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Feeling a wee bit guilty ... what are your thoughts?

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 10:57 AM
  • 41 Replies

So over at my parents yesterday, I mentioned that IF Johnny has to have surgery, I plan to drive out but I'm tight on funds and asked if my parents would loan me some money to cover gas/lodging for the trip?  They know I seldom ask for monetary help and when I do I always pay them back, and of course they said no problem.

I won't know, of course, until Friday whether or not Johnny will be having surgery, but I like to plan for the worst and hope for the best.  I've even already alerted the FL boss about this possibility.

Anyway, my dad then asks me if I would mind taking my mom with me.  Nothing like being put on the spot!  She looked at me with puppy-dog eyes.  If she had a tail, I'm sure it was wagging.  I really do not want mom in tow, though, and mentioned that I have no way of knowing how long I might be there, so I said "No, I don't think it's a good idea" as nicely as I could.  If she was a puppy, her tail was now between her legs, looking at me with sad puppy-dog eyes, head down. 

And now I feel horribly guilty about it.  Mom will be 82 on Friday and she is frail.  I'm sure she would be fine with a road trip (1800 miles each way).  I mean, this might be the last time she sees Johnny for all I know ... or it may not.  But I'll be staying with Johnny and his GF in their 1-bedroom apartment so already just for me being there I'm not sure about sleeping arrangements, for starters.  And if Johnny has complications (like last time) I could be there a while (it was 5 weeks last time). 

what do you think?  Should I re-consider and invite my mom?  I value everyone's opinion on this issue!  :o)

by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 10:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mariagma3
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:03 AM

 I see your Dad's position, and I see your's. IDK if you should re-consider. Problem is, if you take her, is there enough room as is? Sorry, I'm no help. Good luck deciding!!!

EireLass
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:07 AM
Wow....I see both sides. If he needs surgery, you know you'll be there for a long time and extra people may cause unnecessary stress for him. Did he have the girlfriend last time you stayed 5 weeks? Will she be okay with you in her space for 5 weeks?
suzeebloch
by Ronna on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Mariagma3:

 I see your Dad's position, and I see your's. IDK if you should re-consider. Problem is, if you take her, is there enough room as is? Sorry, I'm no help. Good luck deciding!!!

Yeah, you're no help.  LOL!  If we were staying at a motel while in CA, then yes.  But in an effort to try and save money, I'll be staying at Johnny's place.  I'm curious to see what others say.  oohh, I should have set this up as a poll.  !

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:11 AM
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Quoting EireLass: Wow....I see both sides. If he needs surgery, you know you'll be there for a long time and extra people may cause unnecessary stress for him. Did he have the girlfriend last time you stayed 5 weeks? Will she be okay with you in her space for 5 weeks?

Last time my parents drove with me, and we stayed at a place provided by the hospital so that was neat. Johnny was in the hospital for a full week and my parents went ahead and left after he was stable and in his own room, like 4 or 5 days after the surgery, and I stayed at the room provided by the hospital until Johnny was discharged to rehab.  Then, I stayed at his apartment.  No, he didn't have a GF at that point.  Johnny and I have already talked about my coming out and he and his GF are perfectly fine having me stay at his apartment, in fact it's pretty much a given. 

Ambear72
by Amber on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:29 AM
Did you explain the sleeping arrangements to them. It may not be a good idea for your mom to sleep on a couch or floor, and hotels coat to much.
Why123
by Nancy on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:30 AM

I see your dilemma.  Unfortunately, your mom will need almost as much care as your son will.  That will be very hard on you.  I am sure that your son doesn't have more than one couch.  To take your mom with you under these conditions is just not practical.

Ambear72
by Amber on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:31 AM
Will you be driving through Reno? If so and I'm not at work lets get a coffee or Soda!
Mariagma3
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:38 AM

Okay, if yo can leave your Mom, do that. Would it be possible for your daughter to help out Grandpa?

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:47 AM

I can see your dilemma. especially with them financing the trip.  I do think you wil have your hands full if Johnny indeed has to have surgery and you getting to know his girlfriend and the sleeping arrangements being a bit limited.  Also there is your mother's confusion on the Japenese trip which could be a problem again once she is out of her comfort zone.  Perhaps you could have a discussion with your dad and explain all the reasons you are hesitant about her making the trip.  On the other hand, I would probably take her and hope for the best but that is just me and not necessarily the right thing to do. 

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Feb. 26, 2014 at 12:26 PM
1 mom liked this

oh, my dad is finally all healed now and taking care of himself.  Driving, snowblowing the driveway, chopping wood, the whole she-bang.  If he danced, he'd be doing that, too.  LOL. 

Quoting Mariagma3:

Okay, if yo can leave your Mom, do that. Would it be possible for your daughter to help out Grandpa?


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