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Frustrated with the laziness of my 19 year old daughter

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:47 PM
  • 16 Replies


Frustrated that the only thing my daughter is interested to preserving or being dilligent about to being in communication with her so called boyfriend!!!

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:47 PM
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by Ronna on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:49 PM
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Welcome to Moms with Adult Kids.  to be perfectly honest, if this is the ONLY thing that frustrates you about your 19-year-old daughter, then you are doing really well! 

On a more serious side, though, 19 is still young.  Remember, she's a brand new adult.  She doesn't have much time under her belt of being an adult yet.  Time will heal her of this affliction, trust me.  LOL.

On the other hand, if it is interfering with the rest of her life - work, school, personal hygiene, etc., then yes i would consider it a problem.

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 4:19 PM
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If your 19 yo daughter is not working or going to school she needs to move out. If she is progressing toward independence by working, saving money, paying some rent or going to school then what she does with her free time is up to her.

Our son was being really lazy and spending all his part time income  on video games so we just had to boot him out. He would sleep all day, play video games and watch movies all night and work a meesley 15-20 hours a week which he spent on more video games. It is so freeing now that he is gone and learning the hard way! 

by Dixie on Jul. 23, 2014 at 4:23 PM
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Welcome to cafemom and especially Mom's With Adult Kids. Like Ronna said, if that's the worst thing, you are doing great. I remember when I was that way. I was 17, when I was with my first love, and he was all I could think about. When a girl has her first love, that happens. Your lucky, that you don't have more problems. A lot of moms do. She is really young, and as she grows, things will change. You never know if this boy could be the right one. I met my husband when I was twenty two, and I had no idea, he was the right one. My husband found cafemom for me, and thought I would like it. I was addicted to it, before the end of the first week. We have really nice moms in this group. We all help each other or just talk. It's a great group, and I hope you stay. If you need advice, we will try and if we need advice, you can try to help us. I'm glad you are here. My name is Dixie.

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:10 PM
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welcome I'm coffee mom I'm new too, and I have 3 daughters, my older daughter was doing the same now I have a lot problems with her because i never give responsibilities at this age they only listen their friends, i was focus what she was doing wrong but i never give chores to do i let her do wherever and my other two daughters i keep they busy after school in sport, volunteer,if they want to go out they room need to be clean that is the things I wont did with my older daughter now I'm paying the consequences no is too late for you try to talk to her without judge and listen to her always be her friend but at the same time be a parent they don't like you talk to much  be patient good luck LOL

by Lisa on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:00 PM
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Does she work, help around the house and with bills? If yes, then try not to stress about it too much. She will eventually grow out of her obsession with him. I know easier said than done. If she is living at home and not contributing at all, it is time to set down some rules and stick to them.

Welcome to the group btw!

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:47 PM

Thanks so much ladies I appreciated all of the insight fullness.  Here is the thing though, she went to college and blew off a whole year of school, not to mention a full scholarship.  The only thing she has to show for that year is a boyfriend, partying, loss of her virginity and contracted a life long disease from this boyfriend!!  We do live in a desolate place, so jobs are hard to get, however if she really was hustling to find one it could be done.  She has isolated herself so much that she has no friends, only HIM whom she makes every attempt to be in contact with.  Did I mention he's 22 and graduated and live in Virginia where she went to school????   Her father and I are so concerned but are at a loss to what to do as she is considered and adult!!!   

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:58 PM
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Well I too had a son who "went to college" We found out at the end of the year that he never went to classes and did not pay the school his tuition! He was told he could not move home and that he would have to pay the school the 15K they were asking for. He moved around for 2 years between his uncle's and brothers, finally moving 3000 miles away and getting a great job and doing school part time. All on his own has paid most if his debt. Moving home only perpetuates the mistakes and bad habits that have been happening. At some point they will figure it out, but not with your "help." It is a gift you should give your children to get them out of your house.
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:33 PM
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I don't feel throwing them out is the best, idea always. Idk it's a crazy world out there.
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by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 1:20 AM
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If she is still living at home and not working that probablly means you're paying her phone bill? Easy solution,you have controll over that phone and can block numbers. Tell she limits the time on the phone and gets out of the house and looks for a job or the no more phone calls to boyfriend!  And she dosen't like that, tell her to go get a job or go back to school and pay for her own phone,rent ect.

by Rose on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:50 AM

Welcome to the group. Your daughter is at that weird age where she wants to still be a kid, but she's and adult and she hasn't made the attempt to jump to the next hurdle.

So your frustrated, but you don't specify what exactly you want from her. Sit down with her and lay out those plans. Be firm, and concise. Do you want her to go to school?

Does she want to go to college or a trade school? Help her figure this out. I find it amusing that parents think that kids should immediately move out if they don't want to go to college but have no means to support themselves.

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