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UPDATE: Ooooo...I need to vent. (sorry if this gets long)

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:34 PM
  • 10 Replies

UPDATE: Ok we went today and spoke with her guidance councilor. (We love her she was a big help). We explained what was bothering DD and got it all straightened out.

* the moving out thing....The teacher is talking about the future like, "When you decide you don't want to live with your mom and dad anymore you will need to know all this stuff." The way DD took what she said was more of 'Right now you need to move out'.

* The failing comment was because DD hasn't been doing her homework. I can't get it out for her if she doesn't tell me she has it.

* Same with the reading. She saw the assignment as 'you must read a book' instead of 'as long as you read 30 minutes we don't care what you read.' (We'll see how that goes when the teacher actually see what she likes to read about online. Wrestling anyone?)

Also part of the problem that DD could tell me today infront of her Councilor but couldn't say on Friday, was the look the teacher was giving her is part of what made her feel uncomfortable. We think that is because she realized she got caught hoodwinking people.

It was also explained that the particular teacher is a kind of in your face person who cares about her students and it may just be that DD isn't seeing that she has her best interests at heart. I'm (and DD) willing to let it go for the time being and DD has been told to not be such a stranger in the office if she doesn't understand something. That's what the councilor is there for. Also we've come up with a way to get the homework thing straightened around. Back to the I sign the log and the aide signs the log to show that we both checked the homework folder. Hopefully this will straighten things out and we won't have another meltdown for the rest of the year.

 

Quick Back ground.... I have three kids aged 24, 20 and 19. The two younger kids are both girls with learning disabilities and the 20 year old is in a wheelchair due to Cerebral Palsy. Both girls have IEPs and are finishing up on high school right now. This vent has to do with the 20 year old.

DD#1 is a really smart kid who was painfully shy when she was younger. She took quite awhile to warm up to people and even though she has since found her voice, she still can get upset when someone criticizes her and she isn't allowed to say something about it. Because of her shyness when she was tested early on the scores came out lower than they should have. Because we were military at the time and moved around it was hard for her to warm up enough to shine. That is, until we got to Louisiana. We moved there towards the end of her Senior year. According to her last school she was to graduate with a Special Ed diploma. If you've never had to deal with Special Ed, let me tell you it's not worth the paper it's written on. All through the Junior High and High School DD#1 said that she wanted to go to college and study in the medical field. Kind of hard for her since her diagnosis is Spastic Quadriplegia, she can move but only really has the use of her left hand. Anyway, we were, at that time, okay with the Special Ed diploma because of her previous test scores.

Well during her Senior year we had to move again for dad's work and moved down to Louisiana. We went to register her in the new school and when they were trying to place her in classes so she could finish the year, they discovered that she hadn't been retested since elementary school. They decided to retest and when they did it was discovered that DD#1 is smarter than previously thought and felt that she could get a regular diploma on her own. They told us (something the previous school hadn't bothered to mention) that if She graduated with the Special Ed diploma, that IF she chose to go on to higher learning that she would have to get her GED in order to go to college. We also found out that if she decided to stay in school and start over, she could get a regular diploma before her 22nd birthday. It was her choice though. She decided to do it, as did her sister who also has learning disabilities.

She was doing great at her last school but we had to move again for dad's work and her new school has been great as well and she is still on track to graduate next year.

Now here comes the vent. (Thank you if you have made it this far)

I am fed up with one of her teachers. Thanks to an aide that DD#1 had in her first high school, DD#1 has a hard time trusting people. The woman was beyond annoying and because of what she did (We try not to talk about it anymore since it just upsets her) DD#1 has a hard time trusting people not from our family who try and tell her how to run her life.

*This new teacher has gone so far as to tell DD#1 that she should move out of her loving home and into an assisted living facility/ nursing home.

*She has told her that she needs to learn how to use public transit. (We live in an area that doesn't have a bus system)

*She has told her that she can't do anything for herself and that we baby her. (Duh, Genius, she can only use one arm and can't sit up on her own, but we don't baby her.) This woman  has just overstepped her boundaries beyond belief.

*When DD#1 took her English Graduation exam (she has accommodations for tests that include being read to due to eye sight tracking issues) this woman stuck her in the center of the room and read to her from across the room (no problem). When we got the test results back the teacher tried to take all the credit for DD#1's hard work. (test was on computer so DD#1 was able to make her own answers and she only missed by 15 points from passing). The sysem here is different then previous schools and she has been about to do something called Bridge Projects to pass that section. She only had to take the one section.

*She has told other students in front of DD#1 that she has failed my daughter before and if she could fail her, she could fail them. (Hilairious since DD#1 is a straight A honor student) Now the reason she 'failed' DD#1 is because DD#1 came in at the end of the year and due to coming from another state, hadn't been in her class all year and therefore wasn't able to pass the end of year exam due to differing curricula between the schools.

Today DD#1 came home from school and was quite upset when she got off the bus. This teacher (Who DD#1 doesn't even have any longer thanks to passing the exit exam) had started up again. Telling DD#1 again that she's being babied by us. (No we take care of her but she is far from babied) That she needs to learn about the bus and that she (the teacher) can still fail her. She also got on her about reading (DD#1 doesn't even have this teacher for reading and I talked to that teacher today and found out that she is very very happy  with DD#1's progress and that she is starting to exceed her IEP goals for reading)

DD#1 is absolutely anal about her grades. We've always been happy with whatever she could do. (Heck she's lived 15 years longer than they thought she would when she was born) She's the one that gets upset when her grades aren't where she wants them to be. If she brings home a 'B' when she's been getting an 'A' she has a panic attack. We've always asked if she tried her hardest, that if she has than we are happy.

Anyway, just needed to get that out. Monday morning I will be going into the school to talk with the guidance councilor about this teacher (from the feeling in the room when we have an IEP and that teacher is there, I don't think anyone likes her.) I don't expect her to move DD#1 from the class this late inthe year but I just want to get it out there so that they can keep DD#1 out of her class next year. Poor kid deserves a fun Senior year after going through high school TWICE! Trying to talk to this teacher is like trying to talk to a perverbial brick wall. Oh and please don't start about her being a snowflake. DD#1 is far from a snowflake LOL... Ask and I will happily tell you about some of the things she's done. Thanks again for reading, sorry it got so long.

by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovegrandbaby
by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 9:09 PM

I totally understand your frustration.  Most teachers, administrators, aides, etc do not have a clue how to teach special needs children, much less understand them and their illnesses, etc.  You are so right about talking to a brick wall.  After all, what do you know?  You are only the parent, and don't ever tell them they don't know what they are doing.  That irritates them more and they call the police or Child Protective Services on you.  I spread the word about these schools and teachers.  I now turn my cell phone video on before I enter my ds school, as I have witnessed disgusting behavior on the part of the staff towards and about students.  I plan on getting it on video and putting it on you tube, and other social media sites.  I think more people need to see what really happens to our children.  Good luck.

jabs54
by Jeanine on Apr. 25, 2014 at 9:26 PM

Wow.  How dare she criticize your parenting to her.  The first time she said you were babying her I would have marched in there and took the teacher aside and told her in no uncertain terms if she has a problem with your parenting she is to talk to YOU, not your dd.  Good luck on Monday.  If the father is involved I would have him come with you.  Keep us posted.

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 9:28 PM

 I am sorry your DD is going thru this.  Good grief, you would think they would recognized a happy, well functioning young adult and not meddle.  I really dislike most public schools.  My sister is a special education teacher and used to teach in a small little mountain town.  They all loved her there, and she loved those children.  She taught first thru 8th - it was that small.  She recently moved to a big city and says they make it impossible for her to do her job and is really disheartened by the whole system.  I hope your dd hangs in there!!!  Mom too!

chefmartha
by Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 1:28 AM

I think what ticks me off the most is that she seems to think this is my first rodeo or something. I've actually been dealing with the this in one way or another for about 20 years, starting with her older brother. DD#1 is actually only in Special Ed for support. She's in all regular classes and is passing them with an 'A' or higher. Wierd thing is DD#1 is liked by everyone including the principal so I really don't understand this woman's problem. I've also noticed that DD#1 seems to have had problems only with teacher's with last names that start with 'H' with the exception of one, her current reading teacher.  

Quoting lovegrandbaby:

I totally understand your frustration.  Most teachers, administrators, aides, etc do not have a clue how to teach special needs children, much less understand them and their illnesses, etc.  You are so right about talking to a brick wall.  After all, what do you know?  You are only the parent, and don't ever tell them they don't know what they are doing.  That irritates them more and they call the police or Child Protective Services on you.  I spread the word about these schools and teachers.  I now turn my cell phone video on before I enter my ds school, as I have witnessed disgusting behavior on the part of the staff towards and about students.  I plan on getting it on video and putting it on you tube, and other social media sites.  I think more people need to see what really happens to our children.  Good luck.

 

chefmartha
by Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 1:35 AM

Dad is involved and she is such a Daddy's girl. Of our three DD#1 seems to be the most adult of the group. LOL... As for the teacher, we've been encouraging DD#1 to speak up for herself, but she feels the teacher is do some respect as an adult and won't talk back. Dad's out of town right now or we would be skipping the councilor's office and going straight to the principal. However he will be back by Wednesday and DD#1's annual IEP is set for 5/5, I may try and get him to this one depending on the work load.

When I told my mom about this she pointed out that the teacher is bullying DD#1 so I definitely will be speaking up. I personally was in 8th grade before I was able to stand up to a teacher who was a bully. I had hoped that DD#1 would be able to stand up for herself but she's just not able to yet. The teacher had better hold on to her girdle 'cause momma bear is coming. 

Quoting jabs54:

Wow.  How dare she criticize your parenting to her.  The first time she said you were babying her I would have marched in there and took the teacher aside and told her in no uncertain terms if she has a problem with your parenting she is to talk to YOU, not your dd.  Good luck on Monday.  If the father is involved I would have him come with you.  Keep us posted.

 

chefmartha
by Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 1:42 AM

 Thanks. We've had some great teachers over the years and some really rotten ones. When they've been great DD#1 has really shined so I know when it's a teacher and not the child. Shoot DD#1 is friends with the last two aides she had at her last two schools, and they are pissed that she's being treated this way. The school she is at right now has a zero tolerance for bullying and when some of our previous problems were brought up (Like the trust issue DD has due to a former aide) they let us know to bring it to them if we see it. I think they mostly expected it could come from the students and not the teacher. My fear is that if the teacher keeps this up it will turn DD off to school and she won't want to try college like she's been saying.

Quoting Maddie24:

 I am sorry your DD is going thru this.  Good grief, you would think they would recognized a happy, well functioning young adult and not meddle.  I really dislike most public schools.  My sister is a special education teacher and used to teach in a small little mountain town.  They all loved her there, and she loved those children.  She taught first thru 8th - it was that small.  She recently moved to a big city and says they make it impossible for her to do her job and is really disheartened by the whole system.  I hope your dd hangs in there!!!  Mom too!

 

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Apr. 26, 2014 at 8:34 AM

I would not be happy either.

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Apr. 26, 2014 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter.  Can you speak to the school principal and let it be known how you feel about the things this teacher is telling your daughter?

chefmartha
by Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 9:22 PM

 I spoke with her councilor at the begining of the school year about it and that we felt there could be a problem, but the teacher (while annoying) hadn't made DD cry, until yesterday that is. I'm going to Talk to the councilor and see if she thinks speaking with the prinicipal would be useful. DD is a really sweet kid and has a hard time sticking up for herself, it may be that she just needs me or her dad there as back up when she tells the teacher to stop. I think she's worried about getting in trouble for talking back. I, myself, had to do it in 8th grade and was lucky enough that not only did my mom back me up but so did the principal. The nice thing here is that everyone but this one teacher really love DD. I really hate teachers that are this way.

Quoting DesignGirl450:

I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter.  Can you speak to the school principal and let it be known how you feel about the things this teacher is telling your daughter?

 

chefmartha
by Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 9:25 PM

Thanks. I plan on going higher if I need to. She really doesn't want my DH to get involved with this. He did in the past for another problem we had with a different teacher and she didn't like the fact that the principal agreed with us. At least that time the problem ended. I hope DD doesn't get this teacher again next year for anything because DD deserves to have a really great Senior Senior year. ;) 

Quoting mrs.Emm1:

I would go higher up than the school principal if you don't get any resolution from the school. That teacher has a problem, she needs to be reprimanded for her behavior before she hurts another child.  Hugs to your daughter, she sounds like a wonderful child.

 

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