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Young Adult Kids and Rules

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 12:27 AM
  • 19 Replies

My husband, daughter and I watched a segment on Today Show about so many 20's and 30's kids returning to live at home as they can't find a job, especially those with large student loan debt.  The topic came up as to house rules at mom and dad's.  As Cassidy is now back from living abroad for a year and going back to school in September, we fall into this category.  We don't give her a curfew, but do have some rules to follow, as in keeping her room and bathroom tidy as we see those as well.  Also, she has my former car to drive, but she needs to use her own money for gas.  She is to help me with any chores or housework I ask her to do when she is free.   

Do any of you in this situation have rules your young adults at home have to follow?

by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 12:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Ambear72
by Amber on Jun. 25, 2014 at 12:37 AM

Im not in that situation, but if my son does come home,  he will have the same kind of rules your daughter has.  If he isnt working he will have to earn his keep by doing things around the house. 

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by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 12:46 AM

I do not fall into that situation,
Good luck with dd :)

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Jun. 25, 2014 at 6:34 AM

I think if your daughter (or any young adult) is respectful and willing to be a "member of the team" then it should work, and from what you've said about Cassidy, she sounds very mature for her age. 

My young adult daughter was quite a handful until she finally moved out at age 26, but I had no CM or MWAK friends to "help" me through those tumultous years!!

I had no curfew for her.  She was employed most of those years so that wasn't an issue but she was just awful with managing her money and for several years she would give me her paycheck and I'd give her an allowance - or else she'd cash her paycheck and blow it all.  When she was 18 I bought her a brand new car - I co-signed the note for her and she had a good job so was making car and insurance payments (thanks to my help with her paychecks) but she got several traffic tickets and had several fender-benders and it didnt' take long and her insurance tripled and she couldn't afford both car and insurance payment, so I took over the car payments, kept track of how much she owed me.  A couple years later her insurance finally came back down and she was excited about that - her insurance payment was now just a tick less than her car payment - but she still couldn't afford both - so I took over the insurance payment and made her make the car payment, still keeping track of how much she "owed" me.  I've since forgotten how much that is and she never has made an effort to pay me back.  Plus she was drinking a LOT, and actually stole some of my jewelry to sell for cash for booze - but I didn't know it until later - and then she was getting DUIs - I paid her bail, for her attorney etc, (REMEMBER, THERE WAS NO MWAK TO HELP ME BACK THEN).  Then when I ran out of money, my parents pitched in to help - and to this day she has not made any effort to pay us back.  And when I bring it up - about paying grandpa back (I pretty much have written off what she owes me) - she clams up and says, "I have to go."   she'll be 34 next month and still struggles with managing her money.  It irks me when she calls to tell me about her new purse, or new shoes, or new whatever that she just bought, yet can't/won't forgo those and start paying my dad back, or me.  She still drinks and you know that can get expensive too, not to mention she now weighs about 240 pounds and is pre-diabetic, has high blood pressure, etc. 

Hey, at least she doesn't live with me any more - it could be worse!  lol.

caro100
by Carol on Jun. 25, 2014 at 6:54 AM

Yes, but it is hard to get them to follow them.  I am trying to get them to help with chores and the going is hard

mumsy2three
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:06 AM

I'm not currently in that situation but before my dd moved out on her own the rules were to be gainfully employed or in some type of schooling. We didn't really have a curfew for her, just that she didn't wake us up, well wake me up, when coming home. No drinking/drugs in my house. No smoking cigarettes in my house. She cleaned her room, laundry and up after herself in other living areas of the house, that has been so since she was a child/teen. I can't really think of anything else right now.

harmony7
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:43 AM

 We have boomerang kids from time to time. My 24 year old just moved out again after being home for about 9 months.

Our rules are the same as they were in highschool Everyone participates in chores and yard work. They do their own laundry and Must keep things picked up after themselves or I have been known to hunt you down lol.... If they dont like what I am serving for a meal they may go out to eat. There is no such thing as I bought this for myself and it is mine...if it is in my pantry or fridge it is Ours.... If they are working they can either pay me or work off the cost of staying here and if no job they must work it off with extra chores. I have a small mini farm and we always have things that need done.

Small house so No one sleeps all day. They are to be respectful and kind to each other. My kids are not partiers or drinkers and they dont smoke so that has never come up. They also would Never bring someone home to spend the night...that would so Not go well and they know that.

Works for us and since we dont do disrepect and slacking from the get go of their life there are no surprises for them. ...if they dont like it they certainly have the option of finding somewhere else to go...but so far no one has done that :)

Pam in Alabama
A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with five still at home
Maime13
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:05 AM
And this is why we need a book on how to parent adult children! LOL

For a true boomerang "kid", well they are an adult and I would guess you can't really make rules for an adult. Since they have left and come back, I would expect them to act more like a long term guest in the sense that they should pitch in but not be overly comfortable. I would ask for common courtesy.

I would also need a timeline for there departure along with a solid plan to make it happen.

A college student to me, is still a kid no matter what the age number. In that sense I would be more comfortable with "rules" that pertain more to the framework of the house functioning than the micromanagement of the young adult's life.
II haven't crossed this bridge yet, but my special needs teen is probably going to make me.
MomofGrown1
by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:30 AM

 I agree with those rules, but I would modify the curfew just so I had an idea of when she might return. I tend to be a worry-wart, and it eases my mind. I would also like to know if she would be home for dinner so I had an idea of how many to expect. I think your rules should work as long as she is not always "busy" and can't help with whatever you ask. It sounds like she's a good kid, and I really don't foresee you having any problems.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:37 AM

My 23 yo and 20 yo live at home.  They must be respectful.  No curfew whatsoever.  If they are gonna be home super late or not at all they tell us.  That is about all we ask.  If they will be home for dinner they need to let me know in the morning or take their chances or cook their own food. 

gr8d8n3mom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:47 AM

Yes, when my younger daughter graduated H.S. she stopped college after the first yr. b/c she didn't know what she wanted to do. She had a job since her sr. yr in h.s.(they moved her to full time)

So the rule was she could live rent free if she was in college, but if not she was to pay $50 a week rent(included food etc) she was to keep her room clean, and the spare bathroom clean, & help me around the house, she also had a dog since she was in 11 grade and when she was home she was to help take care of all 3 dogs, as I was taking care of them when she wasn't home. We gave her a curfew b/c DH gets up early for work and when the dogs hear anyone late they all bark and wake him. (1.AM week nights discretion on weekends)

She paid her own cell phone bill on our plan, & her car insurance on with ours,we gave her a car. She was responsible for her own gas. Any maintenance my DH could do mostly, DH showed her how to change her own oil to save her money, which she proudly did,(even put it on her F.B, her first time!) Anything out side of the normal house hold stuff that she wanted she paid for, other wise she would put it on the grocery list (if you know what I mean)

She moved out at 20 to go help her sister babysit and house keep,(they are like oil & water,) she then moved in with my parents, now at 22 is living with a guy. (I'll spare you all THOSE details!) Unfortunately she hasn't gone back to college :(

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