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daughters spending out of control

Posted by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 12:45 AM
  • 11 Replies

I live with my grown daughter and my grandkids.  her spending has gotten so out of control that she spends the rent money.  Ive been advised to not help because I would be enabling her.  But i worry about the kids if she gets evicted.  I wouldnt be able to see them if the father gets them.  So... I try to borrow to help.  Any advice on how to make her realize the severity of her spending. 

by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 12:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
caro100
by Carol on Aug. 3, 2014 at 4:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Well, if you live with her I thought you'd be helping with the expenses. I would just take over the rent. Not give her the money but actually pay it yourself. If she spends the rent money and can't see the problem, I doubt there's anything you can say or dodo to make a difference
suzeebloch
by Ronna on Aug. 3, 2014 at 6:05 AM

I agree with what Carol suggested.  If you are living there, you take over the rent. Yes, it might be considered enabling but then again if she gets evicted, won't you get evicted as well?  Why are there concerns about the father getting the kids?  Does your daughter have other behaviors besides money mismanagement that might allow him to get custody?

threegk
by New Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 12:56 PM

Thanks for the replies.  Problem with the father getting custody is he is out of state and I wouldnt be able to see them.  And I actually dont think he would let me, he's very much into only his side of the family.  I am not able to pay the rent on my own.  I do contribute to the household and am on ssi  so dont have alot but I do give in the way of paying small bills and groceries.  I also watch the kids alot which saves her money.  No, she doesnt have any other problems other than no control over spending.  she will spend money on going out to dinner before she pays the electric bill.   she will take a weekend trip before she pays anything.  Her credit I'm not concerned about.  Sounds mean but shes plenty old enough to pay consequences but basic care for the kids is my concern and I don't have access to her money.  Any groups like AA for spending?  that's if she will go.  I think she knows she has a problem because she hides it and lies. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 3, 2014 at 1:35 PM

Do not help.  She has to figure it out.

redneck_kids
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 3:06 PM

Put her on a budget!

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Aug. 3, 2014 at 4:16 PM

I agree, instead of giving her money to help out, just pay it and let her buy groceries, toiletries, and other household needs.

Quoting caro100: Well, if you live with her I thought you'd be helping with the expenses. I would just take over the rent. Not give her the money but actually pay it yourself. If she spends the rent money and can't see the problem, I doubt there's anything you can say or dodo to make a difference


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louannwilkins
by Louann on Aug. 3, 2014 at 5:36 PM

I hope you can use some of the advice you've been given.  She is either going to have to figure it out or suffer the consequences.  I know that will be hard for you but she needs to take responsibility too.  Maybe you could ask her to give you the rent money to hold on to until it's time to pay.  If she doesn't have it in her hands then she wouldn't spend it?  I don't know.  Good luck though!!  :)

threegk
by New Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 8:11 PM
1 mom liked this

thanks to everyone for the all the advice.    I understand the ones that said let her have the consequences which I absolutely would do if it weren't for the kids and me.  We would have had the consequences also and the kids don't deserve that.  But, listening to all the advice I talked to her and she is giving me control over the finances and she now has an allowance she can spend however she wants.  Hard to convince an adult child to do something.  Hoping this is going to work.

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Aug. 3, 2014 at 11:00 PM

Another thing you can do is draw up a budget, how much money there is to spend, and what all monthly expenses are - rent, groceries, utilities.  See what you can cut back on, for instance, if you have cell phones, don't pay for a land line.  Don't pay for all the extra TV cable channels.  Shop for clothing frugally - sales, second hand stores.  Put away a little bit of money, even if all you can afford is $10/week for emergencies which may arise.  I imagine you are not working, as you probably need to look after your grandchildren while your daughter is at work, but if you could find a part time job which work into the schedule, the little bit of extra income will help.  

DixieL
by Dixie on Aug. 4, 2014 at 6:27 PM


Quoting caro100: Well, if you live with her I thought you'd be helping with the expenses. I would just take over the rent. Not give her the money but actually pay it yourself. If she spends the rent money and can't see the problem, I doubt there's anything you can say or dodo to make a difference

I agree with what you are saying Carol.

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