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24 year old unmarried daughter pregnant and happy...

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:04 AM
  • 39 Replies

I just found out yesterday that my daughter is pregnant and thrilled.  She works 2 jobs at 2 different Burger Kings and has a loser boyfriend.  They live with another girl and her kids out of state. How can I be happy about this when she has NO business having a baby right now?!  Help-advice, opinions.  No mean comments, please!

by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:04 AM
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by Ronna on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:14 AM
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first off, welcome to our group! 

I understand how you feel - with years of experience under our belts, what we see our young adult children doing is sometimes hard to understand and handle. 

However, regardless of how you feel about your daughter having a baby right now is really beside the point - you say she is thrilled about it and that, to me, is awesome!  

The advice I'd give you is keep your feelings to yourself, give yourself some time and give your daughter the benefit of the doubt.  

by Susie on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:14 AM
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My dd is 23 and in better shape than your dd and I would be devastated if my dd found out she was pregnant.  I guess you have to make them responsible.  Tell them they had better get their act together fast.  They are not kids and are adults and now they need to act like one.  She needs to grow since they made an adult choice to have a baby and she is even happy about it.  Sounds planned to me. 

by Amy on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:18 AM

She is an adult and gets to make her own decisions.  You don't think she'll take care of her child?  I understand your worry, but give her a chance.  You're not at all excited about becoming a grandma?

My dd was 21 and still in college.  I was of course worried a little as well, but knew that it would be harmful to our relationship to convey that to her.  I am now gma to an awesome 2 year old boy and she's a great mama!  I guess what I'm trying to say is: what is voicing your concerns going to accomplish?  What is your solution to the "problem"?

by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:23 AM

I would say not to express your unhappiness with her. She is an adult & made the choice, the baby is coming. You can ask like, who is going to watch the baby, what plans she has, Is she going to cut back on her job/boyfriend going to get another one. Just go from there. 

Be happy for the baby in & of itself. Your going to be a grandma, and if you want to be a part of the baby's life, you will just have to hold things back & hope she will grow with this, and he will too. 

by Amber on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:34 AM
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I want to Welcome you to the group! It's great to have you here.

What's done is done. No one can change the fact that she is pregnant. You can be angry about it but it won't change anything. My niece is 16 and pregnant and tickled pink about it. Im not happy, and neither is her Mom. But what's done is done. So we have chosen to accept it. The baby didn't ask to be born, it's an innocent in the situation. Love the baby as best you can. Sometimes babys change people. My cousin was 22 and sad to say a slut. Drinking , smoking, sleeping with all kinds of guys. She got pregnant and dosnt know (still dosnt after 8 years and about 10 guys being tested). Who the father is. But I will tell you that little guy sure did wake her up. She stopped smoking, stopped the partying and is a fantastic Mom. She is now married and just had a 2nd baby. So hopefully your daughter will get her head together and be an awesome Mom. You can be there and show her you love her, and you don't have to like it or be happy about the situation. I hope things work out for the best.
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:44 AM

 She is an adult and it is her life. My step daughter was 19 when she got pregnant and her and her bf did not have a very good job, but she grew up and they got married and got better jobs and did good for themselves at the time.

by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 10:29 AM
Be happy just for the fact it is a grandkid.
There is nothing you can do by the choices she has made.
by Becky on Apr. 8, 2014 at 11:34 AM


Speaking from my own experience (dd was 19 when she got pregnant the first time, 20 when baby was born, no skills, no desire to do any better, and no future with the father), you just have to let her make her mistakes.  Quite honestly, I'd let her know that you're not thrilled about it yourself.  Just as she needs to make her mistakes, you need time to process it, and it's okay that you're not happy about it.  When we see our kids making decisions like this, it's hard to understand what the heck they're thinking.

In my case, she got pregnant again 2 years later, by another man, and I ended up with guardianship of both girls for about 2 1/2 years.  DD has since grown up a lot, has another child (boy, 5) with a different man, who she finally married about a year and a half ago.  

On the flipside, my grandchildren are great joys.  I can't imagine life without them.  I do love being a grandma!!

by Lisa on Apr. 8, 2014 at 11:49 AM

Welcome to the group! I understand why you are worried but what's done is done... the only thing left to do  is love that grandbaby like there is no tomorrow.

by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 11:56 AM
I don't think you can do anything about it. She already knows what you think. You and me and every parent since the dawn of time has trouble with our kids making poor decisions. We WERE "those kids" making our own decisions that our parents advised against.Look at your experiences with her so far- have you approved of any of her decisions so far? Working at Burger King, moving out of state, and so on? If you want a relationship with her, you don't have a lot of options here.
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