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Paying Rent and Picking up Bills

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:31 PM
  • 13 Replies

We have never charged our children rent. We are not wealthy but we are able to help our children. When my children are in college we are trying to do all we can to help pay for the expenses of college and to allow them to say at home (since we live 15 minutes from a huge State college). My oldest son (23) went into the military at 18 and moved out as soon as he came home from basic training. He lived on his own for 3 years in apt with guys. He partied a lot and did very poorly in school. After the third time of messing up school we told him we would no longer help but we have continued to pay for his car insurance, phone and he is on our health insurance. He is in the national guard and now works full-time 5 am until about 8 pm as a personal trainer. He has taken four different certifications. He worked very hard. About a year ago he asked if he could come home for about a month or two because he was struggling horribly with his roommate. We agreed as long as he stays in line with our simple home rules and lives respectfully with the rest of the family. He buys his own food and takes care of all his other expenses like for clothes, certifications, etc. 

My middle son (21) stayed at home and is in his junior year. We help him with his school, provide him with food, and also pay for his car insurance and phone. 

My dd is still in high school.

We don't charge either of our ds's rent. I am wondering when do you begin or start this discussion? My oldest son has ended up staying almost a year. It really has not been difficult. The only problem at all is that we wish he would clean up better after himself in the kitchen when he cooks and he doesn't help his brother keep the bathroom clean (it is probably why he has had problems with roommates). I am glad he has been able to save money so he wont be living paycheck to paycheck when he moves out. He has talked about going back to college. When he turns 24 he will have to pay for his own health insurance.

I am looking forward to when my children are financially on their own and also eventually physically on their own.

Is anyone else going through this stage/phase?  

by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 9:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LadySaphira
by Lisa on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:01 PM

My  youngest 3 will probably always live with melive with me.. I just deal with it. My oldest DD does help pay bills and buy groceries out of her SSI check. My youngest DD is learning disabled and is fighting to get some kind of help as she has been unable to find work that she can do. When she does finaly find a job or get asistance, she will help with bills and food also. My youngest  DS  is  "senior" in HS special ed classes and also contributes to the hosuehold. 

kuntrylady56
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:02 PM

Hi and welcome to the group. I give you fair warning you will probablly not like what I have to say but here goes anyway. Why and the heck isn't your 23 year old son paying for his own bills? I'm sorry but to carry a grown man on your insurance for that long and pay his phone bill too? Were you doing that while he was living on his own? I can see helping out your 21 yo a little since he is still in college but these men(they're no longer your litle boys) should be standing on their own two feet.

The time to have the conversation of paying rent and helping keep his area clean should of happened with both of them by the time they hit 18 and out of high school.

Your 23yo needs to grow up and stop being tied to mommas apron strings. Is ther eany reason he dosen;t want to live on his own. If hes dating and has a social life you would think he would want his own space.

Marinefranksmom
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:05 PM

I did to some extent.  My son spent 2 more years home here while he went to community college, then went into the Marine Corps for 5 years. (He got married in his last year to a girl from where he was stationed in SC, got a job when he got out, and stayed there, has a house and family there now, so he never did move back home.) We, like you, are not wealthy and we did not charge him room and board.  I shared my car with him so he could go to school and the the martial arts classes he took and taught. He paid for the gas when he used the car to go out, and his own amusement - movies and such.  He had to pay for any overage on his cell phone minutes, or work it off with extra chores. His room was a mess - but it was small, he crammed a lot of his belongings into it, and it was hard to clean.  I have always worked, so he had to help out and learn to be tidy and clean, and he did.  By the time he left for the Marine Corps, he was pretty responsible.  He was an MP and by the time he got out, he was extremely tidy and responsible.  He had a lot to learn about handling money, though, but his wife is a banker and helped him there. (She can't cook but he's excellent at it!) I think over the years, if you keep a tidy home and teach, then expect, everyone to be tidy and responsible, then they do catch on eventually, some sooner than later.  When I was growing up, my folks were almost OCD about neat, clean, thrifty.  My brother got it right away, took me much longer.  If this is how you are, then it's how he will be eventually.  If you teach them, they will learn.  Try not to nag (yeah, good luck, I know, lol!). Keep cleaning items simple and handy - a container of disinfecting wipes in the kitchen and the bathroom in easy reach. I let my son know he was helping me - I was also helping to care for my Mom and my MIL (both widows) at the time. My son who had the messy room is now almost OCD about neat and clean - more so than his wife, even.  They have a lovely home, and 2 little kids whom they are both teaching to clean up after themselves.

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1squishysmom
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Our boys have paid rent since they turned 19. We didn't need the money, they needed to learn responsibility. We don't charge much.

Our 24yo son just bought a house after moving back with us for 2 years to save some money. He was still responsible for his rent, food, and bills.

Our 21yo informed us years ago that he was never leaving here. Haha. We have a big house, so it's fine. He will always be paying rent, buying his food and covering his own bills. Life isn't free when your an adult.

We aren't mean parents, we teach responsibility.
Our boys are everything to us.
cybcm
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm in Australia where the idea of kids living at school is very uncommon. I consider my responsibility to them over when that are financially able to support themselves. That means I don't charge rent or charge for food and household bills while they are studying.
I pay for needs, not wants though. I don't fund phones, cars or going out. That's why they have jobs.

My oldest moved out a few months ago after graduating, she's in full time work, so she can now afford her own flat.

Number two is 20 and is at university, he's just started his third year. So he's here, not being charged anything by me.

Then I have three younger ones still in school, aged 17, 15 and 9.
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:59 PM
Ours lived at home rent free as long as they were in school or working after school and saving. My oldest just moved out with her fiance and they bought a home already. She is 25. She did pay her own phone bill and car insurance and clothed and whatever she needed since she was 18 and out of HS. My 23 year old just graduated college and is married. We paid for her till she got out of school.
suesues
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2017 at 7:59 AM
1 mom liked this

all three of my graduated college or ms program have jobs or getting jobs we dont charge rent and pay phone and car insurance for now but soon it will stop. they are 22 24 24

jabs54
by Jeanine on Feb. 16, 2017 at 8:36 AM

My first 2 moved out after they graduated high school.  We encouraged out youngest to live at home and go to local college.  We didn't charge her rent but we also didn't pay for anything for her.  She paid for her own car and phone.  She moved out in the last year of college and is now married.

Kimmybabe
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2017 at 3:28 PM

Welcome to our corner of the café!!

Hubby and I are middle income with both of us working full time and live with our two daughters, SILs, and three fabulous grandsons in a modest three bedroom two bath home with the two car garage converted into two more bedrooms.  The couples are now 25 and nearing 24.  Each couple has two rooms and hubby and I have the master bed and bath to retreat into.  It works for us and we plan to remain a three generation household.  We are all moving down the street to a larger home in a few months from now.

For 5½ years after the couples married, hubby and I and the parents of each SIL provided their child with $600 per month that we called the “parental scholarship program” for living expenses (groceries, car expenses, cloths, incidentals, medical copays, while attending school and paid the $15,000 for tuition and books at community college, and local state university for their BS degrees.  Local state law school was on their dime and debt. By working two days a week each they kept student debt below $50,000 each and those jobs also provided health insurance. The money transfer stopped fourteen months ago after all four passed the state bar exam.  Yes there is light at the end of the tunnel that is not an oncoming train—LOL. 

Seriously, there is an end to what the parents can or should provide and should not go beyond what is reasonable and if the kid is not moving forward with school, it should be curtailed.

We have never charged rent as our housing bills would be the same if they did not live with us. They do ALL the cleaning, mowing, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etcetera, and they also had the toddler grandsons bathed, fed, dressed for bed when we got home from work and they headed out the door to evening classes together four evenings a week.  And our meal was ready to heat up.  We loved the evening blessing with the grands between when we got home and they went to bed.  (Yes, I am fully aware that hubby and I got slaves on the cheap—LOL—and now we get them for free.)

As a side point, we never paid for cell phones and they did not have them until law school, because they wanted to do other things with the money. 

Moving to the larger home is going to require the couples to start making financial contributions to the housing bills.

I would suggest that you have a conversation with your son about the fact that he either needs to clean up after himself or you will need him to start paying the cost of paying a cleaning lady to come in and clean up after him.

I hope this ramble of mine is of some value to you.


healingsoul
by Member on Feb. 16, 2017 at 8:18 PM

Really, you were very kind to give me a fair warning. I was not offended by your comment because I can tell you really do care. I will seriously take what you said into my consideration. 

Quoting kuntrylady56:

Hi and welcome to the group. I give you fair warning you will probablly not like what I have to say but here goes anyway. Why and the heck isn't your 23 year old son paying for his own bills? I'm sorry but to carry a grown man on your insurance for that long and pay his phone bill too? Were you doing that while he was living on his own? I can see helping out your 21 yo a little since he is still in college but these men(they're no longer your litle boys) should be standing on their own two feet.

The time to have the conversation of paying rent and helping keep his area clean should of happened with both of them by the time they hit 18 and out of high school.

Your 23yo needs to grow up and stop being tied to mommas apron strings. Is ther eany reason he dosen;t want to live on his own. If hes dating and has a social life you would think he would want his own space.


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