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He is now in jail!

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 11:27 AM
  • 45 Replies
Well it was kinda of a relief that my dh got put in jail late last night. He got pulled over for speeding, driving while under the influence. Plus when they ran his name thru seen he had a warrant for his arrest. My lawyer said he has a hearing this morning and could be release on bail but he is going to do his best to keep him behind bars where he belong!
In meantime my 14 yr old hears my conversation and ask me can we go back to our home now. She wants to see her friends for her birthday and dad. I told her I didn't think it was safe still until I know exactly what's going to happen with him. She once again gives me attitude telling me she don't get why she's being punish because of my stupid husband. It's not her fault! I was stupid staying with him. I told her I wasn't blaming her or taking anything out on her. I just want us safe! Trying to protect us so we can't go back and I was sorry she can't see her friends but her dad is coming down to see her. She than gives me the silent treatment. I asked her if she mind watching her younger sibilings so I could jump in shower. She tells me they aren't her kids! She don't get why she needs to watch them! They arent her responsibility. That when her dad comes she is moving in with him. She wants to be back at her school with friends. I ask her why so much attitude towards me?. Why the anger? I'm doing the best I can considering I circumstances. I just need her to try be a little more understanding if she could. And work with me. I apologized to her for not leaving sooner and having us in this situation. But I need her to work with me instead of the attitude. I know teenagers will be teenagers... She than gets up close the door to room in my face. I mean seriously how do you handle that?! Very frustrating.... Second day she has lash out at me with so much anger! I really am trying hard! I feel very overwhelmed! Like my head is barley above water and I'm going to drown anytime now! I know that may come off as a bit dramactic. It's how I'm feeling. Thank you guys for allowing me to vent and things! I appreciate it alot!
by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 11:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jjames1990
by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

She has more then just normal teenage angst.  She sees her life as being completely changed, for the worse, uprooted, and she didn't ask for it or want it.  To her, it is completely unfair.  Is there anyway that you can send her to her fathers? At 14, you are not going to get much understanding out of her, she is still the child and is expecting you to guide her, be the strong one and do what is right.  She isnt able to see that things cant happen right away.  I know all of this because I put my children in the same position when I divorced their father.  It was horrible and I wasn't able to completely understand their side.  

amylulu1
by Amy on Feb. 20, 2014 at 1:22 PM

I'm glad he's in jail.  I would think that they would not give him a bond with the assault warrant.  Didn't he violate the protective order as well?

Your daughter is frustrated and scared and her whole world is uprooted.  It doesn't make it okay to be disrespectful, but she sounds like she is overwhelmed.  Perhaps it would be better and safer for her to be with her dad right now.  I know it's hard for you but do what is in her best interests, as well.  It is so difficult, believe me.  I sent my youngest son to live with his dad (completely different circumstances, but still a hard decision and it was the best for him).

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Feb. 20, 2014 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry about your daughter acting the way she is.  Unfortunately, she is only 14 and she's actually spot-on about the situation ... taking care of her half-siblings of course isn't her "responsibility" but her attitude about it all stems from the issues you are facing.  I'm glad to know your soon-to-be-ex is currently behind bars, but seriously, how long can they keep him?  I'd be leery of returning home, too, but then again what are you supposed to do?  I think this is a question you should ask your attorney.

again, sorry about your daughter acting the way she is, and mostly I'm sorry that you find yourself in this predicament.  Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs ....

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Feb. 20, 2014 at 2:36 PM

Hurray that he is in jail.  Be sure to press charges.   Your daughter is like all teenagers who have just had their world turned upside down and at this point they have very little consideration for all the whys and wherefores of what brought it on and what hell you are going through trying to fix it.  Is is not possible that her dad and you could arrange a get together with her and her friends at a pizza place or soda fountain for her birthday?  Or if her dad lives near her friends, maybe have her friend there for cake and ice cream.  You are going through a bad time, but then so is she.

jabs54
by Jeanine on Feb. 20, 2014 at 2:39 PM
2 moms liked this

 I'm afraid I agree with your daughter.  She is being punished for your mistakes.  And, you continue to have kids and it's not her job to watch them.  If my ex had custody of my kids and they married someone who was abusive I would have taken control of my kids a long time ago and gotten them out of that home. 

 I'm sorry if I seem unsympathetic...

KittyGram
by Becky on Feb. 20, 2014 at 4:26 PM

14 is a really tough age.  And for you (and her) to be going thru this right now, makes it even that much tougher.  One day she will understand, and she will thank you for all you've done to keep her (and siblings) safe, but right now, she's going thru the typical "me and me only" stage.  Hang in there.  And hang on, because, on top of everything else you've got going on in your life, she's going to take you on one hell of a rollercoaster ride. 

I'm glad to hear the jerk is in jail.  I don't understand, though, what YOUR lawyer thinks he can do to keep him there?  Where any of the charges regarding YOU or the kids?

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 5:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Her father came down to my niece house this afternoon for my dd birthday. We all 3 talk and she will go stay with him until end of school year. As well get her into some counseling.

Quoting jjames1990:

She has more then just normal teenage angst.  She sees her life as being completely changed, for the worse, uprooted, and she didn't ask for it or want it.  To her, it is completely unfair.  Is there anyway that you can send her to her fathers? At 14, you are not going to get much understanding out of her, she is still the child and is expecting you to guide her, be the strong one and do what is right.  She isnt able to see that things cant happen right away.  I know all of this because I put my children in the same position when I divorced their father.  It was horrible and I wasn't able to completely understand their side.  

jjames1990
by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this
That is wonderful. Congrats mom on making the decisions that I know are hard, but you put her first.

Quoting brookerenee45: Her father came down to my niece house this afternoon for my dd birthday. We all 3 talk and she will go stay with him until end of school year. As well get her into some counseling.



Quoting jjames1990:

She has more then just normal teenage angst.  She sees her life as being completely changed, for the worse, uprooted, and she didn't ask for it or want it.  To her, it is completely unfair.  Is there anyway that you can send her to her fathers? At 14, you are not going to get much understanding out of her, she is still the child and is expecting you to guide her, be the strong one and do what is right.  She isnt able to see that things cant happen right away.  I know all of this because I put my children in the same position when I divorced their father.  It was horrible and I wasn't able to completely understand their side.  

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 5:49 PM
He was not allow out on bond. I'm very happy about. My ex dh and I talk my dd will go stay with him for rest of school yr and get into counseling.

Quoting amylulu1:

I'm glad he's in jail.  I would think that they would not give him a bond with the assault warrant.  Didn't he violate the protective order as well?

Your daughter is frustrated and scared and her whole world is uprooted.  It doesn't make it okay to be disrespectful, but she sounds like she is overwhelmed.  Perhaps it would be better and safer for her to be with her dad right now.  I know it's hard for you but do what is in her best interests, as well.  It is so difficult, believe me.  I sent my youngest son to live with his dad (completely different circumstances, but still a hard decision and it was the best for him).

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 5:54 PM
Hi. I wasn't trying to put her sibilings on her like she needs to help me all the time. The baby was sleeping and the twins were watching cartoons. All I was asking was just help me for a few mins. I haven't ask her to help me in taking care of her siblings. It was this once. And I apologized to her for askin and having her feel as I'm laying my responsibility on her. She is going to stay with her father until school yr ends as well get into counseling.

Quoting suzeebloch:

Sorry about your daughter acting the way she is.  Unfortunately, she is only 14 and she's actually spot-on about the situation ... taking care of her half-siblings of course isn't her "responsibility" but her attitude about it all stems from the issues you are facing.  I'm glad to know your soon-to-be-ex is currently behind bars, but seriously, how long can they keep him?  I'd be leery of returning home, too, but then again what are you supposed to do?  I think this is a question you should ask your attorney.

again, sorry about your daughter acting the way she is, and mostly I'm sorry that you find yourself in this predicament.  Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs ....

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