it!!!!  Hang in there, stick to your guns and follow thru with the consequences (which means to be prepared for the conseuqences even before you state what they are).  Your son will learn from your actions and your words, so make sure they match!!!

Hang in there, good luck, and ((hugs)) to you!!! 

my4kids274
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 5:40 PM

I will definitely take your advice and follow through.  I am not one that likes any type of confrontation in my home...mainly due to the fact that I also have 2 younger children also.  I do not want them to be exposed to fights between my son and my husband and I.  I try to keep the homefront as stable and welcoming and stress free as I can but I reached the end of my rope today. 

I will hang in there and thank you for the hug.  I was about in tears typing this post.  All of you are great here in this group!

Quoting KittyGram:

In part, yes, you did the right thing.  But that's only the first half of it.  What are you going to do if he fails to sign up, and when is your deadline?  

The second half would of course be following thru with your ultimatum.  Speaking from my own experiences with my daughter, you HAVE to follow thru with the consequences, otherwise you may as well have not said anything at all about it.  And if you fail to follow thru, it will be that much easier next time for HIM not to follow thru, because he knows you won't follow thru.

Tough love.  Ugh.  It's so much harder on the giver than the receiver.  But the benefits for both far outweigh the difficulty in delivering it!!!!  Hang in there, stick to your guns and follow thru with the consequences (which means to be prepared for the conseuqences even before you state what they are).  Your son will learn from your actions and your words, so make sure they match!!!

Hang in there, good luck, and ((hugs)) to you!!! 


my4kids274
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 5:41 PM

Thank you ladies!

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