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When they move out

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 12:04 PM
  • 34 Replies

I am curious what all you ladies did when your kids moved out. For example, I have been offering to buy used furniture for my oldest who will be 21 soon, things she might need when she moves out but she keeps declining because she wants it new... I told her well she is on her own. Anyhow, at this time she is still home which is fine, however, she does want a puppy, we told her no. We do not want any more animals, we are too busy to deal with her neglecting yet another dog.


So she had pondered the idea of moving out, although I know it will be very expensive. Between the down payment, deposits, including utility deposits and so forth, let us not forget now she suddenly wants our help to provide furniture when she moves out (not happening), she has no dishes because the ones I offer are not new ya know. How much did you help? Between financial and hand me downs?

by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 12:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bluebunnybabe
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 12:16 PM
It's been a while. I know I've given many hand me downs, furniture, dishes, etc. I've loaned out my pick up more times than I can count. I don't remember ever buying anything specifically other than housewarming gifts & I couldn't tell you what they were now. Lol
cocoroo
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 2:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I didn't do anything.  When my oldest son moved out, he went to basic training.  He has been living in Air Force dorms (barracks) for the last 3 1/2 years.  My 18 year old dd leaves this summer for Army basic, so she will be in the same situation.  I don't plan on buying any of them anything really.  They will be adults and will need to provide for themselves.  My parents didn't buy me anything.  I bought all of my own furniture and household goods.

happyolechimp
by Vera on Mar. 13, 2016 at 2:50 PM
1 mom liked this
My daughter was working when she married and they took care of themselves totally...of course...we helped with what we felt they needed...we signed for a new car which they needed...vacation time etc...but they were doing the heavy lifting.
They're very successful now and never asked us for anything.
theResidentCat
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:12 PM

I never declined hand me downs and told my oldest christmas will become valuable to asking for things you may need. I dont think she gets it how costly it is going to be when she moves out. I have no idea what she is thinking, she is going to buy all this stuff once she moves out. I guess she will have to figure it out.

As for financial help, hubby and I are debating it. He is willing to financially provide where I am against it. Not completely but still, the last thing I want to do with my retirement/vacation funds is supporting an adult child. We also have another child still at home, I prefer to use funds for her activities.

So curious how much others did for their adult kids once they moved out.

Quoting bluebunnybabe: It's been a while. I know I've given many hand me downs, furniture, dishes, etc. I've loaned out my pick up more times than I can count. I don't remember ever buying anything specifically other than housewarming gifts & I couldn't tell you what they were now. Lol


atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Depends on what you have on hand to give them.  My oldest moved out, and moved back again.  She took her bedroom set.  I gave her some of the dishes and silverware from my Mom's house I had after my Mom died.  I bought them cleaning supplies, mop, broom etc.  DD's ex boyfriends parents bought them some pantry items and some food for the fridge.  They got other furniture that was used and they paid for it.  

They need to be able to pay all the money to move out and afford the apartment or the house themselves.  

louannwilkins
by Louann on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:30 PM
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I did give hand me downs which they were thankful for.  If she only wants new then she would need to go buy it.  lol  It's expensive to go buy all that stuff new and besides when you're just starting out you should take what you can get just because it IS so expensive!  LOL  It will be a good learning experience for her.  :)

bluebunnybabe
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:33 PM
Yeah, hand me downs was about it. I've found that an adult paying their own bills is a good lesson. And it's cheaper. Lol

Quoting theResidentCat:

I never declined hand me downs and told my oldest christmas will become valuable to asking for things you may need. I dont think she gets it how costly it is going to be when she moves out. I have no idea what she is thinking, she is going to buy all this stuff once she moves out. I guess she will have to figure it out.

As for financial help, hubby and I are debating it. He is willing to financially provide where I am against it. Not completely but still, the last thing I want to do with my retirement/vacation funds is supporting an adult child. We also have another child still at home, I prefer to use funds for her activities.

So curious how much others did for their adult kids once they moved out.

Quoting bluebunnybabe: It's been a while. I know I've given many hand me downs, furniture, dishes, etc. I've loaned out my pick up more times than I can count. I don't remember ever buying anything specifically other than housewarming gifts & I couldn't tell you what they were now. Lol

jabs54
by Jeanine on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:39 PM

The kids took their own bed and dresser.  Otherwise they pretty much got their own stuff at garage sales. They've each borrowed money when an unexpected bill came due and they didn't have the money but all paid me back promptly.  They know the "bank of mom" is interest free but they do need to pay it back.

theResidentCat
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:40 PM

He wants to help her put down deposit on a place. Im ok with it if she is getting the place for herself, but if its with roommates or boyfriend, I think between them they can afford it.

I know it is a lot harder to go off on your own today than it was when I went out on my own.

Quoting bluebunnybabe: Yeah, hand me downs was about it. I've found that an adult paying their own bills is a good lesson. And it's cheaper. Lol
Quoting theResidentCat:

I never declined hand me downs and told my oldest christmas will become valuable to asking for things you may need. I dont think she gets it how costly it is going to be when she moves out. I have no idea what she is thinking, she is going to buy all this stuff once she moves out. I guess she will have to figure it out.

As for financial help, hubby and I are debating it. He is willing to financially provide where I am against it. Not completely but still, the last thing I want to do with my retirement/vacation funds is supporting an adult child. We also have another child still at home, I prefer to use funds for her activities.

So curious how much others did for their adult kids once they moved out.

Quoting bluebunnybabe: It's been a while. I know I've given many hand me downs, furniture, dishes, etc. I've loaned out my pick up more times than I can count. I don't remember ever buying anything specifically other than housewarming gifts & I couldn't tell you what they were now. Lol


bluebunnybabe
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 5:07 PM
Probably so. I'm with you on the deposit on both points. I've never needed to help with a deposit with us being in a low cost area but now that I think about it, I did let my oldest son & his wife live in a little rent house I had for six months rent free so that they could save up some money.

Quoting theResidentCat:

He wants to help her put down deposit on a place. Im ok with it if she is getting the place for herself, but if its with roommates or boyfriend, I think between them they can afford it.

I know it is a lot harder to go off on your own today than it was when I went out on my own.

Quoting bluebunnybabe: Yeah, hand me downs was about it. I've found that an adult paying their own bills is a good lesson. And it's cheaper. Lol

Quoting theResidentCat:

I never declined hand me downs and told my oldest christmas will become valuable to asking for things you may need. I dont think she gets it how costly it is going to be when she moves out. I have no idea what she is thinking, she is going to buy all this stuff once she moves out. I guess she will have to figure it out.

As for financial help, hubby and I are debating it. He is willing to financially provide where I am against it. Not completely but still, the last thing I want to do with my retirement/vacation funds is supporting an adult child. We also have another child still at home, I prefer to use funds for her activities.

So curious how much others did for their adult kids once they moved out.

Quoting bluebunnybabe: It's been a while. I know I've given many hand me downs, furniture, dishes, etc. I've loaned out my pick up more times than I can count. I don't remember ever buying anything specifically other than housewarming gifts & I couldn't tell you what they were now. Lol

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