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doesn't end

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 12:29 AM
  • 19 Replies
Ok so I'm very beyond angry right now! My 14 dd decided to sneak out tonight!!!! So not only did I have to drag all the little ones out of bed to go look for her. She doesn't answer her cell! Her father calls her and she doesn't answer. I'm totally freaking out! Blood pressure probably is beyond what it needs to.We finally track her down by the tracking on her cell. Once again with a BOY! Smoking pot and drinking.Her father scares the boy off. Than ask her whats her problem?! Why can't she just talk about what's going on instead all this rebellion crap! She rolls her eyes and tells him she can make her decisions she's no kid. She wants us to get off her back. Her father tells her he will not put up with her attitude and disrespect. He grabs her and puts her in my van. Than tells me he can't handle this right now. He needs to cool off. He will come by my place tomorrow. We'll on the drive home I try asking Caitlin can she just tell me what she's feeling what's going on inside her. I really want to know. That I love her very much.But this behavior she's exhibiting will not get her the type of attention she wants. How i want to help her through the things she's feeling inside but I can't if she shuts me out and don't talk. Or when she does things as using drugs, sneaking out, ect.... She told me to shut up that she doesn't care about what im feeling and how she wish she can just go back to her father's house! I didn't say anything back to her. Because she was raising her voice being so angry with me. The little ones had woke up. Gabby started to cry and Caitlin turn around telling her to shut up she whines to much and how they get on her nerves! I asked her to please calm down and do not talk to them that way. It's one thing to be mad at me but to take it out on her younger sibilings is not acceptable. We get home she refused to come inside. That was a fight! Than when she gets in she pushes me where i kinda hit the walll while I'm holding MaryKaye. Goes into her room slams the door shut. I just got the kids put back in bed. But to be honest I'm not sure if I should say anything more to her. I didn't know.she had this much rage in her. Im.not even sure how to handle this! It freaked me out with her being that way. I can't wait until she moves past all this! Over the top stressed!!!!!!!!
by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 12:29 AM
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hugss
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by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 12:40 AM

Where was she when she decided to sneakout?
Hugs to you :)

Quoting brookerenee45: Ok so I'm very beyond angry right now! My 14 dd decided to sneak out tonight!!!! So not only did I have to drag all the little ones out of bed to go look for her. She doesn't answer her cell! Her father calls her and she doesn't answer. I'm totally freaking out! Blood pressure probably is beyond what it needs to.We finally track her down by the tracking on her cell. Once again with a BOY! Smoking pot and drinking.Her father scares the boy off. Than ask her whats her problem?! Why can't she just talk about what's going on instead all this rebellion crap! She rolls her eyes and tells him she can make her decisions she's no kid. She wants us to get off her back. Her father tells her he will not put up with her attitude and disrespect. He grabs her and puts her in my van. Than tells me he can't handle this right now. He needs to cool off. He will come by my place tomorrow. We'll on the drive home I try asking Caitlin can she just tell me what she's feeling what's going on inside her. I really want to know. That I love her very much.But this behavior she's exhibiting will not get her the type of attention she wants. How i want to help her through the things she's feeling inside but I can't if she shuts me out and don't talk. Or when she does things as using drugs, sneaking out, ect.... She told me to shut up that she doesn't care about what im feeling and how she wish she can just go back to her father's house! I didn't say anything back to her. Because she was raising her voice being so angry with me. The little ones had woke up. Gabby started to cry and Caitlin turn around telling her to shut up she whines to much and how they get on her nerves! I asked her to please calm down and do not talk to them that way. It's one thing to be mad at me but to take it out on her younger sibilings is not acceptable. We get home she refused to come inside. That was a fight! Than when she gets in she pushes me where i kinda hit the walll while I'm holding MaryKaye. Goes into her room slams the door shut. I just got the kids put back in bed. But to be honest I'm not sure if I should say anything more to her. I didn't know.she had this much rage in her. Im.not even sure how to handle this! It freaked me out with her being that way. I can't wait until she moves past all this! Over the top stressed!!!!!!!!


brookerenee45
by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 12:47 AM
With a boy at this park.

Quoting hugss:

Where was she when she decided to sneakout?Hugs to you :)

Quoting brookerenee45: Ok so I'm very beyond angry right now! My 14 dd decided to sneak out tonight!!!! So not only did I have to drag all the little ones out of bed to go look for her. She doesn't answer her cell! Her father calls her and she doesn't answer. I'm totally freaking out! Blood pressure probably is beyond what it needs to.We finally track her down by the tracking on her cell. Once again with a BOY! Smoking pot and drinking.Her father scares the boy off. Than ask her whats her problem?! Why can't she just talk about what's going on instead all this rebellion crap! She rolls her eyes and tells him she can make her decisions she's no kid. She wants us to get off her back. Her father tells her he will not put up with her attitude and disrespect. He grabs her and puts her in my van. Than tells me he can't handle this right now. He needs to cool off. He will come by my place tomorrow. We'll on the drive home I try asking Caitlin can she just tell me what she's feeling what's going on inside her. I really want to know. That I love her very much.But this behavior she's exhibiting will not get her the type of attention she wants. How i want to help her through the things she's feeling inside but I can't if she shuts me out and don't talk. Or when she does things as using drugs, sneaking out, ect.... She told me to shut up that she doesn't care about what im feeling and how she wish she can just go back to her father's house! I didn't say anything back to her. Because she was raising her voice being so angry with me. The little ones had woke up. Gabby started to cry and Caitlin turn around telling her to shut up she whines to much and how they get on her nerves! I asked her to please calm down and do not talk to them that way. It's one thing to be mad at me but to take it out on her younger sibilings is not acceptable. We get home she refused to come inside. That was a fight! Than when she gets in she pushes me where i kinda hit the walll while I'm holding MaryKaye. Goes into her room slams the door shut. I just got the kids put back in bed. But to be honest I'm not sure if I should say anything more to her. I didn't know.she had this much rage in her. Im.not even sure how to handle this! It freaked me out with her being that way. I can't wait until she moves past all this! Over the top stressed!!!!!!!!

hugss
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by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 12:51 AM

Aww she needs to be grounded big time with follow up on that,
Hugs hon :)

Quoting brookerenee45: With a boy at this park.
Quoting hugss:

Where was she when she decided to sneakout?Hugs to you :)

Quoting brookerenee45: Ok so I'm very beyond angry right now! My 14 dd decided to sneak out tonight!!!! So not only did I have to drag all the little ones out of bed to go look for her. She doesn't answer her cell! Her father calls her and she doesn't answer. I'm totally freaking out! Blood pressure probably is beyond what it needs to.We finally track her down by the tracking on her cell. Once again with a BOY! Smoking pot and drinking.Her father scares the boy off. Than ask her whats her problem?! Why can't she just talk about what's going on instead all this rebellion crap! She rolls her eyes and tells him she can make her decisions she's no kid. She wants us to get off her back. Her father tells her he will not put up with her attitude and disrespect. He grabs her and puts her in my van. Than tells me he can't handle this right now. He needs to cool off. He will come by my place tomorrow. We'll on the drive home I try asking Caitlin can she just tell me what she's feeling what's going on inside her. I really want to know. That I love her very much.But this behavior she's exhibiting will not get her the type of attention she wants. How i want to help her through the things she's feeling inside but I can't if she shuts me out and don't talk. Or when she does things as using drugs, sneaking out, ect.... She told me to shut up that she doesn't care about what im feeling and how she wish she can just go back to her father's house! I didn't say anything back to her. Because she was raising her voice being so angry with me. The little ones had woke up. Gabby started to cry and Caitlin turn around telling her to shut up she whines to much and how they get on her nerves! I asked her to please calm down and do not talk to them that way. It's one thing to be mad at me but to take it out on her younger sibilings is not acceptable. We get home she refused to come inside. That was a fight! Than when she gets in she pushes me where i kinda hit the walll while I'm holding MaryKaye. Goes into her room slams the door shut. I just got the kids put back in bed. But to be honest I'm not sure if I should say anything more to her. I didn't know.she had this much rage in her. Im.not even sure how to handle this! It freaked me out with her being that way. I can't wait until she moves past all this! Over the top stressed!!!!!!!!


Ambear72
by Amber on Mar. 8, 2014 at 1:18 AM
1 mom liked this

 Tough love!!!  I would have called the cops on her.  I had so many problems with my son, with drugs and drinking.  I had to call the police on him.  In my state a child can get into trouble for hitting, or pushing a parent in a violent way.  My son ended up going to a Psych hospital, and ended up staying there for 4 months.  He really needed help that I could not give him.  Your daughter needs help, she needs some kind of counseling.  She is very angry and is on the road to distruction.  Im sorry you have to deal with all of this.  Good luck to you!

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Mar. 8, 2014 at 8:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Oh wow, I'm so sorry!  I went thru a similar thing with my daughter when she was a teenager, drinking, drugs, boys, sneaking out, etc.  Went thru a program called "STOP" (means something, can't recall) but honestly for the $$ we spent it wasn't worth it.  Tried a few other programs but again just not worth the $$.  The thing that really started to turn the tide was when SRS stepped in.  Two workers came to our home once a week to have sessions.  Those other programs with the other kids there - well, they all talked together and figured out how to work the system, to appease parents/caseworkers yet continue the drugs, etc. The SRS people coming to our home really did help.  Don't get me wrong, things didn't magically get better overnight and it took a while to earn back her trust.  Daughter continued on her rocky path and now, at age 33 (I know you probably didn't want to hear THAT!) she still has issues but at least we are past that "I hate you" and "shut up" phase ...

what you are facing is truly a phase ... but it's a tough long road ahead, is not going to be easy and it truly doesn't help you when her dad says "I can't deal with this now" - how lame.  I think you should seriously consider getting SRS involved in your situation and the sooner the better.

mamatink7
by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:04 AM

you both need to cool off and take a break before both do things or say things you will push her away even more.

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:10 AM
1 mom liked this
She needs to be on lockdown in the house. Also drug and alcohol awareness. I would call the police if she ran away.
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LEK19
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:19 AM

You definitely need some type of family counseling, alone and together. She is in a very angsty teen phase that many of us have had to deal with in one way or another. I hope she doesn't stay in it long and realizes that her family does love and care about her.

Stand firm on your house rules. As a family, you may need more intervention right now. Stick with it, seeking help, until she can connect in some way. 

rosebud727
by Rose on Mar. 8, 2014 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Those raging hormones are where a lot of that anger comes from, that and just growing up and feeling like they are not children anymore. It's hard to get some teens to calm down, they just seem to be on fire as soon as you start to engage in a conversation. A lot of times they don't even know why they are frustrated or angry. That has to be addressed first and foremost.

Her father tossing her in the van and then storming off sure didn't help the matter either. Nice that he left you holding the bag and the blame. He needs to come over and as a team sit her down and go over the rules of conduct in your households.

Consequences need to be set and then need to be adhered and to what you decide to hand out. Let her know, she runs off she'll very well end up in detention by breaking local curfews, drinking underage and smoking illegal substances. That you will let her sit in a detention facility until her arraignment and a judge or magistrate decides what course of action will be meted out.

I'm not one to state you must seek family counseling if there is huge resistance. The kids don't hear it and become more angry. They have to have some buy-in on those types of programs. That being said, finding a program or someone that your daughter feels comfortable with and respects would be helpful. This could be an Aunt, or a good friend of the family that has good logic and can help support both of you.

If you elect to seek a program out, talk to the school counselors and see what they suggest and recommend. If your not satisfied with their responses, your local hospital or teen center may have some good resources you can tap into.

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Mar. 8, 2014 at 1:21 PM

I  do agree that tough love needs to come into play here, but tough love does not usually involve screaming matches.  You and her father need to sit and talk and plan a strategy for tough love.  Set down the rules, the consequences and then follow through.  She seems to want to live at dad's - is there a reason that is not a possibility.  Can he and will he without being physical handle her.  No amount of you begging her or trying to rationalize with her right now is going to be much help - she has made up her mind that she knows best.  School should be a must, be it alternative or public, curfews should come into play and enforced with consequences if not adhered to, being drug free and undergoing random drug testing a must.  Controlling friends is hard - I have always found the more you object to a friend. the harder they hold on to them.  Sometimes distance does not make the heart grow fonder, so putting some distance between them might be helpful.  If this guy lives near you, maybe a move to dad's would help.  She should have responsibilities at home (though not necessarily baby tending.  At 14 she could and should be helping with keeping the house work done, maybe be in charge of preparing a couple meals. And if she doesn't adhere then the consequences you have outlined need to be enforced.  It will take time and patience, but tough love works, though admittedly it is harder  on the giver than the receiver.  Hugs to you.

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