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How do you crush your child's dream without crushing them?

Posted by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 4:05 PM
  • 22 Replies

Most of you know of Andrew's disabilities. You also know of his on again off again obsession with all things "Army". Lately he has been talking more and more about how he is going to join the Army when he is 18 and become a soldier. 

What do I do? Do I let it go and hope he eventually moves away from it? What if he does move away from it and then it comes back at a later time? How do I explain to him that he will never be accepted because of his low IQ?  ARG why does being a parent have to be so damn hard sometimes?!

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by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 4:05 PM
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by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 5:16 PM
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I've had to deal with this for 24 years now with my DD.  I found that what works best for us, and her, is to just tell her the truth.  I've always been realistic and honest with her about her capabilites.  But, when telling her something that she can't do, I'd always offer up 2-3 things that she could do.  That way I was instantly steering her in another direction where she probably wouldn't fail.

by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 5:20 PM
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Well you could point out that they are cutting the armed forces down and that the requirments are much higher.  He has to take the asvab test and if he doesn't score high enough, you don't get in.  Take him to the recuiters office and let them talk to him.  Then they docthe crushing, not you.

by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 5:31 PM

My son is low iq and tried to get into the army but cannot pass the test. He was very frustrated and mad me sad. He finally went to California to live with his sister and is working and planning on college. It all works out. Zach still wants to join, so I hope he will pass someday. 

by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 5:54 PM

You could let him try to take the test, in the mean time try to guide him toward other interest.

by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 6:41 PM

  I know, it really stinks when you would love for them to do what they love. Just last month, our son was tested to get his CDL. Unfortunately, his vision will make it impossible. I felt so bad. Everything he would like to do would benefit from him having it. On to plan B.

by Louann on Jul. 20, 2014 at 7:01 PM

I honestly don't know what to tell you.  My heart goes out to you.  Maybe one day he will grow out of wanting to go.  I don't know that I would say anything if he were my son.  I'd just wait and probably see what the future held.  Hugs to you Lisa!!!  Hugs to you both

by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 7:02 PM

I think the truth would be the best because if you don't, it could always come back around. I come from the thought process of, you really aren't to do anything & everything. You are to do the thing you are meant to do. Explain that there is a test, and there is a minimum score, not everyone passes the minimum score. 

by Group Admin on Jul. 20, 2014 at 8:45 PM
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He has a few more years to go yet before really making such a decision. He may be able to understand and realize better then. There is nothing wrong with him having an interest at this time.

We all have had interests that have come and gone. I wouldn't feel the need to quelch it just yet. Does your school have an ROTC program? Maybe he could learn more that way about what it takes.

If he is asking about the requirements then he is probably old enough to handle being told what they are. If he is not asking then I would wait until he does.

by Susie on Jul. 21, 2014 at 2:30 AM
I was always honest with mine. If something was out of reach I would say so. He isn't alone. I read something that 3 out of 4 eligible teens and 20 somethings cannot join the service.
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by Platinum Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 5:37 AM
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I would probably just talk him through it. Things like....

He has to take a test to be accepted, does he think he can pass that test? Maybe he should think about going to a community college before trying for the military to help him in taking that test? 

I wouldn't point out his low IQ, per se. That would be crushing, IMO.  

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