Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

She wont let me cook

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 4:53 PM
  • 20 Replies
1 mom liked this

I'm visiting my son and his family for 3 weeks.  I'm supposed to be here to help with the new baby - my timing was awesome and she arrived on my 2nd day here!  My 22 month old grandson is finally warming up to me again (he hasn't seen me since February) but isn't ready to go to the playground or anything with me so mommy can rest.  They are mostly taking care of the newborn, bonding and getting schedules - although I do get a little grandma time in!  But my daughter-in-law insists on cooking all the meals, doing all the laundry, and everything else - I do pick up the toys throughout the day so we aren't constantly tripping all over them.  I just feel kinda useless...

My daughter-in-law is from Thailand, and wants to treat me as her guest, which I get, but I want her to get her rest while she can.  When I go home and my son goes back to work, she's going to be here with both children all by herself.  Maybe I should let her go and not press the issue.  She may feel she needs to be able to do it all now because she has to be able to do it all later...

by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 4:53 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
AmaliaD
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 4:58 PM
2 moms liked this
When did she move here? Maybe explain our culture, say I'm here as your guest but I'm also here to serve your needs. I want it to be easier for you, not create more work, in the u.s, we like to take care of moms when they have new babies. Neighbors bring cooked meals. People who wouldn't normally babysit offer. And grandmas stay with the family and do laundry, cook, meals, let the new mom nap. If she still refuses put your feet up.
reinydawn
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 5:10 PM

She's only been in the states a little over a year and hasn't acclimated much - she has no friends and has failed the driving test a few times because she says "That's how we do it in Thailand".  She keeps a lot of night hours because that's when people she knows from home are awake.

When they asked me to come out here to help, I was glad to have the opportunity (we live on opposites coasts).  When we would talk, she'd says she would cook for me all these great Thai meals (which I love!) but I kept telling her I was coming to take care of her.  I keep offering to help, asking what I can do, but I don't want to be rude and force myself on her.  She had to have  c-section, so I want to make sure she's taking care of herself too.

Quoting AmaliaD: When did she move here? Maybe explain our culture, say I'm here as your guest but I'm also here to serve your needs. I want it to be easier for you, not create more work, in the u.s, we like to take care of moms when they have new babies. Neighbors bring cooked meals. People who wouldn't normally babysit offer. And grandmas stay with the family and do laundry, cook, meals, let the new mom nap. If she still refuses put your feet up.


DixieL
by Dixie on Jul. 25, 2014 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Congratulations on your new granddaughter. Since you can't make her let you help, then just enjoy your grandkids. Your son knows that you came to help. I know that people from different countries, do things differently that we do. Mabye in her mind, since you are older, she is supposed to do all the work, and you are supposed to enjoy yourself with your grandkids. Have a good time with them. My son has been married for five years and my daughter-in-law doesn't want any kids, so I am afraid I won't get any. Enjoy them and have fun.

reinydawn
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 5:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks!  I am enjoying the visit, but just feel guilty.

Never say never!  Everyone can change their minds!  I wish you luck!

Quoting DixieL:

Congratulations on your new granddaughter. Since you can't make her let you help, then just enjoy your grandkids. Your son knows that you came to help. I know that people from different countries, do things differently that we do. Mabye in her mind, since you are older, she is supposed to do all the work, and you are supposed to enjoy yourself with your grandkids. Have a good time with them. My son has been married for five years and my daughter-in-law doesn't want any kids, so I am afraid I won't get any. Enjoy them and have fun.


DixieL
by Dixie on Jul. 25, 2014 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting reinydawn:

Thanks!  I am enjoying the visit, but just feel guilty.

Never say never!  Everyone can change their minds!  I wish you luck!

Quoting DixieL:

Congratulations on your new granddaughter. Since you can't make her let you help, then just enjoy your grandkids. Your son knows that you came to help. I know that people from different countries, do things differently that we do. Mabye in her mind, since you are older, she is supposed to do all the work, and you are supposed to enjoy yourself with your grandkids. Have a good time with them. My son has been married for five years and my daughter-in-law doesn't want any kids, so I am afraid I won't get any. Enjoy them and have fun.

I really hope so, but in the meantime, congratulations on your new granddaughter, and get close to her and have fun with her, while you are there.


DixieL
by Dixie on Jul. 25, 2014 at 5:55 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting reinydawn:

Thanks!  I am enjoying the visit, but just feel guilty.

Never say never!  Everyone can change their minds!  I wish you luck!

Quoting DixieL:

Congratulations on your new granddaughter. Since you can't make her let you help, then just enjoy your grandkids. Your son knows that you came to help. I know that people from different countries, do things differently that we do. Mabye in her mind, since you are older, she is supposed to do all the work, and you are supposed to enjoy yourself with your grandkids. Have a good time with them. My son has been married for five years and my daughter-in-law doesn't want any kids, so I am afraid I won't get any. Enjoy them and have fun.

I forgot to say Thank You.


LEK19
Report
Wintry mix...yuck!
Yesterday at 2:52 PM
by Group Admin on Jul. 25, 2014 at 9:51 PM
3 moms liked this

Can your son be a go-between if he can explain to her what you are trying to do? Can you ask in what ways you can help? Maybe running errands?

MichelleMc
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 9:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Not everyone expects that or has that happen, so it might just seem odd for her. I couldn't imagine someone doing that for me. I had a C section, though only one kid, but I still did everything. Until my staples were out, I could only do stairs up & down once a day per my doctor but they were taken out not long after I went home. I actually had never heard of people having people come to help them and all that til some time later with a military wife that was having her mom come when she was due. 

I would just enjoy the time with your grandkids & won't feel guilty. 

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Jul. 25, 2014 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this

Congrats on the new grandbaby! I would just let it go and sneak in some help whenever you can. Maybe you can offer to take them to dinner or oreder a pizza some night to ease her burden a little.

reinydawn
by on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:01 AM

I think he's given up already, although he is doing a lot of the stuff for her too.  She's very independent, and I love that the can do everything, I would just like to help out.

Quoting LEK19:

Can your son be a go-between if he can explain to her what you are trying to do? Can you ask in what ways you can help? Maybe running errands?


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)