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What a rotten day.

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 6:32 PM
  • 37 Replies

 First off, my little dog that has  pemphigus is not responding to normal meds and she has gotten worse.  I made the decision today to have her euthanized tomorrow.  My heart is heavy,but her little body is working so hard and she has become so fragile.  She is uncomfortable and probably tired of 8 months worth of meds that have not helped. 

However the worst part of the day is my youngest DD just called to 'leave' the family.  She is having problems with her health - residual from Thyroid cancer.  I know several people that have had thyroid cancer and they have lived productive lives.  She is convinced the meds are making her worse.  She is upset that we do not love her enough to pay her medical bills.   She has a minimum wage job and she knows she needs to go to scholl or find something else that gets her in a better position to be responsible for herself.    Yet she has not done it due to anxiety and whatever else she has going on.  As a mother, I am just sick that she will not motivate herself.  We have helped her due to her anxiety, cancer and  other issues.  We pay her med insurance and car insurance for a car I bought her.  I have paid her out of pocket medical up until this past ER visit.  I cannot help her any longer unless she is willing to help herself. Unfortunately her emotional state will not allow her to see beyond her current symptoms.  I think I responded to a post not long ago about med insurance.  Now I am really facing a situation I feared - the only thing worse would be if she did have a recurrence of the cancer.   She is going to see another doctor - which is fine, but I told her she has to work out a payment plan and evaluate her situation.  None of which she wants to hear.  She called hysterical and said she will not longer be a part of the family because we are not supportive and she is alone.  She went further to say that we have never included her in family events (not true - she is usually late from working) and that she has always been left out, so good bye.  I have a cold, so I am a bit groggy, but is she serious?  That was childish, but I guess she is my child.  Anyway I told her I loved her, and believed that she did not feel well.  I supported her decision to see a doctor out of town if that is what she believes she needs to do.  As far as her finances go, I am not will to discuss for a few days  until I feel better and deal with this little dog.  How can I tell her I can offer limited help you if you are helping yourself - by getting a college degree and find employment that will pay your bills?  Good old dad and I cannot keep doing this.  Another thing I would like to know is exactly how much money would it take to keep her in tha family...I guess i will keep that one to myself.  I feel guilty for putting this puppy down and I feel guilty that I am not paying her medical bills. I am hurt and angry, sick and sad.  Today sucked.

by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 6:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 6:54 PM
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First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that you have to put your puppy to sleep. That is so hard. *HUGS*

Second, mental illness is very difficult to deal with for the sufferer and everyone around them. When it affects your adult child it doesn't get any easier. *HUGS and HUGS*

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Dec. 12, 2014 at 7:11 PM
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oh, man, Maddie, what a horrible day!  I am so sorry about your dog.  But you know it's the most loving thing you can do, do keep her from suffering any longer.  Oh, I wish I could be there and give you a HUG!

About your daughter - that's even worse.  I'm so sorry she is stuck in this rut!  It seems like such a vicious cycle.  And I know first hand what it's like dealing with a young adult child with cancer.  You want to help but if funds are limited - well, funds are limited.  If my son or your daughter were still under 18 there would be lots of financial resources - but they are not and so financial assistance is not there either.  it sucks.  I'm probably the one you replied to about the insurance.  it makes me sick to think how much $$ I will have to spend next year but I guess at my age I'd rather be poor and have health coverage (skimpy at that!) than a little less poor and god forbid something happened.  It's like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't and just hope you are making the right decision.  ugh.  I better not go down this road right now - I can feel my heart starting to race already. 

and then on top of all that, you feel crappy! ugh ugh ugh.  Again, I wish I could just run over and give you a ginormous hug - you need one - several! 

Tomorrow will be tough so please come back here and cry if you need to. 


gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 7:16 PM
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 Sorry about your puppy, I would be so sad. Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom. I agree with you not paying her bills.

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 7:39 PM

 

Thank you Ronna.  It is just terrible to answer the hysterical phone calls and know That I cannot make her well or provide unlimited resources so she takes no responsibility for herself.  Thankfully she has not had a reoccurence - she is convinced the meds are not right and she may be right.  She definately needs to try a new doctor and find one she has confidence in.  I just cannot guarentee I can cover all the expenses she cannot afford for the rest of her life.  She has got to take an initiative to help herself.  My heart hurts making her face this.  I am so very thankful my oldest DD is taking my pup to the vet tomorrow to be with her.  I whimped out.  I have done it a few times and for once I am going to let her help me on this one.  I always say everything will look better in the morning, but this time it will probably take an extra day before I feel any better about any of this.

Quoting suzeebloch:

oh, man, Maddie, what a horrible day!  I am so sorry about your dog.  But you know it's the most loving thing you can do, do keep her from suffering any longer.  Oh, I wish I could be there and give you a HUG!

About your daughter - that's even worse.  I'm so sorry she is stuck in this rut!  It seems like such a vicious cycle.  And I know first hand what it's like dealing with a young adult child with cancer.  You want to help but if funds are limited - well, funds are limited.  If my son or your daughter were still under 18 there would be lots of financial resources - but they are not and so financial assistance is not there either.  it sucks.  I'm probably the one you replied to about the insurance.  it makes me sick to think how much $$ I will have to spend next year but I guess at my age I'd rather be poor and have health coverage (skimpy at that!) than a little less poor and god forbid something happened.  It's like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't and just hope you are making the right decision.  ugh.  I better not go down this road right now - I can feel my heart starting to race already. 

and then on top of all that, you feel crappy! ugh ugh ugh.  Again, I wish I could just run over and give you a ginormous hug - you need one - several! 

Tomorrow will be tough so please come back here and cry if you need to. 

 

njt320
by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:07 PM
Oh Maddie my little dog almost died about a month ago from vaccines. He got an auto immune disorder but went on heavy prednisone and is still recovering. The stress of that almost put me over the edge. It's so awful to see them suffer :( Stupid vets really have no clue what they are doing.
I think your daughter just wants some sympathy. How old is she? I would just let it blow over she will have a change of heart. (((Hugs)))
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njt320
by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:12 PM
pemphigus - that's what my dog had did you do prendisone?
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Maddie24
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 10:58 PM

 She has been off and on predinose for 6 months.  We have also tried a lot of other meds.  I've spent about 3500 her meds thus far.  She has no hair and scabs.  Her eyes are blistered and feet are beet red.  She has lost fo much weight and is miserable.  The vet said the next med to try is very expense and not likely to produce any better results. I cannot keep going with this.  I am just whipped at this point. 

My DD called and has decided her health condition is due to how we brought her up.  She is angry because we will not quit eatting dairy for Pete's Sake.  I told her you cannot control what other people do, only what you do.  Love is a choice - the good the bad and the ugly.  I also added that I love her, I do not believe she is crazy, I believe she is having issues with her thyroid meds and believe she needs to find a doctor she can trust.  I let her yell at me for a while longer, then told her  I really was not up to taking anymore and she would have to postpone her railing at me to another time and hung up.  I don't do drama, I am sick with this cold and need sleep. : (

Quoting njt320: pemphigus - that's what my dog had did you do prendisone?

 

Cindy18
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2014 at 7:40 AM

Sorry to hear about your dog. I am coming up to the decision with my oldest dog and I'm not looking forward to it. hugs

As for you DD, I think you have made the right decision. She needs to change her situation in order to get better and if you were to keep paying her bills that won't happen. IMO, she is saying that she is leaving the family with the intent to guilt you into helping her financially. Don't fall for it. She will need you for emotional support and be back. 

terri-553
by Silver Member on Dec. 13, 2014 at 8:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry,first of all you have to let go of somethings,Adult kids are the worest.I know I have/had my share from about 1/2 of mine.and their 6 of them,What you can do/should do??Or two diffrent things,And I am so sorry about your fur baby that has to be very painful

njt320
by on Dec. 13, 2014 at 9:24 AM
My dog is sick again and won't eat. We have spent as much $$$ as you and this is too much ugh. Supposed to have family for Xmas here and he needs to get better!! Ugh

Quoting Maddie24:

 She has been off and on predinose for 6 months.  We have also tried a lot of other meds.  I've spent about 3500 her meds thus far.  She has no hair and scabs.  Her eyes are blistered and feet are beet red.  She has lost fo much weight and is miserable.  The vet said the next med to try is very expense and not likely to produce any better results. I cannot keep going with this.  I am just whipped at this point. 


My DD called and has decided her health condition is due to how we brought her up.  She is angry because we will not quit eatting dairy for Pete's Sake.  I told her you cannot control what other people do, only what you do.  Love is a choice - the good the bad and the ugly.  I also added that I love her, I do not believe she is crazy, I believe she is having issues with her thyroid meds and believe she needs to find a doctor she can trust.  I let her yell at me for a while longer, then told her  I really was not up to taking anymore and she would have to postpone her railing at me to another time and hung up.  I don't do drama, I am sick with this cold and need sleep. : (


Quoting njt320: pemphigus - that's what my dog had did you do prendisone?

 

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