Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Let go

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:11 PM
  • 10 Replies
2 moms liked this

A friend posted this on FB.  I'm not Buddhist (neither is he) but I still believe the concept is a very valid one.  A lot easier said than done, obviously, but in my opinion, definitely something to strive for.   This is a bit long but a worthwhile read, again in my opinion. 


A friend called me crying one day because her boyfriend had left her for another woman. I couldn’t understand why she was devastated. “You want to be with a guy who loves you as much as you love him, right? Someone who would never do this to you, correct? And this guy obviously doesn’t fit those criteria, so why are you sad?” It made no sense. At least not to me. It was clear, right there and then, that my view on emotions is very different from other people’s. I view emotions as the potholes on an otherwise smooth path toward euphoria, while my friends celebrate (yet complain about) the ups and downs of their emotional roller coasters. I’m not a mean, coldhearted or unsympathetic individual, mind you; I simply trace back the origin of the pain we feel and, if it’s self-inflicted—which it almost always is—I say, “If it hurts when you pinch yourself, stop pinching yourself!” My friends know me very well, by the way, so when they come to me for guidance they actually expect this kind of a reality check. I can understand, however, how or why my comment would seem brutal to an outsider. It wasn't necessarily easy for me to be so direct with her (I've had my heart broken too many times before, I know exactly how badly it hurts), but she came to me not wanting sympathy or a shoulder to cry on (she was actually sick of crying and wanted to move on)... hence the boot camp approach. When a friend needs a shoulder, I provide a shoulder, but when they need this, it's in my back pocket ready to go!

I was taught that feelings naturally come and go (like clouds in the sky), whereas emotions are feelings with a story attached to them. Those emotions can last for as long as we keep feeding the story, and this can go on for years. So when people FEEL sad, I understand, but when they EMOTE sad, I get very confused. Buddhism teaches us that if we get attached to impermanent things (and feelings are a perfect example of things that are impermanent), then our lives will be full of anguish. But if we live each moment without getting attached to it, then we can eliminate the very cause of suffering right there and then, and joyfully live our lives. As soon as I started studying the Buddha’s teaching I thought, “Now THIS makes sense! It’s absolutely brilliant!” Although it makes logical sense, it also takes years of retraining the mind to see things this way (especially in the heat of the moment). We all feel sad sometimes, or hurt, angry, excited, anxious, even blissful, but it never lasts for very long, and that’s okay. When one feeling passes, another feeling will replace it. It’s natural to feel disappointed when things don’t work out as you had hoped, but the only natural response when that happens is to move on. Difficult as it may sometimes seem, it’s still easier than trying to cling to what is no longer there! All you can do is remind yourself to let go.

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:11 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
jabs54
by Jeanine on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:32 PM

  ...Buddhism teaches us that if we get attached to impermanent things (and feelings are a perfect example of things that are impermanent), then our lives will be full of anguish. But if we live each moment without getting attached to it, then we can eliminate the very cause of suffering right there and then, and joyfully live our lives...

I guess this is "too deep" for my little pea brain.  I can't imagine life without feeling the emotion of love, loss, happiness etc.

KittyGram
by Becky on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:34 PM

Yes, a very valid concept indeed.  And yes, easier said than done.  I wish I could say I practice this a lot more than I do...... sometimes, though, it just takes more time to process and work thru, before letting go.

I know I've gotten much better over the years at this, and I know I will get even better as time goes on.

Thanks for sharing it with us!!!

emptynstr
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:37 PM

The key here is the "attached" part. You feel but you do not stay in the emotion...think of the old saying "wallowing in self pity"...you feel, acknowledge and allow the next emotion.

Quoting jabs54:

  ...Buddhism teaches us that if we get attached to impermanent things (and feelings are a perfect example of things that are impermanent), then our lives will be full of anguish. But if we live each moment without getting attached to it, then we can eliminate the very cause of suffering right there and then, and joyfully live our lives...

I guess this is "too deep" for my little pea brain.  I can't imagine life without feeling the emotion of love, loss, happiness etc.


Leanne




 We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Esmrlda
by Esme on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:29 PM

I very good at letting go and moving on.  Too good, its almost scary.

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 8:53 PM

 I get a total F on letting go and I know it would be wise to learn to do so. 

LEK19
by Group Admin on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:57 PM

I agree for the most part, but people are all individuals and need to deal with things in their own way. If someone wallows or chooses to remain angry then, yes, they are mostly hurting themselves.

I wonder if this also counts for happiness - good stories and feeling the joy they bring when you relive them and remember them. Feeling love and warmth is also an emotion. Do they lump them all together? And it is also wise to be able to remember how someone has made you feel so as to not succomb to "sweet talk." 

hugss
Report
Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group :)
Yesterday at 11:29 PM
Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 12:24 AM

Letting go is never easy,

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Feb. 6, 2014 at 4:31 AM

I can't help but assume it's the negative emotions he's talking about.  Those are the emotions that can consume a person.   I don't think there would be much damage to "wallow in happiness"

Quoting LEK19:

I agree for the most part, but people are all individuals and need to deal with things in their own way. If someone wallows or chooses to remain angry then, yes, they are mostly hurting themselves.

I wonder if this also counts for happiness - good stories and feeling the joy they bring when you relive them and remember them. Feeling love and warmth is also an emotion. Do they lump them all together? And it is also wise to be able to remember how someone has made you feel so as to not succomb to "sweet talk." 


jjames1990
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 5:15 AM
1 mom liked this
Same here. My husband calls me Etch. Short for Etch a Sketch. I can erase any memory from my brain and move on.

My mother was Buddhist. I have forgiven the unthinkable for everyone else, but for me, remembering and not forgiving is a waste of my brain space.

Quoting Esmrlda:

I very good at letting go and moving on.  Too good, its almost scary.

Esmrlda
by Esme on Feb. 6, 2014 at 10:57 PM
That's funny, what a great nickname.

Quoting jjames1990: Same here. My husband calls me Etch. Short for Etch a Sketch. I can erase any memory from my brain and move on.



My mother was Buddhist. I have forgiven the unthinkable for everyone else, but for me, remembering and not forgiving is a waste of my brain space.



Quoting Esmrlda:

I very good at letting go and moving on.  Too good, its almost scary.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)