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Taking at least one semester off...what now?

Posted by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 2:20 PM
  • 10 Replies

Well,  my dd has been tossing around the idea of not going back to college this January.  She has now decided she is definitely not.  We are moving about 2.5 hours away and she has decided to come with us and work.  She is thinking maybe 4 days a week.  I told her that if she is not going to go to school, she has to work full time.  Although I don't think that school is for everyone, I don't want to make this so easy on her that she never gets motivated to do anything besides work at retail and live in our basement forever.  I am going to make her pay for her car insurance and cell phone as well as the small student loan payment she will have.  It will be about 150/month total.  I know i have heard of many people who charge rent, but I just can't quite bring myself to do that!  Ugh...I am so hoping she decides to go back next fall or at least comes up with some kind of plan for herself!

by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 2:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Cenedra64
by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 2:27 PM

I think you've got a good plan.   I was just talking bout that earlier with my husband because of my dd.   I know a lot of parents who charge their kids a lot of rent.  Which unrealistically makes it impossible for someone to save up and get out if 2/3 of their money is going to rent.  

jabs54
by Jeanine on Nov. 28, 2016 at 2:34 PM

I agree with you if she is not in school she should be working full time and saving money.  I would also tell her she is expected to go back to school in the fall.

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 28, 2016 at 3:33 PM

My dd quit school and went back to school 9 months later.  She figured out she didn't want to wait table forever which she had been doing a couple years at that point.  I agree make her work full time or 2 part time jobs and to pay for what you said.  I don't agree to charge rent if they are working (and saving some money and not blowing it).  IF they blow it and won't save they will have 6 months to save some, or move out.  My dd got a roth IRA when she was 18.  

LEK19
by Group Admin on Nov. 28, 2016 at 5:27 PM

I charged rent but it wasn't much. It was always temporary anyway. They never stayed too long.

FindersKeepers
by Member on Nov. 28, 2016 at 5:38 PM
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The rule in our house is:

No school = $300/mo rent + car + car insurance + cell phone

Part-time school = $150/ mo rent + car + insurance (we cover cell phone)

Full time school = car + insurance (we cover cellphone)

* We believe that after high school graduation, you are an adult who can take care of your own bills.  We will generously help our kids with some of their bills to encourage them to go to college.  We told our kids starting in high school that this was the expectation so they were not surprised.  Neither has complained about the arrangement and have taken on their bills, as agreed, during the periods that they have taken off of college. 

You are not doing your DD or yourself any favors to let her work part-time and not go to school.  If she is young and healthy, there is nothing good that comes from too much free time. Maybe encourage her to take a class or two instead of a full break.  Or to pay her own expenses so she will learn that a part-time job in retail is not going to fund the lifestyle that she wants in her future. 

EireLass
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2016 at 6:37 PM
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My son moved to college out of high school. At the end of his first year, he quit, and moved in with his father. Worked for an engineering firm. Gave him time to decide what direction he wanted to go. What it really came down to, was, he just wasn't a 'dormitory' type kid. When he went back to school, he moved to the city, got an apartment, and finished school. Sometimes they just need time to see where they want to go. 

jbsophie
by on Nov. 28, 2016 at 7:03 PM
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I am a mother of adult children so I can fully understand your feelings.  I wonder if you set a timeline for her like a year and then she will have to pay rent. another idea is sometimes adult children have trouble listening to parents so another idea is telling her you would like to fund a career planning course where she can discern gifts and abilities she has. I have seen this as being very valuable for people.  I believe our job is to launch our children well. Tell your daughter you are committed to her and want to see her succeed. Maybe she will understand your methods if she understood this.  From one parent to another... Keep up the good work! 

brenda321
by Member on Nov. 28, 2016 at 7:22 PM
I am hoping this is temporary, but I'm starting to think she might not be the college type of kid. I just hope she at least decides on some sort of trade training. For the first semester, I am more than OK with our current plan as long as she is working full time and pulling her weight around the house. If it continues into next year we will have to make some adustments.
jabs54
by Jeanine on Nov. 28, 2016 at 7:43 PM
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Quoting brenda321: I am hoping this is temporary, but I'm starting to think she might not be the college type of kid. I just hope she at least decides on some sort of trade training. For the first semester, I am more than OK with our current plan as long as she is working full time and pulling her weight around the house. If it continues into next year we will have to make some adustments.

One of my dd's best friends was a RA and she told me some crazy stories about the struggles some kids have.  We actually talked our dd OUT OF going away to college.  She lived at home and went to our local college.  She did move out the last 1-1/2 yrs of school.  She got enough of the "college" experience during that time.  On days there was a home game kids started drinking and partying in the morning.  She was glad to get out of there ;)    She lived by herself and worked and went to school online to get her bachelors.   She thanked us recently for encouraging her to live at home.  Her friends that went to a 4 year college have more than twice the debt she has.

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Nov. 29, 2016 at 12:19 AM

I hope she  does go back soon fo her own sake and your peace of mind.

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