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MY SON IN LAW SAYS I TREAT HIM LIKE A CHILD

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2014 at 7:51 PM
  • 24 Replies

Okay, so he isn't my son in law yet, but has been living with my daughter for almost nine years.  He has a problem with MY age.  I am 49 and he is 42, my daughter is 31.  He says I treat him like a child.  I don't see it.  The only time I talked to him like he was a child he and my daughter both deserved it.  From lack of communication my daughter almost aborted their baby.  Yes, I was mad.  Yes, I shook my finger at both of them, and yes, I shouted the damn house down.  It saved a llife.  I have no regrets.  Beyond that I try to speak to him like an adult.  My daughter is an adult and makes her own decisions. 

He is constantly baiting me for a fight and insulting.  He constantly challenges my political and spiritual beliefs.  So what?  He is entitied to his opinion.  But why is this all my fault?  For isnstance, I went to baby sit for 21 days because he and my daughter were both working 21 days in a row and needed help with the kids.  I got lonely.  I cried because I missed my husband.  I never saw them.  I didn't know anyone down there.  I didn't have anyone to talk to but three kids.  He asks me why I'm crying and I told him I missed my husband, I missed my dogs.  He snorts with disgust and says, "I'm glad I'm not so dependent on one person that I'd fall apart just being away for awhile."

My daughter just pleads with me to ignore him or 'try to get along'. What the hell am I supposed to do?

by on Jul. 6, 2014 at 7:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Jul. 6, 2014 at 7:57 PM

Gosh.  He spoke to you very improperly when you were upset about being away from your home for so long.  Since you were so unhappy, you probably should have opted out of the babysitting once you realized it and told them to hire someone so you could go home. But for him to talk to you, his MIL to be, so rudely was way out of line.

As for your actions in your first paragraph. It seems to me that you were in the right, you are the Mom, MIL, for goodness sake. It is your duty to express yourself.

PogoPalOj
by Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 I was three hours away from home, and no matter how shitty he is; he WILL NOT keep me from my grandchildren.

Quoting Bmat:

Gosh.  He spoke to you very improperly when you were upset about being away from your home for so long.  Since you were so unhappy, you probably should have opted out of the babysitting once you realized it and told them to hire someone so you could go home. But for him to talk to you, his MIL to be, so rudely was way out of line.

As for your actions in your first paragraph. It seems to me that you were in the right, you are the Mom, MIL, for goodness sake. It is your duty to express yourself.

; hi 

EireLass
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 8:36 PM
1 mom liked this
I would ignore him, but I would never tolerate anyone being disrespectful.
jabs54
by Jeanine on Jul. 6, 2014 at 8:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow, you babysat at their house for 21 days and this is how he talks to you?!

I can't stand it when people challenge my religious or political beliefs.  I feel no one should do that.  I don't do it to anyone and I expect the same respect.  I would tell him you will not engage in any political or religious talk with him the next time he does it and walk away.  If he can't be civil to you I would tell your dd you will only babysit the kids at YOUR house.

PogoPalOj
by Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 8:48 PM

 Well, they are getting married in September and going to the Bahamas for ten days.  Kids will be in school and I will be there WITHOUT him so, I'm looking forward to it.  I think some of his hostility comes from comparing me to his mom.  He actually went deaf for a year because his mom didn't clean his ears or take him to the doctor.   She was flaky as hell and constantly moved in with one boyfriend after another.  On the other hand I was also a single parent close to his mom's age and gave my daughter a stable home.  Plus his mom doesn't want to do anything with the kids without him and my daughter there.  Besides she lives in Florida and they live in Texas.  His mom came up and stayed with the kids once and from what I understand it didn't go well.

Quoting jabs54:

Wow, you babysat at their house for 21 days and this is how he talks to you?!

I can't stand it when people challenge my religious or political beliefs.  I feel no one should do that.  I don't do it to anyone and I expect the same respect.  I would tell him you will not engage in any political or religious talk with him the next time he does it and walk away.  If he can't be civil to you I would tell your dd you will only babysit the kids at YOUR house.

 

jabs54
by Jeanine on Jul. 6, 2014 at 8:51 PM


Quoting PogoPalOj:

 Well, they are getting married in September and going to the Bahamas for ten days.  Kids will be in school and I will be there WITHOUT him so, I'm looking forward to it.  I think some of his hostility comes from comparing me to his mom.  He actually went deaf for a year because his mom didn't clean his ears or take him to the doctor.   She was flaky as hell and constantly moved in with one boyfriend after another.  On the other hand I was also a single parent close to his mom's age and gave my daughter a stable home.  Plus his mom doesn't want to do anything with the kids without him and my daughter there.  Besides she lives in Florida and they live in Texas.  His mom came up and stayed with the kids once and from what I understand it didn't go well.

Quoting jabs54:

Wow, you babysat at their house for 21 days and this is how he talks to you?!

I can't stand it when people challenge my religious or political beliefs.  I feel no one should do that.  I don't do it to anyone and I expect the same respect.  I would tell him you will not engage in any political or religious talk with him the next time he does it and walk away.  If he can't be civil to you I would tell your dd you will only babysit the kids at YOUR house.


Are the children his?  How does he treat them and your dd?  I can't imagine he treats them any better than he treats you.  I would be worried sick if my dd dated someone like that.

Bmat
by Barb on Jul. 6, 2014 at 8:52 PM

Have a wonderful time staying with the children in Sept.

I can see where he might have a "thing" against mom-types after his experiences with his own mom, but you are nothing like that.

Quoting PogoPalOj:

 Well, they are getting married in September and going to the Bahamas for ten days.  Kids will be in school and I will be there WITHOUT him so, I'm looking forward to it.  I think some of his hostility comes from comparing me to his mom.  He actually went deaf for a year because his mom didn't clean his ears or take him to the doctor.   She was flaky as hell and constantly moved in with one boyfriend after another.  On the other hand I was also a single parent close to his mom's age and gave my daughter a stable home.  Plus his mom doesn't want to do anything with the kids without him and my daughter there.  Besides she lives in Florida and they live in Texas.  His mom came up and stayed with the kids once and from what I understand it didn't go well.

Quoting jabs54:

Wow, you babysat at their house for 21 days and this is how he talks to you?!

I can't stand it when people challenge my religious or political beliefs.  I feel no one should do that.  I don't do it to anyone and I expect the same respect.  I would tell him you will not engage in any political or religious talk with him the next time he does it and walk away.  If he can't be civil to you I would tell your dd you will only babysit the kids at YOUR house.



PogoPalOj
by Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 8:57 PM

 Actually my two oldest granchildren love him dearly.  My daughter says she is happy and I see him treating them all well.  HIs only problem is with me.

Quoting jabs54:

Quoting PogoPalOj:

 Well, they are getting married in September and going to the Bahamas for ten days.  Kids will be in school and I will be there WITHOUT him so, I'm looking forward to it.  I think some of his hostility comes from comparing me to his mom.  He actually went deaf for a year because his mom didn't clean his ears or take him to the doctor.   She was flaky as hell and constantly moved in with one boyfriend after another.  On the other hand I was also a single parent close to his mom's age and gave my daughter a stable home.  Plus his mom doesn't want to do anything with the kids without him and my daughter there.  Besides she lives in Florida and they live in Texas.  His mom came up and stayed with the kids once and from what I understand it didn't go well.

Quoting jabs54:

Wow, you babysat at their house for 21 days and this is how he talks to you?!

I can't stand it when people challenge my religious or political beliefs.  I feel no one should do that.  I don't do it to anyone and I expect the same respect.  I would tell him you will not engage in any political or religious talk with him the next time he does it and walk away.  If he can't be civil to you I would tell your dd you will only babysit the kids at YOUR house.

 

Are the children his?  How does he treat them and your dd?  I can't imagine he treats them any better than he treats you.  I would be worried sick if my dd dated someone like that.

 

Justamon
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 10:50 AM

First off, I wish I had you as a mother-in-law, mine was wretched. Second, it seems that your SIL does have issues with you as a "mom" -  it seems he feels threatened by your presence. 

I once visited my daughter and son-in-law, and while I was there all they did was fight. I kept my mouth shut until he body checked her into a corner. I could not believe what I had witnessed. Believe me I spoke out, and spoke out loud. A month later, she called in tears asking me to come get her because she was tired of hurting. I drove as fast as I could - 8 hrs to get her only to be told I was interferring in her marriage. I could do no right despite her calling me all the time crying, asking for advice. His lies were believed, his threats to commit suicide if she left were believed. We no longer speak, her choice, but I pray everyday that she will call....and be strong, her husband was abused, so it continues.. I tried everything to include him into our lives...he chose not to be included...there was nothing I could do but pray. 

Your SIL seems threatened by your presence, and that is why he lashes out at you, bates you. Maybe, the three of you can sit down without the kids, and really talk it out...you might need a counselor to help, but maybe he can see that you are not there to undermine him, to dictate or give them motherly advice. You did, in essence, step into their lives with the decision regarding the baby, but I too would have done the very same thing. Maybe they would understand that you will only voice your concerns on life altering changes that put anyone in harms way, but anything else, you are there to support them, love ALL of them and will help when you can. 

I really think he feels threatened...it's like he is a 6 year old little boy just wanting to know he is accepted and loved by a "mom" because apparently he was never been loved by his mom. 

Prayers to all of you....

Fayanne
by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 10:59 AM

 ignore him

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