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For Those who have been Divorced....

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:44 PM
  • 29 Replies

How long did it take you to leave your husband?   I guess what I mean is how long were you unhappy in your marriage before you ended it?

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I was questioning the state of my marriage for about three or four years. We started dating when I was 16, married at 22 an divorced at 30. When I finally left,  I regretted it or missed him, we went to counseling and I realized I did make the right decision the counselor agreed he thought it was a really good idea too, so I  moved forward with the divorce. It was extremely painful, but I have zero regrets. I've been happily married for the last 12 years. I can't imagine living my old life.

Why123
by Nancy on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:10 PM

I realized it wasn't working at 9 years but I got pregnant so I ended up staying for another 8.  I have been single for the last 27 years and couldn't be happier.

EireLass
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:26 PM
I didnt know we were unhappy, haha. I was home making cookies, he comes in from work, usual time, goes straight to the bedroom and packs up. Tells me he's going to go stay with his mim for awhile. HUH?
Although he was home at the exact time every afternoon from work, always home on weekends, he'd been having a lunchtime affair.
6 years later the divorce was finalized.
kuntrylady56
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:39 PM

I started having problems with my ex  when we had been married about 8-9 yeard and and found out he was cheating on me. I had suspected it for a year or two but didn't have any concrete evidence plus we had our daughter and I wanted to make it work.  But that summer we had went to his Moms funeral and came home and there was a registered letter to him from "HER",telling him how much she was missing him and she loved him ect....   Well he said it was all one sided on her part blah blah and he promised he he wouldn't see her agian but they worked in the same building soooooo.  Well to make a long story short I ended up staying with him for almost twenty years!  And I just got to the point I knew I wanted out and I wasn't even sleeping in the same room with him anymore. We both knew a divorce was in our future. I had began to talk with Larry(my now husband) online and we became good friends.  He invited me out to meet him here in MO so I did,this was after talking to him for almost two years.  Anyway knew I loved him the first day I was out here.  Spent a week with him,went home got everything settled with my soon to be ex.,explained alot of thngs to my daughter she had already figured out on her own. Packed up my truck with what I could,my critters,my daughter and never looked back!  

And after my experience I realize if you're unhappy and you're doing all the work to make the marriage last its time to get out.

Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:39 PM

I was with my ex 10 years total, eight married. I was going to stay but he walked out. I had hoped he would mellow.

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:51 PM

I kinda knew both times I said, "I do" that I was making a mistake ... hubby #1 was January 1979 until July 1982.  Hubby #2 was April 1984 to June 1997.  Not gonna make that mistake again. 

LAMARQ
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:20 PM

OMG Suzee, same with me both times. I remember looking at my 1st ex when we were saying our vows (he was sweating profusely) and wondering what the heck I was doing. With my 2nd ex I found out a week before the wedding he slept with someone else. I thought I could "fix" him and went through with the wedding. Within months I was contemplating divorce and we went through with it a year later.

Quoting suzeebloch:

I kinda knew both times I said, "I do" that I was making a mistake ... hubby #1 was January 1979 until July 1982.  Hubby #2 was April 1984 to June 1997.  Not gonna make that mistake again. 


Maddie24
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:06 PM

 I was married 17 years the first time...I was 19 when we married.  We had gone to couselling the last few years - I was a stepford wife and he really did not want a wife - he wanted a mother.  He loved me in his way, but he did not care about me and he never had any interest in doing anything with me.  I just so desperately wanted to be a happy family.  After the children, he seemed to be unhappy and just wanted solitude.  I was miserable and made myself sick those last few years.  If things did not change I was going to be sicker.  So I changed it.  We separated for a few months then I got a divorce.  I still loved him, but I could not live with him - all he really seemed to care about is himself.   I was married a second time for a year - my children hated him and he adored me.  I could not get over the 'spouse' adjustment with the children being such a battle.  I remarried husband #1 7 years ago - it lasted 18 months before his old ways came up and I could not see us growing old together - he would never have my interest at heart.  I realized we were just better off living apart so we divorced again.  I was fortunate - there were no messy divorces and I had an established career.  I have seen some that had to enter the workforce at 50 for the first time and it is tough - very tough.  I am lonely at times - but I am better off alone since I gave up trying to move on.  My girls were young - it was very hard on them to lose me to the workforce.  Very hard for me too - I will never be sure I did the right thing.  I do know it was hard on the two men I cared about as well.  Yes - I won't be doing that again.

 

alwaysbelieve
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 11:14 PM

1st one we started having problems a year into the marriage. Even separated for a bit. Got back together and 2 years later found out he had slept with over 12 women in the 4 months we were apart. I chalked it up to we were apart and continued to work at it. Then, Christmas 1992 I found out he had been having another affair. I kicked him out and found out a month later I was 14 weeks pregnant with #4. Still went through with divorce.

#2, I had that uneasy feeling before we married. Married anyway. Separated 3 years later. Gave it another year attempt, found out about him using drugs, kicked him out, divorced and never looked back.

terri-553
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:16 AM

Okay,I was 18 when I get married the 1st time,I tell all my  kids you are allowed one mistake that was mine,thank goodness we don;t have any kids,After 9 months I got tired of being his punching bag,took my baby,left my hubby of 32 years come Sunday paid for my divorce we got married the day after it was final,no regerts,never looked back,That idiot put my youngest sister in the hostipal earlier this week,don;t know for sure what happend other than he shoved her down,broke her hip,she had to have a 3 hour surgery to have a rod put in it,Thank Goodness Momma isn;t here to have to worry about her,I don;t know how she is doing my other sister said she;s coming home w/her,here in town,we don;t speak,trust me ithas nothing to do w/him,It has everything to do when Momma died

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