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Liiving with your elderly mom

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 8:36 AM
  • 24 Replies

by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 8:36 AM
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by New Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 8:41 AM

I need some advice. I 've been living with my mom for 2 years and recenlty we moved to a condo.

I have less privacy and it seems my mom is getting more irritating, She still treats me like am 5 and tells me how to do everything. My husband is getting very annoyed when when she orders me around.  I take care of all her concerns, go shopping for her etc, I need to make this work since my sister had her for many years and now it's my turn. Any advice?

by Nancy on Feb. 4, 2015 at 8:59 AM

My mom lives with my brother.  For me, things are the other way around.  My son and his family moved in with me.  I sort of stay in my bedroom.  I got a really nice recliner that I never sit in because it is in the living room and I usually am not.  I am not necessarily elderly but they seem to think that I am.  I am old enough to retire but I will continue to work as long as I possibly can so that I don't have to stay home all day with my daughter in law.

by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 9:05 AM
Tell your husband to suck it up, and think about how he wants to be treated when he is her age. Dealing with the elderly is like dealing with a toddler. They want to be independent, but don't have the ability. They get frustrated. Plus,they feel their life slipping away. How would YOU act?
by Lisa on Feb. 4, 2015 at 11:09 AM

I love my mom to dath but coul;dn't imagine living with her. I have no advice but good luck!

by Susie on Feb. 4, 2015 at 11:44 AM

We would never live with parents because for one thing, only one is alive now.  Also my MIL would never move where we live.  She also would never impose on her children.  She has told us all that.  

Is it time for your Mom to find an assisted living?   I personally wouldn't let a parent come between my husband and I.  

by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 2:47 PM
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My MIL'S mother lives with my in-laws, has for almost 20 years now, not in the house as such, they built her a granny flat in the backyard so she can have her own space.

I think what works for them is mutual respect. All three are adults, all three have their own ways of doing things and they do accommodate each other. Part of that is personalities, but part of that is also work.

Her being your mother and her being okay doesn't make it okay for her to treat you poorly, you are doing something very big for her, letting her live in your home.
It sounds childish, but I think you guys need to come up with some ground rules,namely, how you expect to be treated in your own home.
Can you ask your sister for advice on how she handled it?
by Angie on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:57 PM
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how old is your mom?  what kind of things is she telling you what to do?  My mom is 89 and I am taking care of her.  My husband is very supportive which makes it much easier.  There has to be ground rules that you all live by.  My mom is like like living with a 2 year old--I have to do whats best for her even if she doesnt like it at times.  I always try to remember all the sacrifices she made for me from quitting her job to sleepless nights.  Its now my turn to take care of her.  It is hard for seniors to give up their independence.  My mom, even with her dementia, is always saying I am the child and should not tell her what to do.  We all have to decide what we are comfortable with handling and then go from there.  If she is coming between you and your spouse or driving you crazy maybe assisted living would be better for all concerned-or maybe even just adult day care so she isnt there all the time.

by Esme on Feb. 4, 2015 at 6:05 PM

Has she always treated you like you were 5? And has always been controlling or is this new? 

by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 10:53 PM

Did you move in with her or did she move in with you? Either way I'd have to have a talk with her and if she could not stop belittling me, something would have to change.

by New Member on Feb. 17, 2015 at 7:42 AM

Thanks for the advice. My husband and I are going to talk to her. I feel bad since this winter she has been stuck in the house. She has always ordered me around but does not do this to my sister since my sister is tougher than I.

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