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Adult daughter and granddaughter

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:16 PM
  • 11 Replies

Try to make this short.  My 40 yr old daughter, who makes excellent wages, and her 23 yo daughter are renting the downstairs of our home.  We agreed for her to move in 2 years ago so that she could pay off her college loans.  I knew before hand that she was not  housekeeper; however, I thought she might respect our property enough to at least vaccum once every six months.  Her daughter, does NOTHING.  No job, no school, no social activities.  She plays video games and watches TV all day and then her mother picks her up to go to dinner.  I'm  at my wits end.  Don't know how to approach anything with out her being upset and leave. There goes part of my family.  I only want the water bottles that are strewn over the whole area, papers that are thrown on the floor etc., picked up.  Her mother requires nothing of her.  Her mother works 60 to 70 hours a week!!  HELP!!

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:16 PM
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by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:53 PM

If your daughter is making as you say "excellent" wages, maybe it is time for her to move out of mommy's house, considering she is 40 years old.  As for the daughter, she must have been raised to be spoiled and lazy, and never have to look after herself in any way.  I would talk to your granddaughter, ask her what her plans are for the future, and how she feels about her mother working so much, while she contributes absolutely nothing.  It might cause problems which make you unhappy, but you already sound  unhappy with the situation, and it doesn't sound healthy for anyone involved to let this situation continue. This is an extremely unhealthy life for a 23-year-old to be living, and something has to change.  

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:04 PM

Thanks for your insight.  You are right, I am unhappy about the way she has raised her daughter and the way they disrespect our propertyl  I don't understand since none of my kids were raised that way and they are successful.  I hoped she would appreciate the opportunity to pay off her college loans and show it.

by Susie on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:16 PM

Tell her she cleans or you hire someone to clean it every month and her rent goes up. 

by Ronna on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:31 PM

Is it the downstairs (the part that she is renting from you) where this is happening?  If so, do you have access to it?  And if so, why? 

Or are they leaving the water bottles and papers like this in the rest of your house?

by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:17 PM

Its sounds like its time for you to set down with your daughter and grandaughter and ask them what the problem is with them not keeping the basement cleanerr? Your daughter needs to get her daughter up off her lazy butt and make her get a job or go to college or something.  

If they don't want to live by the rules that were put in place when they moved in then they need to decide rather they want to start cleaning up their mess or move out. I would make it just that simple for them. Or have her hire someone to come in clean.  

If she is working all those hours I don't understand why her daughter can't at least clean!!  I think she is the one that needs a wake up call on having some responsibility and growing up!!!  She isn't a teenager no more shes is an adult(at least age wise).

by Gold Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 6:09 PM

 Honestly - you are in a bad spot.  If your 40 yo daughter is not onboard with you - then you have very littleinfluence to change your DGDs way of life.   The best thing that could happen is for the young adult to go to school or work to be self sufficient.  I have come to the conclusion that no matter what the age - most kids are not going to respect a home unless they have to pay for it themselves.  I would start the arrangements for them to move out.  It will help your relationship with them and help them learn to take care of what they have to pay for.  That does not mean that you lose your family- they can visit!

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 6:24 PM

Thanks everyone.  I do have access to the laundry area once a week.  In order to get to it I need to go through their living room and  family room.  Which is always a mess.  This is a common area for us.  Last week I asked my granddaughter to remove dirty dishes piled up in the laundry tub. (jUST ONE EXAMPLE) This was a week ago last Thursday.  This past Thursdy I went down to do laundry and they were still there!!  I took them and put them on top of a dishwasher they purchsed, still there, dirty!!  I really can't believe my grand daughter is that stupid or maybe it's just plain lazy.  I think they both need to see a physcologist.

by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 6:50 PM

I don't think they need  psychologist, I think they need tough love. If you are needing to walk through the mess then you have the right to say something. If they are that messy then it can bring bugs and rodents. YUCK.

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 7:01 PM
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You have left it going on too long. I would telling her clean up your mess or you would be hiring someone to do it for her. As for granddaughter. Really? Games all day? Tell daughter she needs to get her daughter working because she is not doing her any favors. If she doesn't, she needs to be setting up a trust for her because no one will hire her if she doesn't get her motivated to work.
by Jeanine on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:07 PM

Since it is a health hazard to leave dirty dishes around for days on end I would come up with house rules.  Type them up and have a meeting.  If your dd and granddaughter cannot abide by them they have 2 choices...either leave or hire a cleaning lady.  Good luck!

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